Bullying: Beating the Culture of E-Cruelty
by Chelsea Krost
Bullying and cyber-bullying have been in the news a lot lately and with good reason. When I hear about gay teenagers committing suicide because they are “outed” online or other teens mercilessly attacked for daring to be different, it breaks my heart.
I was bullied when I was younger by other kids who made fun of how I looked, so I know what it is like. I know what it is like for people to put you down, trying to lower your self-esteem because they are trying to make themselves feel better.
When I hear about gay people getting bullied, it makes me really sad. My cousin is gay, my aunt is gay and my family is openly loving to them and embraces them. I am happy to be part of the gay/straight alliance because as a straight person I want to speak out for my gay friends.
Bullying has been around for who knows how long, but society has only recently started to address it as a serious problem. We're paying more attention to bullying because of the high profile cases that come across our mass media culture, but also because it is something that almost everyone has dealt with at some point in their lives.
Today's technology also has a lot to do with it. Cyber bullying has become such a rampant problem today with Facebook and other social networking sites. Technology can make it easier for people who feel insecure to pick on others. People will say things online that in most cases they would not say to your face. Maybe they criticize a photo you post or post mean comments on your wall. The Internet makes it easier for people to act like bullies.
In speaking out on this issue, I always tell teens it is not cool to be mean. In fact, I believe the whole cyber-bullying problem is the most pathetic form of bullying. I call them cyber-cowards, because they try to hurt others while hiding behind a computer screen.
I recently interviewed Dr. Philip B. Dembo on this problem. Known as "America's Parent Coach," Dr. Dembo is Director of Life Strategies, a coaching and consulting firm specializing in relationship dynamics, and author of the book The Real Purpose of Parenting. He says bullying is rampant because people have become more desensitized to the feelings of others.
“We shouldn't wait for the tragedies in order for us to understand how to be kinder as a culture,” he says.
We were talking about a rash of teen suicides, including that of Tyler Clementi. Tyler was an 18-year-old Rutgers University freshman who killed himself in September 2010 after discovering that his roommate had secretly used a webcam to stream pictures over the Internet of him kissing another man. According to the New York Times, his suicide “focused national attention on the victimization of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth. Public figures including Ellen DeGeneres and President Obama spoke out about the tragedy, and New Jersey legislators enacted the nation’s toughest law against bullying and harassment in January 2011.”
There is a national awakening going on about the problem of bullying and cyber-bullying. There are many programs and laws being put into effect to combat the problem, including ones that teach elementary school kids how to speak out against bullying. But programs alone won't solve the problem, Dr. Dembo says.
“The problem is, it is one thing to teach the skill of kindness and compassion but it is another to learn the attitude,” he says. “The parents need to be responsible along with these programs...we have to live it, and we have to live it in our homes.”
When I look back on when I was bullied and all the mean girls, I see every face in my head and I think about their parents, especially their moms. They were all big bullies, and the moms were often as bad as their daughters, maybe worse. The mean girls learned to be bullies from their own moms.
The lesson for parents, kids, and everyone, is simple: we need to practice compassion, in our homes, families, and communities, online and offline. Treating other people as we would want to be treated is the best way to break the cycle of bullying.
About Chelsea Krost:
Chelsea is a writer, producer, and TV and radio host who inspires philanthropy among her peers. She started her Teen Talk Live radio program when she was 16, becoming America's youngest a.m. radio host. Her program, now called The Chelsea Krost Show,is a forum for millennials to "come together, learn, and get motivated to be a success, do great things for their future, and give back to those who are less fortunate." Chelsea recently released her tell-all book,NINETEEN – A Reflection Of My Teenage Experience In An Extraordinary Life: What I Have Learned and What I Have To Share. She hasappeared on Anderson, the Today Show and many other top media. For more information, visit