Friends and Fights!

When I was in grade 8, there was this girl who was at our school, Contessa. She was normal enough, typical grade 8 girl, had her friends, normal looking, nice and outgoing to talk to. She went out with a guy who wasn’t from our school and then told her friends a bit about their relationship and because she was fairly confident, she’d yell out ‘I LOVE RYAN LEWIS’ or whatever the guy’s name was! And so word got around about this girl going out with some random guy… anyway talk turned into rumour and within the first lap of things going around the school, Contessa was asked by someone if she was really pregnant!?! She didn’t think, and was being sarcastic, but it wasn’t heard that way and she just said ‘of course I am, haven’t you heard?’

Now things went from bad to worse really quick, because the next day she brought in a little container filled with oil of all things, it was sealed and no one was going to test it, because she told everyone that this was her urine sample that the doctors had taken to test that she was pregnant and of course she said she was with a big smile on her face… without thinking about it, word spread through the whole school and you can imagine the kind of names people were calling her! She went from fun, bubbly, happy Contessa, to tears and sobbing and she couldn’t believe what people were saying about her! She did it all as a joke, thinking it was just a hand full of people, her friends, who were talking about this and she could put a stop to it at the end of the day. Instead, she started a war with those she thought were friends, it wasn’t funny and Contessa soon left the school to go somewhere else for a fresh start.

I often wonder if I could have been a better friend for Contessa. We weren’t close or anything, but even in grade 8, it’s hard for me to think that I was involved in something that no doubt still brings tears to her eyes for her to think back on… And I know this, cause a similar thing happened to me in grade 7.

Ok, I wasn’t pregnant, actually I don’t remember what it was, but my best mate and I ended up having a fight, thankfully it was just with words, because he was a black belt in Taekwondo, so I wasn’t going for a punch up! But for whatever reason, we had a disagreement, he was really popular, I suddenly was not and I remember the last month of primary school couldn’t end quickly enough!

Why are we talking about this tonight? Because I know how important this is, I know how easy it is to fall out of friendship and I know that in the world you’re growing up in, more people will see your fights, cause it’s not just on YouTube, it’s on Facebook News Feeds where a lot of fights take place and that’s very public and even changing schools can’t stop problems. I know this is big, not only as someone who works with young people, but also as someone who is a Christian and now understands a lot more about how knowing God can help us through difficult times. Not that everything will be easy, but that we will never be alone, because God is with us.

Tonight in small groups we’re going to be talking about this and I want to leave you with a poem that my grandfather always really loved. It’s called Footprints.

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only. This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord, “You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?” The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

Friends and Fights! – Small Group

  • Have you ever been through a tough time with friends? Without sharing names or too many details (don’t want to gossip!), how did that make you feel at that time?
  • Have you ever had a fight go onto Facebook or spread around the school?
  • Do you still struggle with these situations or do you feel like it’s all good?
  • Do you find it hard to talk to people about these kind of things going on in your life?

All of us go through times of sadness, where things are particularly hard. Yet if you stay in that state for more than a few weeks, then the longer lasting problem is called depression.

  • Do you know anyone who has Depression? (don’t go into counselling or gossip on this one, it’s a common illness, so chances are that some will even have parents who have or are going through this)
  • What kind of things do you think might make someone depressed as an ongoing illness? (family history, conflict, abuse, bullying, low self esteem, drugs. Depression isn’t something that can just be fixed, don’t spend too long on this, but important to know that there is help and that we can help too)

This week they had a campaign called R U OK Day that happened yesterday, where you were meant to ask your friends if they were really ok or if they were struggling with something.

  • Have you ever seen a friend struggling and asked if they were ok? How did that go?
  • Who do you usually tend to blame when things all seem to go wrong? Yourself? The other person? God?? (Dave’s sermon last Sun was good to look at this and the issue of evil in the world. I especially liked explained our response… why didn’t God stop 9/11? Well if he stopped that, where would that stop, 50 people being killed? 1 person being killed? 1 person saying something not very nice? If God is to allow free will, he has to allow it all! He can intervene, but how can we know when he is and how many similar 9/11 attacks he’s stopped?)

One of the hardest things is that God doesn’t just remove the hurts in our lives. Pain and suffering are normal parts of life in a world that isn’t perfect. Not that God isn’t perfect, but that we’re not and we stuff things up for the whole world! Yet God has given us many promises along with this:

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 God is the Father who is full of mercy and all comfort. He comforts us every time we have trouble, so when others have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us.

  • Have you ever had an opportunity to help someone go through something that you’ve already dealt with? Did you think of that as a God thing?? (usually not, yet if we’ve made it through things, that’s because God’s love is present… even if you don’t love him back!)

You spend the night at your best friend’s house and end up chatting most of the night. About 2pm, you’re both lying in bed talking and decide to play a game of truth. Your friend asks you if you’ve ever felt really down and considered committing suicide. You think about it and say ‘no, not really… have you?’ They are quiet for a moment, then admit that they think about it a whole lot and can’t see a reason for them to keep on living.

  • How do you think you could help someone out who was thinking of taking their own life and committing suicide? (Encourage them to speak to a counsellor or even to start with talking to a youth leader, be a positive influence and make sure they know that you’re their friend, offer them your support – even if it’s going to the movies with them, ask them to put off the decision for a few weeks, situations might change and usually get better, get them help, find out more yourself so you can help them. Remember that anything they do is their decision, even if you give them the best help and support.)

Matt 11:28-29 [Jesus said] Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Accept my teachings and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit, and you will find rest for your lives.

  • How could Jesus ever give us rest when we’re in the middle of difficult stuff happening in our lives? (His peace can lift our burdens, the Holy Spirit can help us see a way through, when our perspective is on eternity the things of this world seem less important, we can see his will for our lives as more important than our current trials!)
  • Do these words from Jesus ‘gentle and humble’ match what you know about God?
  • What do you think it means to come to Jesus or to accept his teachings?(This is where the ‘come to Jesus and he’ll fix all your problems’ has it’s balance. We’re not just doing a dump and run, but coming before our boss, our king, our Lord and realising that if he’s in charge, then anything done against us, is against Him! But he’s got to be our boss, king and Lord first! We must accept that he taught that there is only one way to get to heaven and he’s it! Along with this we get a great package of eternal life and spiritual gifts and a bunch more… but it comes at a price… a good price!)

The bible never makes out that with Jesus, life will be easier… just look at what happened to Jesus (died on cross) and then his disciples (10 were martyred – killed for their faith, one was imprisoned on an island for life – John, and the other killed himself after betraying Jesus!). What does happen though, is that with the maker of the universe in the rightful place in our lives, the world seems to make a lot more sense. Life is way more worth living, because we have a hope and a purpose and we have a part of God, the Holy Spirit, living within us and guiding us… which is pretty amazing when you stop and think about it!

Finish praying for the things they’re going through and that they might look more into Jesus!