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Dealing with peer pressure

Peer pressure usually occurs when a person is manipulated by others, especially friends, to do things he/she wouldn’t necessarily want to do. Peer pressure is sometimes so subtle, we are not even aware of it!

Peer pressure can be positive and negative. Friends can have a bad influence on a child, but good friends can also influence a child positively.

Negative peer pressure

Negative peer pressure can be described as any (usually unacceptable) behaviour forced onto someone. The child copying the negative behaviour usually does this with the hope of being accepted into the peer group. Even young children give in to peer pressure. You might have heard your child say: “But everyone at school has this toy, I also have to have it.” This also applies to brand-named clothes and shoes. Negative peer pressure can also be linked to programmes children watch on TV or games they play, although it is not suitable for them.

Peer pressure doesn’t occur once your child enters high school, it starts much sooner than that. Usually parents only start making children aware of peer pressure when the first incidences of peer pressure arise, such as when a group of children is caught using alcohol or cigarettes.
Start preparing your child on an early age to deal with peer pressure. Here are a few tips on how to help your child not to give in to peer pressure.

· Be a good example for your children by not giving in to peer pressure yourself!

· Have a healthy relationship with your children so that they will be able to talk to you should they find themselves in a bad situation with friends.

· Children need boundaries. Explain to them why you set certain rules and why you will not buy all the toys they want, let them watch certain programmes on TV or allow them to play certain games on the computer or tablet.

· Teach your child values.

· Emphasise your child’s positive attributes. By doing this you will build your child’s self-esteem and self-proud.

· Teach your child that what friends say and do is not necessarily most important. They need to be able to determine what is important and what is not.

· Teach your child to avoid friends who don’t accept them for who they are, friends who don’t accept it when they say ‘no’ or friends who don’t have a positive influence in your child’s life.

· Teach your child - if something doesn’t feel right, it is likely to be no good. Rather say ‘no’ and turn away from it.

· Help your child to have a balanced life, socially and academically.

Positive peer pressure

The same as children can have a negative effect on other children; they can also have a positive effect on behaviour and support one another. Children are easily influenced by others, thus it is important to have the right friends who share the same values as you. Here are a few examples how peer pressure can be positive:

· Children see when another child’s behaviour and manners are rewarded. Most (especially young) children will copy that behaviour to be rewarded as well.

· A child is more likely to pay attention to his/her schoolwork when the friends do the same.

· When friends take part in sport and activities, the child will be motivated to take part in a sport or activity to belong to the team and to experience the team-spirit.

· Children learn to share when friends also share with them.

If you want your child to be exposed to positive rather than negative peer pressure, make sure you know your child’s friends. Good friendships are priceless.

Wietske Boon – Play Therapist;

www.childtherapist.co.za,

Groepsdruk
Groepsdruk is die manipulasie deur ander mense, veral jou maats, om jou iets te laat doen wat jy self nie noodwendig wil doen nie. Soms is die groepsdruk baie subtiel sodat jy nie eers werklik daarvan bewus is nie!

Groepsdruk kan sowel negatief as positief wees. Goeie maats is dié wat ‘n positiewe invloed op jou gedrag het

Negatiewe groepsdruk

Negatiewe groepsdruk is enige gedrag wat deur maats afgedwing word en veroorsaak dat iemand sy maats se negatiewe gedrag of waardes naboots. Laasgenoemde sien ons al van kleins af by kinders. Heelwat ouers moes al aanhoor dat ‘almal’ ‘n sekere speelding besit en daarom wil en móét die kind dit ook kry. Dit geld ook vir klere met ‘n spesifieke etiket daarop, veral by tieners. Negatiewe groepsdruk is ook die programme waarna jou kind op televisie wil kyk, aangesien ‘almal’ daarna kyk, alhoewel jy weet dat dit nie ‘n goeie invloed op jou kind kan hê nie.

Groepsdruk is dus nie iets wat net sy verskyning maak wanneer jou kind in die hoërskool kom nie. Ouers begin meestal eers hul kinders waarsku teen groepsdruk wanneer maats en die portuurgroep se gedrag kommerwekkend word, byvoorbeeld wanneer die portuurgroep met alkohol of sigarette begin eksperimenteer of kru taal gebruik.

Begin reeds op ‘n vroeë ouderdom om jou kind voor te berei om teen groepsdruk op te staan. Hier is ‘n paar wenke om jou te help om jou kind te leer om nie daaraan toe te gee nie.

· Wees ‘n voorbeeld vir jou kind deur self nie aan groepsdruk toe te gee nie. Onthou jy is jou kind se rolmodel.

· Maak seker jy het ‘n goeie verhouding met jou kind sodat hy die vrymoedigheid het om met jou te kom praat wanneer hy in ‘n negatiewe situasie beland.

· Dit is belangrik dat ouers op ‘n vroeë stadium reeds grense vir hulle kinders stel. Verduidelik vir jou kind waarom hy nie sy sin gaan kry nie, waarom jy hom nie gaan toelaat om ‘n televisieprogram te kyk nie, óf nie die spesifieke klere kan gaan koop nie.

· Leer jou kind wat goeie waardes is. Goeie waardes en ‘n goeie lewensstandaard beteken nie om soos ander mense te wees nie, maar om volgens die wil van die Here te lewe, om Hom te gehoorsaam en jou lewe daarvolgens te rig.

· Beklemtoon jou kind se positiewe eienskappe. Sodoende bou jy aan jou kind se selfbeeld en selftrots.

· Leer jou kind dat wat hulle maats sê en doen, nie noodwendig die beste of belangrikste is nie.

· Vermy maats wat nie jou kind aanvaar vir wie hy is nie, wat nie ‘nee’ as antwoord aanvaar nie en nie ‘n positiewe invloed op jou kind het nie.

· As iets nie reg voel nie, is dit nie reg nie. Leer jou kind om in so situasie ‘nee’ te sê en weg te stap.

Positiewe groepsdruk

Net soos wat kinders mekaar negatief kan beïnvloed, kan hulle mekaar ook positief ondersteun. Aangesien kinders maklik beïnvloedbaar is, is dit belangrik dat ‘n kind maats het wat ‘n positiewe invloed uitoefen. Hier is ‘n paar voorbeelde waar groepsdruk positief kan wees.

· Kinders sien wanneer maats se goeie gedrag en maniere beloon word en sal dan hierdie gedrag naboots om ook beloon te word.

· ‘n Kind sal meer aandag aan sy skoolwerk gee wanneer sy maats dieselfde doen.

· Wanneer maats aan sport en buitemuurse aktiwiteite deelneem, sal ‘n kind self ook deel van die span wil wees vir die geselligheid en spangees wat daaraan verbonde is.

· Kinders leer om mededeelsaam te wees wanneer maats mededeelsaam is.

As jy jou kind aan positiewe eerder as aan negatiewe groepsdruk wil blootstel, maak dan seker dat jou kind die regte maats het. Goeie vriendskappe is baie waardevol vir jou kind.

Wietske Boon – Spelterapeut;