Amoris Laetitia
Some Pastoral Perspectives
I believe this sixth chapter of the Pope’s exhortation, is an acknowledgement that the wellbeing of families equates to the wellbeing of the Church and that families are the fundamental building blocks of a missionary community. We are taken on a journey through marriage preparation, through the wedding and the early years of marriage, the raising of children,through difficult times which sometimes lead to breakup and divorce.The chapter ends with some observations on bereavement. It is packed with warnings, much advice and encouragement and wrapped in Pope Francis’sstated aim,’ the Church wishes to reach out to families with humility and compassion, to help each family discover the best way to overcome any obstacle it encounters, not by proclaiming a merely theoretical message but by proposing a set of values, which encourage authentic family life’
It is up to each local Church to discern how best to provide a suitable formation for marriage preparation
without distancing young people from the sacrament. Marriage preparation begins with the experience of being part of a family. ’Nothing is more volatile, precarious and unpredictable than desire.’ Mutual attraction will not suffice, there have to be deeper reasons that will ensure a genuine and stable partnership. As well as the rich spiritual resources of the Church, couples should be provided with the names of places, people and services to which they can turn when problems arise.
Over committing financial resources to the wedding rather than to future needs and opting for a more modest celebration should be encouraged. Couples may need help to make the liturgical celebration a profound personal experience and appreciate the meaning of the language and signs of the sacrament.
Pastoral care of the newly married couple must involve encouraging them to be generous in bestowing life. The teaching of Humanae Vitae and the Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio and the clear teaching of Vatican 2 should be emphasised.
Experienced couples within the parish can help younger couplesgo beyond the celebration with practical advice and encouragement to grow spiritually and participate in the life of the parish. .
Pope Francis reminds all pastors they have to encourage families grow in faith by family prayer during the week, frequent confession, spiritual direction and occasional retreats.
Many couples, once married, drop out of the Christian community. However almost all reappear on occasions such as the Baptism and first Holy Communion of their children and we should take greater advantage of these opportunities to have a personnel conversation about the family’s situation. Pastoral care for families has to be fundamentally missionary, going out to where people are. We can no longer keep churning out courses that are for the most part poorly attended.
Focus then concentrates on crises, worries and difficulties.. The causes are many, raising young children, the problems of adolescence, the need to redefine the relationship when offspring leave home. The need to care for ageing parents at the same time as coping with financial worries, problems in the workplace, emotional, social and spiritual challenges, all can place great strain on a marriage.
Frailties of character such as immaturity, selfish love, the need to blame others,unresolved issues from childhood, can all bring pressure to bear on a relationship and sadly it is becoming more common to end the marriage when one or other of the partners no longer feels fulfilled. If the couple are unable to accept help, to forgive and be forgiven, then in some cases respect for one’s own dignity and the good of the children requires not giving in to excessive demands, or preventing a grave injustice, violence or chronic ill treatment, separation becomes inevitable and sometimes may become morally necessary. Even so, separation must be considered a last resort after all other reasonable attempts at reconciliation have failed.
Special discernment is indispensable for the pastoral care of those who are separated, divorced or abandoned. Divorced people who have not remarried, must be encouraged to find in the Eucharist the nourishment they need. Divorced people who have entered a new union should be made to feel part of the Church. “They are not excommunicated,” and remain part of the ecclesial community.. The consequences of a broken marriage on children’s mental health can be incalculable, therefore Christian communities must not abandon divorced parents who have entered a new union but include and support them in their efforts to bring up their children.
There is a need to make the procedure in cases of nullity more accessible, less time consuming and if possible free of charge.
The Church reaffirms that every person, regardless of sexual orientation, is to be respected and treated with consideration and not suffer unjust discrimination or any form of aggression and violence. However there are no grounds for homosexual unions to be similar or remotely analogous to God’s plan for marriage and family.
Whatever the cause, single parents must receive encouragement from other families in the Christian community and parish.
The chapter ends with comforting words on the grieving process particularly after the loss of a spouse.
Before we look at the Pope’s vision regarding assistance for couples and families, here are some quotes I thought worth repeating, ’the fact is that only in their forties do some people achieve maturity’ it missed me then and it’s too late now. My favourite, “Love is always a gift of God wherever it is poured out.” For those who have been married for many years, would you prefer your relationship to be described as, “outwardly no longer afire with powerful emotions and impulses, but now taste the wine of love, well aged and stored deep within our hearts”or asJill and I saw on a sign in a gift shop in Swanage recently, it read, “We have been through a lot together, and it’s your fault”
At the beginning of this chapter Pope Francis emphasised that Christian families, by the grace of matrimony, are the principle agents of the family apostolate, above all, through witnessing as domestic churches and therefore the main contribution to the pastoral care of families is offered by the parish, ‘the family of families’.The Pope proposes the following action will help achieve his aim.
There is a need for a more adequate formation of priests, deacons, men and women religious, catechists and other pastoral workers. Changes need to start in the seminary. It would help seminarians to spend time in parishes where the presence of families and especially women in priestly formation will give them an appreciation of the diversity of vocations in the Church. Secondly, lay leaders will need to be trained to assist in the pastoralcare of families with the help of teachers and counsellors, family and community physicians, social workers and others. This in no way diminishes the value of spiritual direction and sacramental Reconciliation. The role of families and experienced couples in supporting other couples through marriage preparation, the early years of marriage and through difficult times and even after breakdown and divorce, is threaded through the whole text.Specialized counselling centres for reconciliation and mediation should be established in the dioceses and a ministry for those whose relationship has broken down is urgently required. Sufficient staff should be trained and prepared to help speed up the procedure in cases of nullity. A reminder,‘Exhortation’ according to the Oxford Dictionary means ‘urging or advising strongly or earnestly.’ There is much to be done.
Roger Turner 30th.October 2016