DEAN E. BROWN
THE FATHERLESS PROJECT
P.O. Box 720233
JacksonHeights, N.Y. 11372
(917) 854-9412
December 25, 2006
Dear Reverend Flake
I’d like to thank you for giving me a few moments of your time at Bishop Mc Bath’s conference, and at your church The Greater Allen A.M.E... In our brief discussion I divulged to you my most painful experience.
My daughter Jazelle, who is now sixteen years of age, was sexually assaulted when she was only five years old. My book and ministry was birthed from that experience. The book is titled ''FATHERLESS''.
I chose the title ''FATHERLESS'' from my horrendous experience. I was healthy, strong, able and more than willing to be a full time father to my child, but yet she was still fatherless. Too often children who are a product of divorce or separation don’t have their fathers in their lives. Be it by choice, or the children’s mothers simply don’t allow the father’s to be in their lives.
Many of us (fathers) feel that our relationships have been reduced to a sperm donor, and an ATM machine. Making us feel as though we're less than fathers. We've developed these feelings from an on going battle with the mothers of our children as well as the court system. The court system is equally responsible for allowing mothers to play these games. Thousands of black men have had similar experiences with discouraging results. It’s an attack on our self esteem, as well as our self worth. Above all it’s an attack on the black family at large. Consequently, many fathers have gotten so frustrated from fighting that they just walk away. Although I can identify with their frustration, I refused to walk away. It was emotionally, mentally, and physically depleting, but the fight must continue. My daughter needs to know that I fought for her.
After my ex-wife and I separated she vowed to make my life a living hell, and do what ever she could to destroy my relationship with Jazelle. She violated my visitation so often that a Judge issued a court order that I pick up Jazelle from the 1st precinct in BabylonN.Y. Even though it was extremely frustrating I made a vow to my daughter that I would never abandon her. Most of my vacation time was spent in court fighting with my ex-wife and the system to be a father to my child. My ex-wife did what ever she felt like doing. The system condoned her blatant disregard for the court ordered visitation. I fought for my daughter for nine years and each year things got progressively worse.
During a weekend visit December 3, 1995, at l: 00 a.m. Jazelle informed me that she was sleeping in the same bed with her brother. What was so alarming to me was the fact that my daughter didn’t have any brothers. She was an only child. However, in an attempt to replace me, my ex-wife moved in with her drug dealing boyfriend and his sixteen-year-old son.
I took my daughter home the following evening, and confronted her mother about Jazelle’s assertion. My ex-wife simply denied everything. On December 8, 1995, I took Jazelle to the doctor to have her examined. I needed to know if something happened to my baby. After a complete examination the doctor concluded that there were no signs of abuse. Thank God she was alright. However, the doctor questioned me surrounding my reasons for having her examined at such a young age.
I told him of the prior conversation Jazelle had with me. I made a request to have a copy of the examination, so that I could further pursue the matter in court. I petitioned the court to have a hearing in regards to Jazelle’s assertion. When we appeared in court my ex-wife denied that any of this took place. To my surprise the judge said that there was nothing he could do. It was my word against hers, no home assessment was made. Nothing was ever done about this.
Six months later a CPS representative called me to make an appointment to do a home assessment.
After checking my home we sat at my kitchen table. She informed me that Jazelle’s vaginal tissue had been torn, and her hymen had been broken; and I was being accused of this crime. I couldn’t believe it. I showed this woman proof that I tried to address this in court six months ago, and the judge would not investigate it any further. Because Jazelle’s mother said I did it, now all of a sudden everyone wants to listen and take action.
On September 18, 1996 I was arrested and charged with raping my own daughter and endangering the welfare of a minor. This was the most humiliating day of my life. I couldn’t understand how God could allow me to go through this. My faith in God was truly tested. To add insult to injury I was arraigned in Brooklyn Central Booking where I worked as New York City Correction Officer.
The Brooklyn Grand Jury did not believe my ex-wife’s story. She alleged that I sexually assaulted my daughter on the fourth of July 1996. However, she waited until the thirtieth of July to take her to the doctor. What did not make sense to the Grand Jury was the fact that she waited 26 days (July 30, 1996) to take Jazelle to the doctor, knowing she made an allegation on the fourth of that month. The charges against me were dismissed.
The day that charges were dismissed against me in KingsCounty, Nassau County Sheriff’s Department left a threatening message on my home voice mail stating, “If I didn’t surrender to Nassau County Sheriff Department by 2:00 p.m. that same day they would issue a warrant for my arrest.” I was stunned. I immediately called my Attorney to let him hear the message, because I thought that I was a free man. It did not make sense to him either. He said they could not charge me criminally because that would be double jeopardy. However to avoid a warrant he met me in Nassau.
NassauCounty picked up the same charges, and charged me in Nassau County Family court. It was no longer a criminal matter, now it’s called neglect. If I was found guilty, I would loose my parental rights until Jazelle’s eighteenth birthday. NassauCounty gave me the raw and uncut version of racism to the tenth power.
I was stuck in a three year trial to clear my name. The judge revoked my parental rights for the duration of the trial. I couldn’t see or talk to my baby. She was my only child. It was like I was dying a slow death. During those three years God showed me how to totally trust in him.
I learned about patience and long suffering, I learned that weeping endures for a night and joy comes in the morning. I have a full understanding of what it feels like to be broken, and what it feels like to be restored. I learned that I will reap if I faint not. He said that he would never leave me nor forsake me.
During my three year trial my attorney was informed by an F.B.I. agent that my ex-wife was arrested for stealing ONE MILLION DOLLARS from Sears and Roebuck. She was also charged with Bank Fraud and Credit Card fraud. She stole credit cards from the bank she worked in.
The second year of my trial the FBI raided my ex-wife’s home for drugs. She was arrested, and her fiancé who lived with her was also arrested and sentenced to 12-15 years in prison. The third year of the trial I finally won the case. The judge wrote a ten-page decision explaining why he felt that I was innocent.
Two weeks after my trail was over, my ex wife was arrested for stealing 150 thousands dollars from a famous rapper/actor. The news captioned read, “Famous Rappers cousin steals 150 k from him.” It was in the newspaper and on television. The arresting detective called me to inform me that he had my ex-wife in custody for Grand Larceny, and Conspiracy to Defraud. This would be her fourth felony arrest, and she was still considered to be a fit parent. At no time did the officiating judge remove my child from that home. He refused to give me my baby.
Being separated from my baby for three years destroyed our relationship. By the time the judge granted me the opportunity to see Jazelle, to my surprise she didn’t want to see me. Jazelle was completely brain washed against me, which was devastating to me. I assumed that she missed me as much as I missed her. It took two years of therapy to just get her to be comfortable around me again. That was a very difficult time for the both of us. I reminded her of a promise I made a few years ago. I would never abandon her, although she was forbidden to call me daddy, our relationship has gotten better. There is still a huge gap in our relationship.
Since this experience, I’ve met so many men who are bleeding inside. Leading and Bleeding. But many of them have dropped the ball. We’re fathering other children instead of our own. Or we have younger children that we see, however our older children are estranged. It’s like were constantly fighting a losing battle. Were fighting against our ex wives, and against an antiquated racist system that refuses to acknowledge black men as loving, nurturing and responsible parents. The system is intent on treating us like boys instead of men. Laws need to be changed. We need to see more judges of color who would be more sensitive to the needs of families of color.
Right now more than ever, black men have to man up. Get back in this fight and fight for their children. How is it that women have the power to dictate when or if a father can see his children. This is a war cry for the warriors to stand up and get in this fight. Our women need strong Christian men and our children need fathers. There are many wounded men sitting in church bleeding and discouraged. They’ve lost the fight before the battle was over. There is healing at the altar. There’s restoration and victory in Jesus Christ.
I need your help in spreading this message. Although this is my story, many men have their own. You know men don’t like to talk about pain.
I 'm also asking all the women who have played the game of using their children as pawns, to help brake the cycle of fatherlessness that has plagued our community. Consider the long term effects that it will have in their children’s future. Children should not have to choose between parents.
In my opinion this is another form of genocide. In order for us to impact this nation, it begins with the family. God, Man, Woman, and Children;this is Gods order for the family.
Grace & Peace,
Dean E. Brown