“The Nearly End of the World”
a radio theatre production script
story by Kent Byun, Jennifer Su, Leegan Lim, DaphneKan, and Tom Craig
Radio Theatre
Production Script
Copyright © 2004
CAUTION: No part of this script may be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or reproduced in any way, including but not limited to photocopy, photograph, magnetic, electronic or other record without prior written permission of the publisher. All performance rights (amateur and professional), including but not limited to motion picture, recitation, video, audio, public reading, radio, TV and cable vision broadcasting are reserved.
THE NEARLY END OF THE WORLD
CAST OF CHARACTERS
CharacterActor
Narrator, Aliens,
and JakeKent Byun
Melissa and AliensJennifer Su
Mr. Craig and DadTom Craig
MikeLeegan Lim
Michelle and MomDaphneKan ______
Sound EngineerBen Cotton
Technical Advisor and EditorLaura Holmgren
______
Scene 1
1. MUSIC:(INTRODUCTORY PIECE)
2. MIKE:So, how did you think school was? Was
it bad or was it horrible?
3. JAKE:Both. The teacher was so fat! I mean,
I wonder how he gets to school. He
definitely wouldn’t be able to fit in
the car!
4. MIKE:Ha! Our teacher was really and I mean
really grumpy.
5. JAKE:Well, that’s at least better than a
fatso for a teacher!
6. MIKE:Oh yeah! Our teacher is really, really
stupid!
7. SOUND:FOOTSTEPS(REPEAT THROUGHOUT)
1. MIKE:Someone really stupid asked him if he
got out on the wrong side of the bed
and you know what? He answered, “My
bed is against the wall, excuse me!”
2. JAKE:I bet my teacher is funnier than yours.
My teacher is such an idiot! He asked
us if we knew how grading works. Then
he asked us what grade we were in.
Well, duh!
3. MIKE:Yeah, sure!
4. JAKE:No really. He asked us what grade we
were in! Who is your teacher anyway?
5. MIKE:His name is Mr. Craig.
6. JAKE:Oh, that old stupid head! Boy,
sometimes I wonder if he ever checks
his IQ. It’s probably a ten!
7. MIKE:You know what I thought the first time
I saw him?
8. JAKE:No, what?
9. MIKE:I was like, I wonder, was he born with
a mush or a rock in his head?
10. JAKE:No, really? Did you really think that?
11. MIKE:Yeah! Hey, today let’s take that road
over there. I wanna check it out. It’s
probably going to lead to the house
anyway.
1. JAKE:Alright! So, did your teacher give you
loads of homework?
2. MIKE:Are you kidding me? Of course he gave
me loads of homework! All teachers
give you loads of homework!
3. JAKE:The math teacher?
4. MIKE:Yup!
5. JAKE:The English teacher?
6. MIKE:Yup!
7. JAKE:The PE teacher?
8. MIKE:(PAUSES) No.
9. JAKE:I thought you said all teachers gave
you loads of homework.
10. MIKE:Well, not including the PE teacher.
11. SOUND:(PAUSES)
12. SOUND:VORTEX WIND
13. MIKE:Whoa! A vortex?
14. JAKE:What the…huh? Ah!
15. MIKE:Jake? Jake? Where are you? Jake?
16. MUSIC:(BRIDGE)
Scene 2
17. MR. CRAIG:Hello again. Today we will learn how
To make a black hole.
1. MICHELLE:How are we going to create one?
2. MELISSA:Just shut up and you will know!
3. MR. CRAIG:As you can see now…we got rabbit furs…
4. SOUND:SPLAT
5. MR. CRAIG:Frog eyes…
6. SOUND:SPLAT
7. MR. CRAIG:Frog tongue…
8. SOUND:SPLAT
9. MR. CRAIG:And food coloring.
10. SOUND:SPLAT
11. MR. CRAIG:The food coloring is for…
12. MIKE:Why are we making a black hole? Won’t
it suck us in?
13. MELISSA:Don’t you dare interrupt Mr. Craig! Do you understand?
14. MIKE:(WHIMPERS) Yes madam.
15. MR. CRAIG:As I was saying, the food coloring is
for the color of your black hole. For
instance, if you use red food coloring,
your black hole will turn out red. Get
it?
16. CLASS:(WHIMPERS) Yes sir.
17. MR. CRAIG:Time for PE. Get out!
1. SOUND:FOOTSTEPS
2. MR. CRAIG:Wait Mike, you stay!
3. MIKE:Umm…okay.
4. MICHELLE:(WHISPER LOUDLY) What does he want now?
5. MIKE:I don’t know.
6. SOUND:DOOR SLAM
7. MICHELLE:Whatever he wants, you better be
careful. Later.
8. SOUND:(PAUSE) 9. MR. CRAIG: Hello Mikey boy. Do you know why I
kept you in? Huh? Do you?
10. MELISSA:Yo! Craig. Hello? He’s to dumb to
know why you kept him in, so don’t
waste your energy on screaming at him
now. Save it for the best part.
11. MR. CRAIG:Hmm. Your right. I should save it.
12. MIKE:Why did you keep me in?
13. MR. CRAIG:For this!
14. SOUND:METAL DOOR CLOSES
15. SOUND:SINISTER LAUGH
16. MELISSA:What do we do with him now? Those
stupid students will be back any minute
by now. What do we do with him?
17. MR. CRAIG:Oh, it’s simple. Hide him in one of
those big closets.
1. SOUND:DOOR OPENS
2. SOUND:STUDENTS ENTER CLASSROOM
3. MR. CRAIG:Okay students, it’s time to leave now.
Bye bye.
4. MICHELLE:Where is Mike?
5. MR. CRAIG:Oh yeah. I let him leave a little
early. He should be home right
about now.
6. MICHELLE:Are you sure?
7. MR. CRAIG:Yes, I am one hundred percent sure.
8. MICHELLE:Hmm…
9. MELISSA:Get out!
10. MICHELLE:Umm, okay. Have a nice day. Bye bye.
11. TEACHERS:Bye.
12. MUSIC:(BRIDGE)
Scene 3
13. MIKE:Man, I don’t believe stupid old Craig
locked me up!
14. CRAIG:Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa! You think you
can escape?
15. SOUND:FOOTSTEPS(FADE OUT)
16. MR. CRAIG:I would love to see you die, but first
I have to go to the men’s room. Don’t
escape while I’m gone!
1. MIKE:I have to escape! Hey! The keys are
on the table, which is…(GRUNT) just out
of my reach. Stupid Craig. Stupid,
stupid, Craig. Hey, now I remember my
karate lessons. If I lean back, run
and throw out my arm…yes! The keys!
2. SOUND:KEYS JINGLING
3. MIKE:Now all I have to do is…
4. SOUND:DOOR OPENS
5. MR. CRAIG:No!
6. MIKE:Ah!
7. SOUND:FOOTSTEPS RUNNING
8. MIKE:Michelle, run!
9. SOUND:FOOTSTEPS RUNNING
10. MIKE:Another vortex?
11. SOUND:VORTEX WIND
12. MICHELLE:What now?
13. MUSIC:(BRIDGE)
Scene 4
14. SOUND:CROWD SCREAMING
15. SOUND:THUMP
16. MIKE:Michelle? Where are you? Michelle?
17. ALIENS:Welcome to Planet Z. Intruders!
Intruders! Intruders! Destroy!
1. NARRATOR:Meanwhile, Michelle was screaming her
lungs out.
2. SOUND:SCREAM
3. ALIENS:Destroy! Destroy! Destroy!
4. NARRATOR:Then suddenly, Mr. Craig came out of
nowhere and bam! Mr. Craig, Michelle,
and Mike crashed into each other.
5. ALL:Ouch!
6. MIKE:My head!
7. MICHELLE:My arm!
8. MR. CRAIG:My stomach!
9. MUSIC:(BRIDGE)
Scene 5
10. MIKE:Ouch! Gosh!
11. MICHELLE:Gosh yourself! (GROANS)
12. MR. CRAIG:Ouch! Gosh both of you! (GROANS) Oh,
there you are. Hello, my slaves.
13. ALIEN #1:(STUTTERS) Oh, umm…uh…
14. ALIEN #2:Shut up you blockhead! Welcome home
boss. Um, we’re happy to see you.
15. ALIEN #3:Yeah! We’re very happy to see you. We
Just finished making that black hole
You told us to aim at Earth.
1. MIKE:Huh? Black hole? Aimed at Earth? What
the…Hey aliens, are you out of your
mind? Why you…(CONTINUES PANTING)
2. MICHELLE:Um, Mike?
3. MIKE:Don’t you dare! What Michelle?
4. MICHELLE:I think we should get going because of
(PAUSE) him!
5. MIKE:O yeah. Good point. Um, so let’s jet.
6. SOUND:FOOTSTEPS THROUGHOUT
7. MR. CRAIG:Oh, hello Mike! I’ve missed you since
you escaped from my little cage and ran
into that vortex with Michelle. After
them!
8. MICHELLE:(PANTING) Oh, how nice! Just great!
first we go into this stupid vortex
and end up in the middle of nowhere.
Then aliens and our evil homeroom
teacher chase us. Now what is more
crazy than that?
9. MIKE:Nothing.
10. MICHELLE:One more thing: let’s just get back to
Earth!
11. MIKE:No way! We have to stop the black hole
from swallowing up Earth. Then I have
to go find my brother, Jake.
1. MICHELLE:Jake?
2. MIKE:Yeah, he’s my brother. He got sucked
in by a vortex just a while ago. He’s
more likely to be on this planet. So
first let’s just concentrate on…
3. MR. CRAIG:I’ll get you! You’ll never get away
from me!
4. MICHELLE:I shouldn’t have ran in PE class today.
I’m tired. Are we ever going to get
away?
5. MIKE:I hope so! Quick! In here! That was
close! Ah!
6. MICHELLE:Are you alright?
7. MIKE:Yeah, I just tripped on this. What?
Jake? Is that you? Jake?
8. JAKE:Huh? Who are you?
9. MIKE:Hello, wake up and smell the coffee,
even though you don’t drink coffee.
10. MICHELLE:Mission one accomplished!
11. JAKE:Is that you, Mike?
12. MIKE:Yeah, it’s me. So now that we found
you, we have to go and stop this
gigantic black hole from hitting Earth
and we have to explain to the school
why we ditched classes and why Mr.
Craig isn’t there, and we have to
explain to mom and dad why we’re late
and why we shouldn’t be grounded!
Whew!
1. JAKE:Oh, who’s that?
2. MIKE:That’s Michelle, a classmate.
3. MICHELLE:Hi. Let’s go!
4. MR. CRAIG:Hello, I thought my little army of
aliens would like to greet you.
5. MICHELLE:Uh oh, problem.
6. MUSIC:(BRIDGE)
Scene 6
7. MIKE:We’re screwed!
8. JAKE:Find something, anything.
9. MIKE:What?
10. JAKE:Find something.
11. MIKE:Why?
12. JAKE:To fight with you dolt!
13. MIKE:Oh.
14. MICHELLE:I found a rock.
15. MIKE:I found a lead pipe.
16. JAKE:I found a stick.
1. MR. CRAIG:Well, I found a ray gun! Ha ha!
2. ALIENS:Ray guns, ray guns, ray guns!
3. SOUND:EVIL LAUGH
4. MICHELLE:Okay, that’s just freaky.
5. JAKE:Yup.
6. MR. CRAIG:Attack!
7. ALIENS:Attack!
8. MICHELLE:Okay you guys, there’s only one rule in
this game: don’t get killed!
9. SOUND:METAL CLANGING AND LASERS
10. JAKE:Oh boy! This is so fun! I mean, how
many people get to knock out aliens and
save the world?
11. MIKE:Take that, and that, and that! Whoops!
Sorry about your teeth.
12. MICHELLE:Nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, and oh, I
got him in the head, twenty-two!
13. MR. CRAIG:Come on aliens! We can beat these
little midgets! They’re just teensy
weensy…oof!
14. MIKE:Nice, Michelle!
15. MICHELLE:I didn’t know I can aim that well.
16. JAKE:You know, it’s not that fun jabbing
People with a stick. You don’t get to
Kill them.
1. MIKE:Too bad. Hey, Jake, steal a ray gun!
2. JAKE:Oh yeah. I never thought of that! Let
me see how to work this thing. Cool!
3. MIKE:Cool!
4. MICHELLE:I think I’ll get into action! My count
of how many aliens I killed is
thirty-six right now. I think I’ll
borrow a ray gun.
5. ALIENS:Flee, flee, flee, before our species
are endangered!
6. MR. CRAIG:What?
7. MIKE:Ha!
8. MR. CRAIG:You! I’ll get you!
9. MICHELLE:Are boys always so intent on killing
each other?
10. JAKE:I don’t have a clue, but as for me,
yeah!
11. MICHELLE:(GROANS) Boys, sheesh.
12. MR. CRAIG:I’ll win, you’ll see.
13. MIKE:Actually, I’m very sorry, but…
14. JAKE:You’re not!
15. MR. CRAIG:You’re lying! Oh dear! I forgot the
black hole! It’s getting closer to
Planet Z! Oh yeah! My controller!
1. MIKE:Ah! No you don’t!
2. MR. CRAIG:Nooooooo! My dream of seeing a black
hole swallow Earth is gone!
3. MIKE:Well, I’ll fulfill one of your dreams.
you said you wanted to see a black hole
swallow Earth, but you’re going to see
a black hole swallow up…you!
4. MR. CRAIG:Nooooooo!
5. MICHELLE:Okay. That was freaky!
6. JAKE:Yup! Good going Mike! Wow, we have a
wonderful excuse to why Mr. Craig is
absent. He got swallowed up by a black
hole! Just think: the teachers would
look blankly at us with their jaws
dropping to the floor and…
7. MIKE:Uh oh! I think we should change the
course of this hole and have it swallow
up Planet Z! Am I smart or what?
8. MICHELLE:Oh yes, you’re a genius! You’re going
to swallow up Planet Z with a black
hole while we are still on it! Do you
have any brain? I want to see another
day here!
1. MIKE:Okay, calm down. We’ll just halt the
black hole and find a way to come back.
Uh oh! We’re busted!
2. JAKE:What?
3. MIKE:The controller…it’s dead.
4. MICHELLE:Good going mister smarty pants!
5. MIKE:Gee, we’ll just get out of here! Calm
down! Go eat a cucumber! Cool down!
6. MICHELLE:Uh oh! The hole is starting to swallow
up the planet! Move, guys! Don’t just
stand there like nothing is happening!
7. JAKE:Hey! Didn’t Mr. Craig have a spaceship
when he arrived here?
8. MIKE:Yeah.
9. JAKE:Do you think we can…?
10. MICHELLE:Of course! But you’re driving and you
better not kill us or I’ll sue you!
11. MIKE:(MUMBLING) Like you can sue me when
you’re dead.
12. JAKE:There it is. Get in!
13. MICHELLE:Hurry up! The hole is coming! Just
start the stupid engine and get going!
14. MIKE:But I don’t know how to drive.
15. SOUND:BEEP(BUTTON PUSH)
1. MIKE:What did you do that for?
2. MICHELLE:I wasn’t going to wait until the last
second to take off!
3. MIKE:Well…
4. JAKE:Just shut up! Look up front!
5. MICHELLE:Look! Another vortex. Okay that’s it.
I’m going home. Bye you two.
6. MIKE:Whew! That was exciting. Let’s go
home.
7. JAKE:I wonder what mom and dad were doing
while we were gone.
8. MOM:Oh, we were so worried! Why did you
come home so late?
9. JAKE:We had a little business to take care
of.
10. MIKE:Actually, we saved Earth from total
destruction.
11. DAD:Well then, if you saved Earth, here is
your little thank you present. You’re
both grounded!
12. SIBLINGS:(GROAN) Awww.
13. MUSIC:(CONCLUSION)