Writing Effectively for PAHO

Writing Effectively for PAHO

Session 1review and Session 2 overview

Session 1

• Understand the traits of effective correspondence.
• Learn how to put the Bottom Line Up Front in correspondence. Begin with the main message in emails and letters.
• Anticipate and answer readers’ questions.

Session 2

• Write a useful subject line.
• Reduce the amount of email you send by making the requested action clear.
• Learn to use a personal, professional tone in email to sustain good relationships with internal and external readers.

A not-very-good email

Session 1 review

1. Which Session 1 writing samples were most meaningful to you? Why?

______

1. Which Session 1 writing practices will you try?

______

Module 5: Write a useful subject line

Which of these subject lines announce the content of the message?

Read the following subject lines, collected from a variety of e-mail inboxes. Check the ones you think help the reader understand what the message is about.

______/

1. New Judge Info.../Suggestions

______/

1. Last Day to Order Computer at Discount

______/

1. Technical Question

______/

1. Feedback Needed FCCA

______/

1. Silver Seal Sample Bottles

______/

1. Re: CHANT meeting

______/

1. $15 Million in Grants for Math and Science

______/

1. Important Information – Please Read

______/

1. Payment for Eddy Breeze

______/

1. New Web Spinner

______/

1. Join me in the Director's Box this Sunday, June 22?

______/

1. Vacation Leave Request Due Today

______/

1. Workshop – please reply

______/

1. Potential Commuting Problems Tomorrow – Friday, April 16

______/

1. Re: Arts Academy

______/

1. Library Resource Center Open House !!! REMINDER REMINDER!!!

______/

1. Sales Plan Feedback

______/

1. New Web Pages

______/

1. Vacation Leave

______/

1. New York Music Ensemble - This Sunday!

______/

1. Re: World Wide Web and Ballet

______/

1. Re: Hi

______/

1. Listing of 2015 materials/handouts Please review and respond by January 23.

Module 5: Write a useful subject line

Readers use the subject line to answer specific questions:

• When should I read this e-mail? Do I need to read it at all?
• What is it about?
• Will I need to do anything?

Write a subject line that helps readers:

• Use the subject line to announce the main message.
• Begin the subject line with a noun that identifies the kind of message you are writing

Noun Identifying Type of Message / Indicates the reader will have to do something

Module 5: Write a useful subject line

What’s wrong with this subject line?

Subject: exp date

Hi Rhonda,

My name is Sue Lyons. I work in the accounting department of ABC Printers and you have been working with Lori on getting a book printed here, I just have a quick question for you please. Lori gave me your job to run the initial charges through your credit card but unfortunately the card we have on file for you ending 2797 expired 09/12, would it be possible for you to supply me with the updated expiration so I can run your credit card and get your printing job into production? Please don't hesitate to call or email me with any questions you may have. Thank you very much for your time.

Thanks,

Sue Lyons, Accounting Department, ABC Printers

Put the important information in the beginning of your subject line.

Some e-mail systems display only the first 25-35 characters of the subject line. Reorder words to place the most important information first.

Subject:$15 Million in Grants for Math and Science - Upcoming Deadline

Revised Subject: Deadline for $15 Million of Math and Science Grants

Change the subject line when the content of the message changes.

If you perpetuate an outdated subject line readers may think they have already read the message or expect different message contents. When the topic of the message changes, update the subject line to reflect the new content. To help the reader, you may want to put the old subject in parenthesis at the end of the new subject line.

Subject: Re: Request to Hire Part-time Assistant

Revised Subject: Tech Support Problems (was: Request to Hire Part-time Assistant)

Module 5: Write a useful subject line

Practice writing subject lines for these e-mail messages

Sample 1

From:Jane Dunham

To:John Smith

Subject: American Journal of Public Health Subscription

Hello John,

I received the subscription invoice for the American Journal of Public Health,and I wanted to confirm that you wanted me to renew it. The bottom portion was off so I wanted to confirm that this journal hadn’t been paid for already.

Please let me know.

Best,

Jane Dunham

Sample 2

From:

To: Multiple recipients of list AHCI-L

Subject:Historical Society Photographs

SSU’s Office of Imaging, Printing, and Photographic Services (IPPS) provides online images covering topics ranging from air and space to science, technology, history and even current events. IPPS has just acquired a collection of 2,000 photographs from the SSU Historical Society. You can download these image files to view at home or in school. These images give you and your students the opportunity to see and learn about many of SSU’s interests and accomplishments over the years.

You have the Historical Society's permission to download these digital images to use in class presentations. Students can download them for research and media projects, etc. Check it out. There are some interesting images at

Please don't hesitate to get in touch with me if you would like more information or need some help.

Catherine Howe

Director of Media Relations, SSU

Improved Subject Line ______

Module 5: Write a useful subject line

Sample 3

From:

To:

Subject:Re: Need product descriptions for 2015 catalogue

Wendy, I just wanted to let you know that we’re about to change our accounts payable process and I promise to get your pricing agreement signed and turned around just as soon as possible. I’m having a meeting with our Sourcing Department on Friday and plan to turn it over to them. (I, unfortunately, don’t have the name of anyone else in the Sourcing Department for you to contact.)

Have a great holiday!

Larry

Improved Subject Line ______

Practice: Revise your own subject lines

1. Log in to your PAHO email.

1. Look through your sent emails.

1. Find three subject lines that could have been written in a better way.

1. Write the original and the improved subject lines here.

Original subject line / Improved subject line

Module 6: Write email that makes the requested action clear

How does the construction of this email make it difficult for readers to figure out what to do?

Sample

To:All Staff

From:Donna Gramble

Date:October 12, 2013

Subject:March For Health Equity

The Institute complex will be open on Monday, October 16. However, if you would like to participate in the event or if you have difficulty in commuting to work, and you wish to take annual leave or leave without pay, please contact your supervisor as soon as possible.

We in the Institute want to facilitate participation the March For Health Equity on October 16 for those staff members who want to participate and to plan appropriately for maintaining the Institute complex business and activities on that day.

Staff who are able and interested in working at home on October 16 or “doubling up” with colleagues in other Institute facilities should discuss this matter with his or her supervisor. Approval will be contingent upon the supervisor’s assessment of the issues in each case. Also, we urge you to consider carpooling on this day.

Staff members who have responsibility for participating in or supporting the CCS annual meeting is asked to make every effort to be at work on October 16. Because of this large meeting, it will not be possible for staff to use the visitor parking lot at the IAL Building.

Other information regarding food service and security will be provided separately by the Office of Administration.

Shuttle service will be provided if traffic conditions and street closings permit. However, this service may be disrupted. Staff are urged to not count on traveling among downtown Institute locations on October 16 if it can be avoided.

If you normally work in the IAL Building and would like assistance in locating opportunities for sharing an office on Monday at on of our other facilities, or need other information, please contact Theresa Joyner. She will assist you and will call you back with information as necessary.

Thank you very much for your cooperation and extra effort during this event.

Module 6: Write email that makes the requested action clear

Mark six changes that improve the construction of this revised email

To:All Staff

From:Donna Gramble

Date:October 12, 2013

Subject:March For Health Equity - Participation and Logistics

We in the Institute want to facilitate participation the March For Health Equity on October 16 for those staff members who want to participate and to plan appropriately for maintaining the Institute complex business and activities on that day.

This message includes the following instructions:

• How to take leave
• How to make alternative work arrangements
• How to commute to the institute and transportation to institute locations
• What to do if you are participating in the CCS annual meeting

How to take leave

The Institute will be open on Monday, October 16. However, if you wish to participate in the event or if you have difficulty in commuting to work, and you wish to take annual leave or leave without pay, please contact your supervisor immediately.

How to make alternative work arrangements

Staff who wish to work at home on October 16 or “double up” with colleagues in other Institute facilities should discuss this matter with their supervisors. Approval depends upon the supervisor’s assessment of each case. If you normally work in the IAL Building, please consider sharing an office on Monday at another Institute facility.

How to commute to the Institute and transportation to Institute locations

We urge you to consider carpooling on this day. Shuttle service will be provided if traffic conditions and street closings permit. However, this service may be disrupted. Staff are urged to not count on traveling among downtown Institute locations on October 16 if it can be avoided.

What to do if you are participating in the CCS annual meeting

Staff members who have responsibility for participating in or supporting the CCS annual meeting are asked to make every effort to be at work on October 16. Because of this large meeting, it will not be possible for staff to use the visitor parking lot at the IAL Building. Other information regarding food service and security will be provided separately by the Office of Administration.

REQUESTED ACTION: contact Theresa Joyner for information or assistance: or 202-555-1234 ext. 221.

Module 6: Write email that makes the requested action clear

E-mail message “skeleton”

From:

To:

Subject:

Module 6: Write email that makes the requested action clear

E-mail message “skeleton”

From:

To:

Subject:

Module 6: Write email that makes the requested action clear

Make it easy for the recipient to see who is going to do what by when

Subject: Invitation to Judge ABCD Customer Service Awards

Samuel,

It is award season again! I have the pleasure of inviting you to be a judge for the 2014 ABCD Customer Service Awards. ABCD considers you a leader in the customer service industry and someone who would add great value to the judging process. If you are willing to be a judge, please reply to this e-mail to let me know and please send me your bio, photo, and Twitter handle.

The category that we would like you to judge is: Best Customer Service Agent

The ABCD Customer Service Awards dinner will take place at the San Diego Convention Center on Wednesday, May 7, 2014 during the Customer Service Conference & Expo.You can find further information about this year's event on our website: abcd.com/awards.

As a judge of the ICMI Global Contact Center Awards you will agree to:

• Score entries in your category between 2/24 - 3/7
• Score finalist (recorded) interviews between 4/7 - 4/16
• Treat all materials provided to you as private and confidential

In return ABCD will agree to:

• Feature your Speaker Profile when we market the awards during April 2014
• Give you a ticket to the awards dinner on May 7, 2014 ($150 value)
• Supply all information you’ll need to carry out the judging process

Please send these items for our website:

• A short bio
• Your Twitter handle
• Your photo

I look forward to receiving confirmation of your availability to participate as soon as possible. If you have questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Best Regards,

Mary Anne Edwards

Marketing and Community Director

Module 6: Write email that makes the requested action clear

Practice: Revise this email so it’s easy for the reader to see who is going to do what by when

To: All Staff
From: Office of Environmental Safety
Subject: Individual Office Plants

Plants add tremendously to our environment and office atmosphere. They are a blessing and a gift! However, over the past several months our Office of Environmental Safety has received multiple reports and complaints of plant born infestations. During a recent Office of Environmental Safety courtesy walk through, plants located in several individual offices are apparently not being well cared for or properly maintained. In some cases this lack of attentiveness has caused contaminated, resulting in an infestation. This is a safety violation! Staff members who maintain plants to their offices are solely responsible for their care and maintenance.

• PLEASE minimize the number of plants in your office space. Generally, it is recommended that an individual have a maximum of two plants in their office.
• Remove or dispose those plants that require higher-maintenance to reduce the worry about watering and care.
• Do not over water your plants! Plants grown in offices usually have a diminished need for watering since light levels, low humidity and cool, comfortable temperatures are constant.
• Plants are not created equally…especially with regards to their adaptability to a particular office environment, tolerances, or neglect…please constantly check your plants.

The Office of Environmental Safety and the Office of Building Management are committed to ensure a safe and healthy work environment to all staff members. Those who continually neglect caring for their office plants will be subject to citation and a removal of all their plants from their offices. Please care for your plants. If you need any assistance in removing your plant, please contact the Office of Environmental Safety via the Intranet.

Who is going to do what?

• ______

• ______

By when?

• ______

Will the reader have questions?

• ______

Module 7: Use a personal, professional tone

Set your “tone temperature” to help you achieve your purpose for writing.

50 degrees / 80 degrees
Cold, bureaucratic tone / Warm, casual tone

Revise this e-mail so the writer’s tone supports his message.

From:Swanson, Charles
To:Financial Aid Office
Subject:Request for final review of items to keep on the K Drive

Attached please find a summary of the materials on the K drive that people identified as being used. All financial aid employees should review the summary, examine the K drive once again, contact me immediately to make me aware of any omissions from the summary.

Employees who mistakenly assume that I realize they utilize particular items on the K drive are thoroughly mistaken. It is your responsibility to identify items you do NOT want removed.

The deadline for your response is January 7th. Any responses received after that date will be disregarded.

Charles Swanson, Director of Financial Aid

University of Silver Spring

Module 7: Use a personal, professional tone

Study the tone of each correspondent. How do their tones differ?

First e-mail

From:Kevin Shapiro
To:Watkins, Marta
Subject:RE: Need retainer contract

Hi, Marta –

Good morning. Thanks for mailing the retainer contract to me; I received it last Friday. Do you want me to complete it now or just wait until a customized training opportunity arises?

I’m looking forward to working with you.

Thanks –

Kevin

------

Kevin Shapiro

The Education Company

800-555-1212

Reply

From:Watkins, Marta
To:Kevin Shapiro
Subject:Re: RE: Need retainer contract

Kevin:

I received your reply. If you would, execute the retainer document and return three copies to my attention. We can add the addendum with the individual courses if and when we receive inquiries.

Marta Watkins, Ph.D.
Manager, Education and Member Services
LEARNING Service Center
11 Washington Circle N.W.
Suite 150
Washington, D.C. 20055

Module 7: Use a personal, professional tone

How does the tone of this email exchange affect the efficiency?

First e-mail

Subject: VERY IMPORTANT MUST READ

From: Doreen, Warren Corp. Administrative Assistant

To: Melissa, Warren Corp. Director of Business Development

Date: 20714 04:25 PM

Melissa,

Your Code of Business Conduct Certification Form has not yet been received in human resources. Please deliver your form to Belinda Sweeney no later than close of business on Thursday, February 8th. This information will be included in a report to the board of directors. Should you choose to fax the form, the number is 4311343 and mail the original to Belinda. Your cooperation is appreciated –

Doreen

Second e-mail

Subject: Re: VERY IMPORTANT MUST READ

From: Melissa, Warren Corp. Director of Business Development

To: Doreen, Warren Corp. Administrative Assistant

Date: 20714 05:45 PM

Hi, Dorreen,

I did turn in my form when I started to work for PNC Products, 2 years ago. I would be happy to fill out another one. Could you the blank form to my office? Thanks –

Melissa

Module 7: Use a personal, professional tone

Third e-mail

Subject: Re (2): VERY IMPORTANT MUST READ