Expats' Advice to Couples /
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By Perri Capell /
Many prospective U.S. expatriates and their families expect their time overseas to be a wonderful adventure. But before you go, talk in depth about some of the potential pitfalls. Some families are blindsided by culture shock or other unexpected developments and struggle to adjust.
"Everyone has the illusion they will live next to Buckingham Palace, but there's often a big difference between expectations and realities," says Jack Sheehan, senior vice president for petroleum and chemicals at Bechtel Corp., an international construction company.
Mr. Sheehan, a retired four-star U.S. Marine Corps general, has helped relocate hundreds of expats and their families overseas while in the military and at Bechtel. Typically, families that aren't suited to living in foreign countries "self-select" themselves out after hearing about the relocation package and a country's environment, he says. Still, based on his experience, he says about 10% of Bechtel expatriates return before the completion of their assignments, mostly for family reasons, says Mr. Sheehan.
Family issues are the main reason for assignment "failures," cited by about two-thirds of human-resources managers world-wide surveyed in 2005 by GMAC Global Relocation Services and the National Foreign Trade Council. Within that category, HR managers said spouse or partner dissatisfaction was the biggest cause. And family reasons and a spouse's career are the top reasons why executives decline foreign stints, according to the survey.
Couples who discuss their goals and expectations tend to do better than those who make the move blithely. These tips may help if you're considering an overseas assignment.
1. Figure out what the nonworking partner will do.
Erin Crouch says she couldn't wait to move to Russia in August 2000 to become a test administration specialist for the American Councils for International Education, a nonprofit organization. She speaks fluent Russian and had spent time there as a high school and college student. Ms. Crouch says she thought her husband, Ron, then a diesel mechanic, would love Russia as much as she did.
"There was almost no discussion about it," she says. "We really didn't think through what he would do there, and that was part of the problem."
The couple moved to Novosibirsk, the capital of Siberia, where Ms. Crouch gave tests to prospective exchange students. She loved her work, but says her husband depended on her more than she expected, because he didn't speak Russian and wasn't comfortable with the culture. He returned to the U.S. after only a year. A few months later, Ms. Crouch transferred to the council's Washington, D.C., headquarters, where she worked until the end of 2002.
Now director of the small-business development center for the Industrial Council of Chicago, Ms. Crouch, 29, says couples should talk about what the nonworking spouse will do while overseas and choose destinations where both members are on an equal footing. "Don't go to a place where only one of you is invested," she says.
2. Negotiate in advance how you'll handle important issues.
In early 2003, Karen Sheehan worked in sales for a health-care company. Her husband, Garrett Rush, was a forensic financial analyst, and the pair were so busy working that they seldom saw each other. When Mr. Rush was accepted in the INSEAD graduate business-school program based in Fontainebleau, France, Ms. Sheehan opted to quit her job to go with him and have their first baby.
As a negotiator, she felt strongly that the couple should have a contract spelling out how they would handle different issues that might come up. While the two didn't write down the terms, they discussed them thoroughly. "We talked about it tremendously, and I told him there were certain things I needed," says Ms. Sheehan. "When I got frustrated, I would say, 'This isn't in the contract.' "
The couple also talked about challenges Ms. Sheehan would face not having a job, says Mr. Rush, now a management consultant with Blue Ridge Partners in McLean, Va.. As it turned out, the experience made Ms. Sheehan, 32, interested in helping women to stay connected professionally when they take time off from the work force. When she and Mr. Rush returned to Arlington, Va., they founded W2W Ventures LLC, a start-up that helps professionals facing a career absence. Ms. Sheehan is its managing director.
3. Give it time before pulling the plug.
When Kent Millington was offered a job in Tokyo in 2001, his wife, Linda, quit her work as a massage therapist and teacher at a massage school to go with him. Mr. Millington's Internet-hosting company, Verio Inc., of Denver, had been sold to NTT Communications Corp. in 2000, and Mr. Millington was asked to represent Verio in Japan as vice president of Asia operations. "I wouldn't have wanted him to go by himself," says Ms. Millington, who was 55 at the time.
NTT didn't offer orientation classes, and the couple didn't expect the culture shock they experienced. Neither spoke Japanese, and with her husband off at work each day, Mrs. Millington fought to adjust. She struggled with the Tokyo mass-transit system. Just buying food was difficult, because she couldn't read the labels. "It was three months of real challenge," says Mr. Millington, who was 56 then. "She was struggling, and I was so concerned about her and her adjustment."
Even though she wanted to return to the U.S., Ms. Millington didn't give up. She forced herself to leave their apartment, learn the transportation system and find things to do. When she heard of interesting classes or volunteer activities, she figured out how to get to them. After three months, she felt more at home. Ultimately, the couple loved the time they spent in Japan and made many friends during their nearly two-year stay. "It was a real adventure," says Mrs. Millington, who says she learned she was more capable than she thought.
-- Ms. Capell is a senior correspondent for CareerJournal.com