Jesus the Doorway to Healing and Forgiveness
Presented by Fr. William Jarema, Mercy Center, Colorado Springs, CO
Mercy Center, Inc.
520 West Buena Ventura Street
Colorado Springs, CO 80907
719.633.2302 ~ 719.633.1031 fax
www.mercycenter.com email:
ABOUT THE PRESENTER
Rev. William J. Jarema, B.A., M.S., M.Div., M.A.S.,
Founder and Program Director of the Mercy Center for Healing the Whole Person, Colorado Springs, Colorado, with numerous satellite programs throughout the United States and three foreign mission projects in the West Indies.
Founder and Spiritual Director of the Society of Missionaries of Mercy, a private association of the Christian faithful for clergy, laity, men and women, married and single. A lay institute for the training of men and women as spiritual directors, and inner healing specialists, lay missionaries dedicated to a spirituality of mercy and the healing ministry of Jesus Christ. As a community, they are dedicated to the vow of conversion of life and the spiritual and corporal works of mercy.
Fr. Bill has provided workshops, retreats and clergy conferences nationwide. As part of the Mercy Center team, he offers residential pastoral care treatment programs for clergy and religious called the Vitality program, a 13-week sabbatical program, and a Spiritual Directors Training/Renewal Program in Colorado Springs, Colorado.
He provides a specialized program for clergy and religious on "Conscious Celibacy: Truth or Consequence," an intensive review of the biological, psychological and social implications of celibacy and those who dare to be celibate in the 21st century.
Father Bill is a national consultant and educator for profit and nonprofit corporations and a National Certified Counselor, Spiritual Director, Workshop and Retreat Director.
Fr. Bill specializes in whole person healing, typology and team building, corporate development management and assessment, marriage, family and organizational addictions/dysfunction, and an eclectic approach to healing, wholeness and wellbeing. He also provides a parish assessment program called; “Creating a Parish Think Tank” that will empower every level of your parish and school to contribute to designing a 3-5 year pastoral plan
Author of:
Fathering the Next Generation: Men Mentoring Men, Crossroad Publications, 1994.
There's a Hole in My Chest: Healing and Hope for Adult Children Everywhere, Crossroad Publications, 1996.
Creating a Parish Think Tank: A program for helping parishes assess and explore resources, ministries, hidden potential and future growth and development, 1996. Distributed by Mercy Center, Inc.
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Alter: Comedy, Parables and Miracles & Angelic Encounters. Distributed by Mercy Center, Inc 2005 (All proceeds support 2nd and 3rd world missionaries who wish to attend the 13-week sabbatical program at the Mercy Center)
Newly Released: The Conscious Celibacy Workbook: Truth or Consequences
Soon To Be Released: Climbing Out of The Anger Pit and The Four Gardens: An Allegory for Those Along the Way and Walking the Tight Rope: A Survivors Manual for Church Ministers
What Our Parents or Significant Caregivers
Give to Us
How Does Father Pass on to His Children His Contributions of
Adult Life Skills?
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Jesus the Doorway to Healing and Forgiveness
Presented by Fr. William Jarema, Mercy Center, Colorado Springs, CO
· House Rules for Healthy Parenting
1. Look into their eyes
2. Look for the good and affirm them.
3. Take turns in all things.
4. Feedback—let them know you are with them.
5. Assume good will—avoid stinking-thinking.
6. Admit your feelings.
7. Establish non-negotiable values.
8. Touch, hug, kiss, hold, and develop rituals of affection.
9. Never yell, hit, curse, name-calling and avoid all acts of violence.
10. Bless them and imagine their best.
· Play
1. Practice random acts of kindness
2. Laugh.
3. Non-aggressive and non-competitive play
4. Make memories.
5. Smile.
6. Breathe deeply.
7. Savor with your senses.
8. Receive as much as you give.
9. Be a team player.
10. Win and loose—take turns.
· Physical Affection to Your Wife
1. Ask for feedback—do not assume.
2. Make it mutual pleasure/pleasant.
3. Non-genital touching—cuddle, hug, touch, nurture.
4. Give and receive affection.
5. Learn vulnerability.
6. Practice intimacy—In to me you see.
7. Time in—Time out.
8. Take turns with initiating.
9. Show care, concern, interest, public and private rituals of affection.
10. Be creative (remember every 7 years).
· Personal Disciplines
1. Be accountable to another.
2. Set goals and achieve them.
3. Manage your power.
4. Take control of your life.
5. Be interdependent.
6. Have alone time.
7. Fast and sacrifice for the sake of another.
8. Eat/Drink consciously.
9. Read-Study-Pray.
10. Struggle with a friend.
· Admit Your Mistakes
1. Tell your story.
2. Don’t nag your children.
3. Look for the lessons in all mistakes.
4. Ask for help seek out advisors and consulters.
5. Offer options not solutions.
6. Encourage choice-making.
7. Be repentant, forgive and seek forgiveness.
8. Never ask your children to do what you are not willing to do yourself.
9. Try something new everyday.
10. Encourage others to give you straight talk and tough love.
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Jesus the Doorway to Healing and Forgiveness
Presented by Fr. William Jarema, Mercy Center, Colorado Springs, CO
Loss Letters to my Father/Mother/Brother/Sister/Employer/Husband/Wife
Dear ______, this is what I learned from you…
Dear______, this is what I am grateful for because of you…
Dear ______, this is what I need to give back to you….
Dear______, this is what I lost because…..
Dear ______, this is what I want/need from you….
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Jesus the Doorway to Healing and Forgiveness
Presented by Fr. William Jarema, Mercy Center, Colorado Springs, CO
How Does Mother Pass on to Her Children Her Contributions of Adult Life Skills?
6
Jesus the Doorway to Healing and Forgiveness
Presented by Fr. William Jarema, Mercy Center, Colorado Springs, CO
· House Rules for Healthy Parenting
1. Look into their eyes.
2. Look for the good and affirm them.
3. Take turns in all things.
4. Feedback—let them know you are with them.
5. Assume good will—avoid stinking-thinking.
6. Admit your feelings.
7. Establish non-negotiable values.
8. Touch, hug, kiss, hold, and develop rituals of affection.
9. Never yell, hit, curse, name-calling and avoid all acts of violence.
10. Bless them and imagine their best.
· Personal Self Care-(2Tim 1:3-5, Col. :12-17)
1. Good healthy personal hygiene.
2. Investments in your clothing, make-up, manicure, pedicure.
3. Taking time for rest.
4. Eat and drink consciously.
5. Vacations for play and making memories.
6. I am worthy.
7. Love your body—show respect and comfort.
8. Grow in your self-esteem.
9. Develop a variety of interests and hobbies.
10. Read, study, pray, learn.
· Receive the Affection of Your Children-(1Corinth 12:27—You are the Body of Christ)
1. Be open.
2. Learn to be spontaneous.
3. Laughter helps.
4. Expand your capacity for receiving.
5. Take time to ponder and reminisce.
6. Increase your hospitality.
7. Be loved.
8. You are wonderfully, beautifully made.
9. Practice creativity—discover your own uniqueness.
10. Share and exchange rituals of affection.
· Allow Yourself to be Touched and then Touch-(Luke 7:36-55-Penitent woman kisses his feet, John 13:1-17-Jesus washes their feet)
1. Practice sensuality.
2. Embrace color.
3. Learn to be vulnerable
4. Become at home in your skin.
5. Practice Into-me-you-see.
6. Be held and have someone cradle you.
7. Float in some warm water.
8. Practice empathy and active listening.
9. Understand and accept your own feelings.
10. Ponder the fact that you are unconditionally loved by God.
· Maintain Your Personal Dignity and Integrity-(1Peter 3:1-7, Philippians 4:8)
1. Know your personal power: maintain healthy boundaries.
2. Share in the decisions.
3. Teach choice making.
4. Practice the three biblical rights: yes, no, maybe.
5. Live your truth. Practice imagination.
6. Listen to your hunches and inner knowing.
7. Parent as partners.
8. Put your marriage first: friendship, romance, sacrifice for the other and mutual.
9. Conquer your fears and meet the challenge.
10. It’s O.K. to struggle: win or loose you will become stronger because you endured.
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Jesus the Doorway to Healing and Forgiveness
Presented by Fr. William Jarema, Mercy Center, Colorado Springs, CO
TRAITS OF A HEALTHY FAMILY
The healthy family ...
1. communicates and listens.
2. affirms and supports one another.
3. teaches respect for others.
4. develops a sense of trust.
5. has a sense of play and humor.
6. exhibits a sense of shared responsibility.
7. teaches a sense of right and wrong.
8. has a strong sense of family in which rituals and traditions abound.
9. has a balance of interaction among members.
10. has a shared religious core.
11. respects the privacy of one another.
12. values service to others.
13. fosters family table time and conversations.
14. shares leisure time.
15. admits to and seeks help with problems.
As children the words we would most like to hear from our mothers as children are:
“I love you.” “Yes.”
“Time to eat.” “You can go.”
“You can stay up late.”
Other favorites:
“I’ll help you.”
“Your friend can spend the night.”
“I’m glad we have such a good daughter/son.”
“You can go out and play.”
“Sleep in.”
“How was your day?”
“It’s Saturday.”
“You are my favorite.”
“You were good tonight.”
“Help me make a cake.”
“I’m glad I have you.”
“You’re great.”
“I’m sorry.”
From: Traits of a Healthy Family
By: Dolores Curran
Family Cohesion:
What makes a family strong and cohesive?
- Member of the family communicate appreciation for one another. They build each other up psychologically.
- Arrange their personal schedules so that they could do things or simply be together.
- They are proactive and offer positive communication patterns: listen, attend, empathize, respect, interest – good conflict resolution skills, affective exchanges, touching.
- They have a high degree of commitment to promoting one another’s happiness and welfare and to the family group as a whole. They invest time, money, energy, activities and interest.
- They maintain a spiritual orientation: they have a sense of a power greater than themselves and a purpose that goes beyond themselves.
- They deal positively with crises: they are proactive, working and cooperating and sharing resources in dealing with crises. In conflict they can compromise and they show commitment even during times of turmoil.
Taken from Nick Stinnett, 1978, social scientist
How a family handles its conflicts and resolves fights affects everyone in the household.
All happy families resemble one another; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own rite.
(Anna Karenia, by Leo Tolstoi)
Tips for Anger Management & Resolution
1. Help me to understand what you are upset about?
2. What are you perceptions about this situation?
3. Explain to me your ideas about this situation?
4. I want to learn from you how we can better manage this situation.
5. You share what has struck you about this situation and then I will share with you what has struck me.
6. Can you give me feedback about what you know and then I’ll give you feedback about what I know?
7. Share with me what you think... What you feel… What you want… What can you do to achieve what you want… What can I do to help you achieve what you want?
8. Let’s talk – You speak and I will listen. Then I will speak and you will listen.
9. I can see that you are upset – talk to me.
PRAYER FOR DEPARTED SOULS
(Prayer of the Faithful)
Blessed are you, Lord God of all creation. I freely choose to praise and thank you for all you did through your Son, Jesus Christ, who came to teach me how to live life to the full.
I pray for (departed person) and ask that you take him/her into your kingdom of eternal happiness and peace. In the name of Jesus Christ, the Prince of Love, I commission (departed person) ______to go home to meet you, Father, and the fullness of your glory.
I seek your forgiveness, Lord, for not doing this earlier. I ask that______(departed person) may know my personal love and reconciliation. Here I wish to show forth to (departed person) and his/her angels all you achieved: that in the bread I will hold is your life and teaching, your body and blood, your brokenness and healing through your stripes. That in your shed blood is the free gift of freedom from the guilt and the stain of sin. That through the torn veil we have direct access to you. That in rising, you defeated Satan and his companions. That you became available to all the departed.
Now may the angels of mercy with (departed person) see you ascend and open heaven’s gates. And now
may (departed person) be gathered together and go on towards heaven and be reunited there with all your saints and angels.
Now, Lord, because (departed person) has departed and no longer looks to me, or pressures me, may I be healed and become the person you intended me to become, to live your praise and glory. Amen.
PRAYER FOR RECONCILIATION
Blessed are you, Lord God of all creation. I freely choose to praise and thank you for all you did through your Son, Jesus Christ, who came to teach me how to live life to the full.