Pastoral Counseling
BAM311
An Introduction to the Foundational Principlesof Pastoral Counselingfrom the Reformed, Protestant andBiblical Perspective
By
Rev. Stanley B Armes
MIAMI INTERNATIONAL SEMINARY
14401 Old Cutler Road Miami, FL 33158
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Pastoral Counseling
COURSE INTRODUCTION
PREFACE
GENERAL INTRODUCTION
LESSON ONE: THE PASTOR/COUNSELOR’S LIFE
General Comments
The Salvation of the Pastor
The Seriousness of the Pastor’s Work
The Public Role of the Pastor
Why the Pastor Needs to Inspect his Own Life
The Preacher’s Portrait
As a Steward
As a Herald
As a Witness
CONCLUSION
QUESTIONS FOR LESSON ONE: The Pastor/Counselor’s Life
LESSON TWO: THE PORTRAIT OF A PASTOR/COUNSELOR
Portrait Continued
As a Father
As a Servant
The Power of the Counselor
The Power of the Word
The Power of the Cross
The Power of the Holy Spirit
Qualifications/Characteristics of a Pastor/Counselor from 1 Timothy 3:1-7
Above Reproach
Husband of One Wife
Temperate
CONCLUSION
QUESTIONS FOR LESSON TWO: Portrait of a Pastor/Counselor
LESSON THREE: QUALIFICATION OF A PASTOR/COUNSELOR
Continued qualifications of the pastor/counselor
Prudent
“Prudent”
Respectable
Hospitable
Able to Teach
Not Addicted to Wine
Not Pugnacious
Gentle
Uncontentious
Free From the Love of Money
Manages his Household Well
Not a New Convert
Not Conceited
Good Reputation
Not Fall the Reproach of the Devil
Do you Meet These Requirements?
CONCLUSION
QUESTIONS FOR LESSON THREE: Qualifications of a Pastor/Counselor
LESSON FOUR: SPIRITUAL WORLD, ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION
Brief History of Psychology
Human Emotions can be Used for Good or Bad
Relationship of Sin and Sickness
The World, the Flesh, and the Devil
The World
The Flesh
The Devil
Ten of the most common problems a pastor will face.
Anxiety
Depression
Dysthymia
Postpartum Depression
Atypical Depression
Psychotic Depression
CONCLUSION
QUESTIONS FOR LESSON FOUR: Spiritual World, Anxiety and Depression
LESSON FIVE: GRIEF, SUICIDE AND SEXUAL ABUSE
Grief, Bereavement and Loss
Suicide
Sexual Abuse
CONCLUSION
QUESTIONS FOR LESSON FIVE: Grief, Suicide and Sexual Abuse
LESSON SIX: ANGER AND FORGIVENESS
Anger
Forgiveness
CONCLUSION
QUESTIONS FOR LESSON SIX: Anger and Forgiveness
LESSON SEVEN: ADDICTIONS AND PERFECTIONISM
Addictions
Perfectionism
CONCLUSION
QUESTIONS FOR LESSON SEVEN: Addictions and Perfectionism
LESSON EIGHT: HOMOSEXUALITY- CONCLUSION
Homosexuality
CONCLUSION
QUESTIONS FORLESSON EIGHT: Homosexuality
GENERAL CONCLUSION
BIBLIOGRAPHY
BIOGRAPHY
APPENDIX A
BIBLICAL QUALIFICATIONS OF A LEADER: 1 Tim.3:1-7; Tit.1:6-8 and 1 Pet.5:1-3
APPENDIX B
Reaction Papers
APPENDIX C
Pastoral Counseling or Clinical Counseling: What's the Difference?
APPENDIX D
12 STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
INSTRUCTOR MANUAL
Questions with answers
Pastoral Counseling Exam
Pastoral Counseling Exam (with answers)
ASSIGNMENTS
COURSE INTRODUCTION
Justification
Many of the students who take this course are already considered leaders in their community. Some of these students are at a loss as to what kind of biblical counsel they can give to their people.The need to know how to handle the Bible with the care and the urgency God requires.
Objectives
- Students must have a correct relationship with God before they can counsel other people.
- Students will understand the seriousness of their position as pastor/counselor.
- Students will know the qualifications of a leader, as studied in 1Timothy 3:1-7, and be able to demonstrate it in their own lives.
- Students will be required to know 10 of the most common problems faced by a counselor, some of the symptoms that accompany these problems and how to counsel from Scripture.
Requirements
- Attendance(15%) Students will attend at least 15 hours of class.
- ClassHomework(15%)Students will complete the home work as the end of each lesson
- Reading(30%) Students must read 300 pages for a BA or 600 pages for MA studies and write a review of the reading. Each student will receive a copy of the lecture notes for them to follow as the lecturer speaks in class. The students will give a written report of one page per 100 pages read. One report must be a reaction paper. Forms for the reports are provided at the end of the notes.The following three books are to be used for the required reading. The BA students will read a and b, and MA students will read a,b and c.
a. Diane Langberg: In Our Lives First: meditations for counselors. (Wheaton: Diane Langberg Ph D and Associates, 2014). 121 pages
b. Larry Crabb: Effective Biblical Counseling.(Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1977)191 pages
c. Timothy Lane and Paul Tripp: How People Change. (Canada: New Growth Press, 2006) 253 pages
What is a reaction paper?[1] It is a paper written by the student that not only gives a summary of what the author wrote but also of the student’s reaction to what the author said. The student must also give reasons why he thinks the way he did. For example an author writes about how he can read people’s minds with 100% accuracy.The student may like the story but it is utter nonsense because there is no one who can do that. A scientist may discover a new chemical.The student not only likes it but he can see new applications that are not found in the report.
PREFACE
Pastoral Counseling has often been neglected. History has shown that a pastor is often asked to give advice or counsel but often has not been trained. While being in a trusted position, pastors have given wrong advice simply out of ignorance of what the counselee has been experiencing. The Bible does not speak of pastoral counseling as we know it, but it does contain principles by which we can counsel people. Foundationally we must understand the human worth and dignity of the human race otherwise we have no reason to help another person.
The course begins with the fact that pastors have been counselors for their congregations for many years. For a long time pastors have been the first line of defense for people with problems.
The course begins with the necessity of the conversion of the pastor/counselor. A pastor must have a relationship with Jesus before he can offer Biblical counsel to another person.
Lessons two and three describe the portrait of a counselor. Whether a pastor likes it or not he must be like God in his characteristics. He has a very high standard to follow. Next, the characteristics found in 1Timothy 3 are studied one by one. It is impossible for any person to be able to live completely with all of these characteristics; however, our command is to be perfect as our Father in heaven is perfect. It should be our goal.
The second half of the course takes on 10 of some of the most common problems people have in their lives. This part of the study helps the student recognize the problems of his people when they are sharing with the pastor or counselor. Hopefully these sections will help the pastor keep his people on the right track by looking to Jesus for strength and wisdom. A word of caution. No student can think himself fully qualified as a counselor after taking this course. This is only an introduction to pastoral counseling, The path to becoming a clinical counselor is much longer and requires additional training.
What are the differences between a Pastoral and Clinical counselor? Dr. Stokes gives a good general description. “Clinical Counselors such as Clinical Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Social Workers, and Marriage and Family Therapists are licensed and regulated by various governmental boards and professional associations. Pastoral Counselors such as Pastors, Ministerial Counselors, Chaplains and Church Counselors are credentialed and regulated by various ecclesiastical governing structures and may be influenced by professional associations.”[2]There are many other differences that are worth reading about.[3]
GENERAL INTRODUCTION
A pastor of often the first “go to” being when a person is in trouble. The pastor must often respond to difficult issue for which he is not trained to act or speak. At the same time, church members may assume that since the pastor is their leader, he automatically knows how to “fix” or “cure” their problems. The complication is that the pastor may not be a Christian and may not know the Bible. For example, he does not know what it means to be forgiven and therefore cannot speak with experience or authority to other people what it means to forgive and be forgiven.
People assume that the pastor knows how to deal with depression, anxiety and anger. In reality there are many Bible Schools and seminaries that do not train their students in these areas. The student is not trained to recognize the symptoms and know how to treat the problem. In many cases there are sinful acts which must be confessed and repented of. Many pastors are afraid to name a problem as sin and thus are in no position to speak with authority from God’s Word.
This course is the first step in helping pastors recognizes symptoms of some of the most common fears and problems people face in their lives. There is also the hope that the pastor will have competent knowledge of the Bible so that he can speak, “Thus says the Lord.” Where there is sin, he must name it as a sin. When repentance is required, then he will encourage the counselee to repent. If an action is required, then the pastor will ask the counselee to take the appropriate steps.
LESSON ONE: THE PASTOR/COUNSELOR’S LIFE
In this lesson the student will
- Know how important it is to have a personal relationship with God.
- Know how important it is to be trained properly.
- Understand the portrait of a counselor.
- Understand the first steps a person must have to be an effective counselor.
- Be more clear in his understanding of what it means to be a steward, a herald and a witness.
General Comments
The course is named “Pastoral Counseling” because preachers and pastors are the people from whom advice is sought.Many pastors are known for their compassion and their love for their people. Thus it is from these leaders people seek for both physical and spiritual help.The pastor/counselor needs to have a listening ear, to be careful with whom he shares information given him, and to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Ministers need to know their own limitations and be able to refer to professional counselors when necessary. They must be able to discern between those actions that are sinful and those which can be cured or helped medically. Many times there are combinations of both sinful and physiological problems that need to be sorted out before the person can return to normal life. In this course the pastor will be helped not only to understand what is happening in the life of a troubled person but also to be trained in how to use the Bible correctly to address the circumstances in which people find themselves. This course is divided into two main sections. First, we will study the personal life of a pastor, looking in particular at the character and qualifications of the pastor. Second, we will consider some of the most common problems a counselor will face.
The Salvation of the Pastor
Diane Langberg says, “The true work of counselors is tending first to their own souls in relationship to Jesus Christ, since they cannot lead clients where they themselves have not gone first”.[4] The first and foremost requirement of a Christian counselor is that the counselor must have a relationship with God. This relationship must be a personal relationship where the pastor knows that he is a sinner and needs to come before God in a daily repentant manner. A pastor cannot point people to Jesus if he himself is not changed. The minister must be willing to be changed inwardly and outwardly by the Holy Spirit to be in a position to help other people change in their behavior.
Perhaps I am stating the obvious but let me explain clearly what I mean by a personal relationship with Jesus. It is called being saved, born again, or having ahe conversion experience. This conversion experience is the Holy Spirit working in such a way that a person understands that he is a sinner. The Apostle Paul says, “For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure”(Philppians2:13).
The person has come to understand that he has disobeyed the commands of a righteous God and has come under the judgment of a holy God who cannot disregard his sin. The person recognizes that he deserves death because of his disobedience. The sinner realizes that he cannot do anything to obtain salvation. He must repent of his sins and believe that Jesus died for him. He has come to the place where he accepts that God’s solution to his sin was to send his Son, Jesus, to die in his place as the perfect sacrifice to satisfy the justice and judgment of God the Father. Thus Jesus who is God took on himself the flesh and nature of a human and therefore is both God and man and in this position he died on the cross for us. Having believed this by faith, Jesus has now come to be both Lord and Savior of his life.The person has now come to the place where he wants to please Jesus as his friend, guide and counselor. This faith in Jesus is also called eternal life.
To put it honestly and bluntly, if a person does not believe in these things then he is not a Christian. A counselor may have had many experiences, studied in several universities and earned many academic degrees, but if there is no faith in Jesus for his salvation, then there is no advice or counseling that he gives that can be called truly Biblical.Without this faith the counselor has only head knowledge and no heart knowledge.
The Seriousness of the Pastor’s Work
Richard Baxter in his book The Reformed Pastor reminds us of the seriousness of the pastor’s work by giving us an example of a house on fire.[5]The owner of the house must be told in no uncertain terms that his house is burning down. It does not matter whether the way you tell him displeases him, or whether he objects that his reputation is at risk for speaking to him in such a way. In another example, Baxter asks us what we would do if we were in a leaky and sinking ship? There are those who do not care about anything with the exception of their own comfort and refuse to help bail out water. Wouldn’t we by any means get their attention and get them to help getthe water out? We might have to use sharp words demanding they start working or die. Those who are warning might be accused of being arrogant, full of pride and conceit. But in an emergency, we must tell others in such a way that we get his attention, whether it is considered rude or not. We must not allow other people’s accusations of laziness or their disagreement to prevent us in our work of warning with earnestness. It is with such urgency that a pastor must also help his people when they come to him for counsel. We cannot forget that they are people made in God’s image and for whom Christ died. At the same time,risking that it might soundcontradictory; the pastor must also use his time wisely. If not careful, the pastor’s time can be taken up entirely with counseling and be careless or neglect his other duties, such as studying and preparing his sermons.
Baxter later on reminds us that it is our truest friend who warns us against our own sins:
But plain dealers are always approved in the end.And the time is at hand when you shall confess that those were your truest friends. He that will deal plainly against your sins, in uprightness and honesty… He does not speak against sin because it is yours, but because it is sin.”[6]
The Public Role of the Pastor
Counselors are in a public role. If our attitude is such that we refuse to be corrected, we are not in the position to correct others. It is the human nature to think that we can hide our sins. To be certain, we may be able to hide for a while but the Bible promises us, "You may be sure that your sin will find you out” (Numbers32:23). If pastors “must teach, admonish and exhort each other daily, no doubt teachers may do it to one another without any superiority of power or degree. We have the same sins to mortify (put to death) and destroy, and we have the same graces to be quickened (made alive) and strengthened as our people have.”[7]Baxter is admonishing us to be open in our lives. We need to acknowledge our own sins, especially if other people point them out to us. At the very core of our being we fight against being open with our own sins. We want to be the one who is right.After all, we think, I am a pastor. If we are to be effective in our counseling we must also be open before God and man.
Why the Pastor Needs to Inspect his Own Life
At the risk of being somewhat redundant I will mention what it means to look at our own lives as well as the reasons Richard Baxter tells us to check our own spiritual lives. He mentions four explanations as to what it means to inspect our own lives. I will combine items two and four since they are so closely related.