THE TOOTH HURTS
CHARACTERS:
Leon (or Leona if you’re a girl)- Tooth Fairy in training.
Mavis- The real Tooth Fairy, about to retire.
SET:
Bedroom set up. Dummy of a little girl is tucked into the bed.
DIRECTIONS:
Start the scene with Leon practicing sneaking into get the tooth from the dummy. Leon’s watch gets stuck. Mavis comes onto the stage to ask what’s wrong.
Scene Starts
Mavis: What’s the problem, Leon?
Leon: No problem. Well, I’m stuck in her hair.
Mavis: What is stuck in her hair?
Leon: My watch.
Mavis: (annoyed) Hmm. Is jewelry allowed, Leon?
Leon: No. I can explain. I just wanted to time myself.
Mavis: You don’t need to time yourself. If you’ve got your act together and aren’t wearing jewelry, you won’t get caught and you’ll be in and out in 30 seconds!
Leon: I got the tooth!
Mavis: You got the girl’s head stuck in your watch.
Leon: I’ll do better next time.
Mavis: Leon, in two days I’m going to retire. That means, in two days the world will need a New Tooth Fairy. You just aren’t the replacement we need.
Leon: It’s because I’m not magical, isn’t it.
Mavis: Leon…
Leon: The Bureau said you can’t fire me for that.
Mavis: It’s because you suck at the job. You’ve been doing this for 6 months and you still get stuck in windows, trip on toys, and lock yourself in closets! Last week you gave $5.50 to a kid that put legos under his pillow. Leon, these are not outstanding qualities in a tooth fairy.
Leon: I know I need to work on things, but I really want to be the Tooth Fairy!
Mavis: Really?
Leon: Well, I don’t love the name. “Tooth Fairy” isn’t exactly cool. I’d change it to Tooth Master! How does that sounds.
Mavis: Terrible! Why are you applying for this job?
Leon: I’ve been trying to become a Mythological Icon for years! I was almost a fill-in-Santa last year.
Mavis: What happened?
Leon: I broke the sleigh.
Mavis: Anything else?
Leon: I’d rather not discuss it. I just want to focus on being the best tooth fairy that ever pulled a tooth.
Mavis: (horrified) We don’t pull teeth.
Leon: Whatever.
Mavis: Leon, I’m going to be brutally honest.
Leon: Uh-oh.
Mavis: What?
Leon: That’s how Santa started.
Mavis: Some people just aren’t meant to be mythological icons. Do you know how many rabbits they went through before they found the Easter Bunny?
Leon: I know where this is going, and I’m warning you that I have a contract from the Bureau that says I have to be a mythological icon within six months! The terms are unbreakable! I could sue you for all the teeth in China! Goodbye!
Leon storms off. Mavis gets out her cell phone and dials.
Mavis: Bogeyman please. (Pause) Boogs! It’s Mavis. How you been? Great, well listen, you’re retiring next month, right? Have I got the replacement for you!
End Scene