“Peyton wake up! Wake up Peyton! It’s a snow day! Let’s go play in the snow!” Gabe starts tugging on my blankets now.
“Gabe, let me sleep in for five more minutes please!” He storms out of my room and I try to fall back asleep since this is the only day I get to sleep in. As soon as I start to doze back off I hear the rumble of Jax’s pick-up truck pulling into my driveway.
“Peyton Jax is here!” My mom calls up from the stairway.
“Yeah I know send him up please!”
My dad opens the door for Jax, “How you doing Jax? Excited to have a day off school?”
“Oh you bet Mr. Stirckland! Is she still up in her room?”
“Yes she is you can go ahead up there.” My mom chimed in.
I hear him run up the stairs and open the door. His light brown, shaggy hair sneaks out from his hat that reminds me a lot of a lumberjack. He’s wearing so many clothes it looks like he has gained ten pounds since the last time I saw him.
“Hey baby, I thought I’d take you and Gabe sledding at the park today. How’s that sound?” He kisses my forehead and sits on the foot of my bed.
“Yeah sounds good, let me get some warmer clothes on and I’ll be down in a minute.”
“Okay I’ll go down and make some moo-cha-cha for us.” Moo-cha-cha is something Jax’s mom used to make for him when he was a child. All it really is isregular hot chocolate with a hint of cinnamon.He walks out of my room and is greeted by Gabe.
“Did I hear the word sledding come out of your mouth Jax?!”
“You sure did buddy go get dressed and we will be on our way!”
“You’re the best!”
Gabe runs down the hall to change. I always admire how sweet Jax is, not just to me but to Gabe and my parents. Gabe comes running down stairs jumping over the last two, “I’m ready! Come on Peyton lets go!”
“Coming!” I shout back. Gabe can be such a pain sometimes but I really couldn’t ask for a better little brother. Jax grabs the thermal of moo-cha-cha and we run out the door.
“Be careful, have fun and be home by two please we are going to see grandma and grandpa! Love you guys!” Mom shouted after us.
“Yeah okay, we will. Love you too!”
And we were off! Jax’s truck plowed through the snow as a car does the rain. That’s one of the reason i have always felt so safe and secure in his truck. As we were pulling up to the park Gabe was getting so excited he was practically hyperventilating.
“Calm down lil man you’re gonna give yourself a heart attack”
“Sorry Jax, I’m just so excited! I love sledding!”
Gabe hopped out of the truck before Jax even had time to stop completely and put it in park. We all grabbed some sleds out of the bed of the truck and sprinted to the top of the hill.
“Ready! Set! See ya!” Gabe shouted as he did a belly flop onto the sled and raced down the hill.
“I’m coming for you!” I yelled after him.
We were having so much fun I didn’t realize it was already 2:30.
“Oh no! Jax we have to leave! My parents are going to kill me!” I look up and see my mom and dad standing in the parking lot. “We gotta go Gabe come on!”
“Aw man I was having so much fun!”
“Oh stop whining, mom and dad are here.”
I turned to Jax, “Thanks baby, I had a great day. I love you. I’ll call you when I get home.”
“Anything for you guys, tell your grandparents I said hello. I love you sweetheart.”
I gave him a peck on the cheek and ran up the hill.
“I’m so sorry mom I had no idea it was so late.”
“Oh it’s fine honey your dad and I were cleaning up the house anyway.”
We piled into my dad’s little black Saturn, it’s not as secure feeling as Jax’s pick-up truck but its defiantly cozier.
“So what type of music do we want to listen to today?” Dad asks this every time we get in the car. He gets the same replies every time. I say country, Gabe says the Kidz Bop CD, mom says classical and dad always wants rock-and-roll.
“We listened to Gabe’s CD last time, it’s my turn.”
“Fair enough, Country it is.”
I have always loved our little family trips especially out to my grandma and grandpas. The highway is decorated with trees on both sides making it one of the prettiest places to drive on. Today it looked especially pretty, snow covered the ground and icicles hung on the tree. I was staring out the window, zoning everything out besides the music. There’s something about music that makes everything seem more perfect. As I was staring out the window everything started to spin. Suddenly there was more noise than just the music. Tires were screeching and metal was crushing. Suddenly everything got silent. I sat there for a few moments trying to gather my thoughts. I don’t know how any of this happened but I feel fine. I got up and was still able to walk, I was on the side of the road but I wasn’t cold. I see a shoe and run towards it. It’s a black penny loafer, size 10 and that’s when I realize it’s my dad’s.
“Dad?!Mom?! Gabe?! Where are you guys? Can you hear me?”
As I walk past where the shoe was I see drops of blood. This can’t be happening. As I walk farther I can see a leg, hanging out from a ditch on the side of the road. It’s my dad. The virgin snow is now stained red. At that point I know he is dead. I found my mom about 15 feet from dad. Mom didn’t look bad; there was barely any blood around her but she’s not breathing.
“Mom? Wake up. You have to wake up mom. Please, I’m begging you, get up for me, get up for Gabe.”
Now I’m starting to panic. Where is Gabe? I can’t find Gabe. I need to find Gabe! I walk back toward the car and see a body on the other side of the road, the side that Gabe was sitting on.
“Gabe, I’m coming! Hang on buddy!”
I have to climb over several car parts to get to him. As soon as I get over there I see a pink scarf. Gabe wasn’t wearing a pink scarf, I was. I stand over my own still body. How can this be? Am I dead? I call Gabe’s name again and now I realize I can’t see my breath. This isn’t right. If I’m dead how can I be standing here? All I know is that I’m not in my own body. Now the ambulances are starting to arrive. The first ambulance pulled up and a short stubby paramedic climbs out. He reaches my mom about the same time the second ambulance pulled up. The short guy put a white tarp over my mom. The second guy jumped out of the ambulance and put my dad in a bag.
“We got a live one over here!”
A few paramedics run over to my body. Did they just say I was alive? I don’t believe it, that’s not possible they must have something wrong. They put my body on a stretcher and pushed it into the ambulance. I climbed in after them and they shut the doors. I never did find Gabe I hope he’s okay. I watch as they put a tube down my throat and attach a bubble to it.
“She’s in a stage eight coma. We need to get to the hospital now! Can you drive a little faster?”
“Getting into an accident ourselves won’t do her much good. I’ll get us there as fast as I can”
The ride is bumpy and I have no idea how they can possibly work on me under these conditions. We reach the hospital and the doctors are there waiting for me. One paramedic climbsout and greets the doctor.
“What’s the status?” the doctor asks.
“She’s in a stage eight coma.”
“And the other passengers?”
“Parents dead on the scene and a little boy about six or seven right behind us.”
That must be Gabe they are talking about. Oh thank god he must be alive. If he wasn’t alive he wouldn’t be on his way to the hospital. They take me into a big room with about six doctors. A really cute doctor grabs scissors and starts cutting my clothes off exposing my naked body. Now I’m to embarrassed to watch. I turn around to try to leave. I know I can’t open the door but I wonder if I can walk through it. I try and I hit the door. If I was in my body I’m sure it would have hurt. I’m still not quite used to this whole ‘I’m not in my body’ situation. A nurse walks in and I slip out through the door. I wonder if my grandparents know yet. How is Jax going to find out? My mom and dad would have been the ones to call Jax if something would have happened to me but they can’t. My grandparents don’t have his number. I walk through the halls hoping to find someone like me, someone out of their body. Do I get the choice to live or die or is that made up for me? There are so many questions I have to ask but no one to answer them. I see my grandparents are in the waiting room now. I’ve never seen my grandpa cry before but he’s crying like a new born baby. Something about seeing a grown man cry really changes things. One of my doctors approaches my grandma.
“Hi, I’m Doctor Martin. I’m Peyton’s doctor. She is in a stage eight coma which means he brain is swollen. We have her on a machine to breathe for her and an IV to keep her brain from getting more swollen but unfortunately it will not make it any less swollen. We have done all we can for her but the rest is up to her. There’s nothing more we can do for her. You can go see whenever you would like. I think it helps the patient out a lot to hear from their loved ones. And as far as Gabe goes he is suffering some internal bleeding and a collapsed lung. We took him up to surgery and we will keep you updated.”
“Thank you doctor.”
My grandma and grandpa get up to come see me I assume. I follow behind them as they slowly walk into my room. My grandpa looks at me and takes a step back toward the door.
“I can’t do this yet, I’ll give you some time alone with her” My grandpa says as he heads toward the door.
My grandma sits down next to me and grabs my hand but I can’t feel it.
“Hey baby girl, its grandma. I’m so sorry you’re in this position. I wish I could take your spot. You don’t deserve this. Gabe is in surgery, he might make it. Why do bad things happen to good people? I love you but I’m not gonna ask you to stay. I want you to know that you can leave if you want to, I wouldn’t blame you. But if you stay I promise I will help you with anything I can.”
I wish I could talk to her. I wish I could squeeze her hand and tell her I love her too but I can’t. I guess it really is my choice. Now I wish someone could make that choice for me. How can I live without my parents? They mean the world to me. But I can’t just leave. I’m only 18, I have a whole life ahead of me. And if Gabe makes it I can’t leave him alone. The door opens and Jax walks in. He shakes my grandpa’s hand, gives my grandma a hug and asks for a second alone with me. My grandma gets up and walks out of the room. Jax looks like a mess. For the year and a half that we have been together I have never seen him like this. He sits down and pulls a small box out of his coat pocket.
“I got this for you for Christmas, but under the circumstances I think you can have it a little early.”
He opens the box to reveal beautiful diamond necklace. He wraps it around my neck and sits back down.
“It looks just as beautiful as I thought it would.”
Then he lays a small pink bear under my arm. He takes a deep breath in as he tries to find the words to say.
“Oh Peyton, I don’t know what I’d do without you. Please don’t leave me. I need you in my life. You’re my everything. Remember our first date?”
I think back to how perfect our first date really was. Jax is the first guy I have ever really dated. We met at school in second hour art class. He was new to the school sat in the corner by himself. Usually I’m a really shy person but there was something about Jax that made me feel comfortable. When we got our first assignment he saw how bad I was at drawing and would help me with my projects.
“So what are you doing this weekend?” he asked me one day.
“Just the usual, sit at home and relax.” I replied. I never really went out on the weekends. I didn’t really have any friends; I kept to myself most of the time.
“Go out with me this Saturday.”
This caught me off guard. “Uh I’ll think about it”
“Okay so I’ll pick you up around seven. See you then!”
“Wait I never said y-“By the time I could finish he was already heading out the door. He turned around and gave me a cute little smirk. He picked me up at seven on Saturday just as he said he would. We went out to dinner at this small Italian restaurant. Then he took me to the boardwalk and we rode some rides and played carnival games and that’s when he won me the small pink bear. We took a walk on the beach of Lake Michigan. I know it’s cheesy and cliché but it was the best night of my life. I never thought I would find someone like Jax.
“After that night I knew I would fall in love with you. I knew you were perfect.” I wish I could feel him touching me, I wish I could feel his soft kiss one more time, and I wish I could tell him that I’m right here, that I haven’t made my mind up but I’m still here and that I love him but I can’t. This makes my decision so much harder. I know my parents would want me to stay and live my life for them and make them proud but I don’t know how I can make it without them. But how can I possibly leave behind my grandma and grandpa and Jax. I wish I knew how Gabe was doing. Just then my grandma walked back into the room.
“Gabe made it through surgery. He’s going to make it.”
Jax grabs my hand, “Did you hear that? Gabe is okay! You have to come back to us Peyton this isn’t right he needs you, I need you, we all need you. Please don’t leave.”
I think about Gabe and how his life is going to be without us. I think he would like me to stay. I wonder if Gabe had a choice. If Gabe can make his decision I think I can make mine. Suddenly I can feel Jax’s hand on mine and I rub my thumb on the top of his hand. This is the first time since the accident I can feel the pain of everything. My throat hurts, my head hurts, my back hurts, everything hurts. Despite all the pain I think I made the right choice, at least I hope I did.