To: Lars Nolan, Benjamin Dean, Hank Crowley

Original Memo

August 28, 1996

To: Lars Nolan, Benjamin Dean, Hank Crowley

From: Mike Andrews

Subject: American Work Ethic

On Ellis Island stands the Statue of Liberty. This proud symbol of our national heritage has presided over the entrance to this energetic land of generations of immigrants who have forged the bounty around us from the rich supply of dreams for a brighter tomorrow. The product of this dream has been a surging and relentless pulse as of one great entity of which we, as men, are but parts. It carries us forward on a tide of achievement with pride, accomplishment with resolve, and pizza with Cola-Cola. This dream though carries a responsibility which begins with starting our appointed jobs at the appointed times.

In the future, please be sure to adjust the start time on your time cards to reflect occassions when 3:30 p.m. finds your motovational reserves at a low ebb. It is my hope that your motivational reserves will never be at a low ebb at 3:30 p.m. and further that my hopes will never be turned to dispair. Remember: "When duty whispers low, "thou must," the youth replies, "I can." If you can't begin at 3:30 regularly, see me for attitude adjustment.

Revised Memo

ANY GIVEN COMPANY, INC.

MEMORANDUM

TO:All Employees

FROM:Mike Andrews, Human Resources Manager MRA

DATE:August 28, 2007

SUBJECT:Starting Scheduled Shifts on Time

It is important for all employees to clock in promptly at the start of their scheduled shifts. A random review of time cards from the pay periods ending July 31 and August 15 revealed that more than 20% of shifts did not begin at the scheduled time.

AGC’s policy requires employees to clock in no earlier than ten minutes prior to a scheduled shift starting and no later than the starting time of the shift. This policy ensures that the plant continues production on schedule and allows employees to complete their scheduled shifts on time.

Details about the attendance policy are available in P&P HR-A-33 which is available for review in the Human Resources department and in each department’s Policy and Procedure Manual. In addition, feel free to contact me at extension 555 if you have any questions about this policy.

Analysis and Rationale for Revised Memo

Form and Design

• The memo is not in standard format so I added a company name andchanged the format to a standard memo format.

• The Date heading appears in the third line of Alred’s The Business Writer’s Handbook so I used the same structure.

• Since this is being sent as a printed memo, I added the writer’s initials to authenticate the document.

• I changed the Subject line to announce the true topic of the memo. The original Subject line was vague and inaccurate.

Opening and Closing

• Following the Direct Order format, I added an opening that makes the subject clear – puts the big idea first – then provides more information, providing context for the subject of the memo.

• I added a closing that provides employees with resources for getting more detailed information on the policy.

Audience

The original memorandum does not state the relationship between the readers and the writer. The audience for this memo appears to be three employees who are not clocking in at 3:30 PM, an apparent expectation of their jobs. This format identifies specific employees, therefore potentially making their performance issues public. I redirected the audience from these three employees to the company as a whole. Good managers address policy violators directly by explaining the expected behaviors, rather than pulling in the entire workforce. Blast communication about tardiness is inappropriate and may backfire.

Tone

The stated purpose of the memo is written in a way that appears to use the “American Work Ethic” as a basis for reminding these employees to clock in on time. The tone is unclear but most likely would be offensive and irritating to readers; it could be interpreted as hostile, sarcastic, or condescending. I decided to rewrite the entire memo, focusing on the specific attendance issue and using a formal writing style since the audience is employees at all levels of the company. The tone is now direct and factual.

Content

Headings are not appropriate for this memo because of its brevity. Instead, I wrote three short paragraphs designed to:

1. Provide clear expectations about the subject.
2. Provide background to increase understanding about the subject.
3. Provide resource information about the subject.

Z Emanuel – Memo Makeover Assignment