BREAKING BAD: ANGER
Ephesians 4:25-32
Breaking Bad Message Series
February 28, 2016
Pastor Nathan J. Thompson
These weeks we are looking at what are known as the “7 Deadly Sins” under the theme, “Breaking Bad: 7 Habits of Highly Ineffective People.” These past weeks we have looked at Pride; Lust; Gluttony; and today our focus is Anger. A reminder that you can find these sermons on our website—both print and video. (Congregation exercise)
How how many of you would admit today: I have become angry; have had an argument at least one time in the last month? Some of you may have to admit that you did this more than once simply on your way to church today; anyone willing to admit that? Please know that Kim and I over the years found a way to solve this problem; we would drive to church in separate cars.
Something very important to note from the outset is that there is nothing inherently wrong with anger; it is a normal part of our human psyche. I mean even Jesus got angry. He turned over the tables of the money changers in the temple; he had no time for injustice being shown to anyone.
If you have a passion for life; if you care deeply about people and issues you will have times when you get angry. The key of course is what you do with your anger. Inappropriate expressions of anger are often a root cause of the major increase in violence we see today.
Two-hundred years ago Thomas Jefferson wrote, “When angry, count to ten before you speak. Ifvery angry, a hundred.” It is obvious that this issue with anger has been going on from the beginning of time. Yet to watch most movies (video games; even news) today it has moved beyond this and become, “When angry simply blow them away, right away!”
Now if you are leaning back and thinking “Well I've got this covered; other people get angry butnot me;” please remember that anger can be experienced in our relationships in multiple ways. You don’t need to be a loud or emotional person to be struggling with anger. In fact a passive aggressive anger can often be even more destructive.
A study in American Demographics states that in terms of arguments: 23% of people say they openly express their anger; 39% do something to hide or contain their anger (they bottle it up); and 23% walk away from the situation. All of these can be bad ways to deal with anger.
Pastor Tom Holliday says that in an angry situation some of us are like skunks and some of us are like turtles. The difference of course is fairly obvious. The skunk is the one who spews when an argument occurs.
You want everyone to know how intense you feel about something and everyone in the room can smell it; the foul odor affects everyone. On the other hand a turtle simply sticks their head back in their shell; they turn in on themselves. Neither of these ways is really God’s way.
1 Corinthians 13:5 says that love “is not easily angered.” James 1:19 says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” The Bible doesn’t say don’t get angry; rather it says don’t become easily angered.
I mentioned earlier that Jesus was one who got angry. The Bible tells us in Mark 10:14, “When Jesus saw this he was indignant (angry). He said to them, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them…’” Jesus was extremely angry that the children weren’t being allowed to see him. It doesn’t say don’t get angry; it says to be slow to get angry.
Now what are some things you can do to not become so easily angered; to help prevent this sin that can be deadly to relationships and to your spiritual life? The first action step is to work at breaking the pattern of anger. It is so easy to get caught up in a pattern where anger breeds more anger; breeds more anger; breeds more anger. It keeps getting more intense and worse.
Proverbs 29:11 says, “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.” It is foolish to let your anger run wild. Why...doesn’t it help to just get it all out? Not necessarily. To give full vent to your anger can easily create more anger.; it often gets worse.
Proverbs 25:28 says, “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” This means we’re defenseless. In other words when you’re angry all the defenses come down; you’ll say anything to win an argument. Even if it is very hurtful you’ll say it. Sometimes you may even do crazy things. When the walls come down you’re defenseless.
This does not mean however I’m supposed to pretend I’m not angry; no it doesn’t mean you stuff it. This morning's reading from Ephesians 4:26 gives some practical steps to help break the pattern of anger: “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not let the devil have a foothold.”
To “not sin” means that you let the temperature of your feelings cool some before you say the wrong things. “Do not let the sun go down” reminds you to not let it go past one day; waiting and not saying anything easily leads to internalized and extended bitterness.
It is true that some of you may have lived in this pattern for a long time; if you have you probably need a trusted Christian friend; a counselor. Sit down and talk this through. Anger and bitterness can easily eat away at us and hurt our inner spirit. Break the pattern of anger in you.
The second action step in not becoming easily angered is to guard your relationships. A major truth is that you will most likely become an angry person if you hang out with angry people. Proverbs 22:24-25 says, “Do not make friends with the hot-tempered, do not associate with those who are easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.”
In the heat of an argument you may easily feel like you’ve been wronged. The result is that then your mind makes those wrongs seem even greater than you can imagine. Do you know people in your life who can help you calm down and see the big picture? Do you also know certain people who will simply cause you to become angrier?
If you get around the wrong kind of person they’ll build up your anger even more; they’ll tell you that you deserve to be even more angry than you already are; they’ll tell you that you need to go tell the other person exactly what you think. The Bible warns us to watch out for these kinds of people; they may actually hurt us more than help us.
The third action step you can do to not become so easily angered is to release your worries to God. You need to understand that many times your worries and anxieties will fuel you being angry. Fretting and worrying over certain things can easily lead to wrath; to anger; to angry words. It is one of the reasons why multiple economic, money, job and family concerns are hurting so many relationships.
It is true that if you're anxious/worried about something you're often more short and flippant with people/family. It is also true that the ones you love the most may in turn be angry and snippy with you because they have a lot on their minds. We should always ask, “What are theyworried or anxious about?” A major truth is that we often hurt the most those we love the most.
Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
You need to pray and tell God about those things you are worried and anxious about; then you can experience his peace. It is turning your cares over to the Holy Spirit; this is an important way to help prevent your anxiety from turning to anger.
The fourth action step you can do to not get so easily angered is to get some rest. Often when we are really angry; what we really need is a nap; a good night of sleep. One reason why so many individuals are angry today is that they are way too busy. The pace of life can easily create lots of anxiety. God invites you to get some rest; take some time off.
Sometimes in your marriage (with your family) you need to just say, “Let’s take a break.” Realize you're tired; it is not bad to admit this. Some days you’re extra grumpy because you’re exhausted emotionally. At those times you need to say, “God, help me to keep my mouthshut today!” Get some rest. (Story of waking up grumpy.)
The fifth and final action step you can take to not be so quick to get angry is to change your expectations. Anger often starts with your expectations of how you think things are going to happen; how you think they should work out. Then however when your expectations; your plans; your visions don’t work out just like you want them to you get frustrated and angry.
I encourage you—lower your expectations a bit. Have realistic expectations on the golf course; with that meal you are preparing; with the people you work with; as a parent. Then you won’t have to throw those golf clubs in disgust; won't get bent out of shape when people are irritating.
Thomas a’Kempis said 600 years ago, “Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.”
My friends when it comes to expectations remember what you can expect from God. He says in Exodus 34:6, I am the “Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” Remember our God is slow to anger; he is rich in love and compassion toward you; he loves you more than you can ever imagine.
May God’s love help you to break the pattern of anger; to break this potentially deadly sin in you. May God help you to find help for your problems and anxieties; to find peace for your heart and soul. Pray each day through the Holy Spirit’s power that your anger will be replaced with patience, forgiveness and love.