Act 1 Scene 1 Hall S Tavern (A Beggar, Marvel, Is Panhandling by Hall S Tavern. Several

Act 1
Scene 1
Hall’s Tavern
(A beggar, Marvel, is panhandling by Hall’s Tavern. Several Patrons pass by, but all ignore Marvel)
Marvel.
Alms for the poor? Alms for the poor? Help a poor, old beggar? Help a cripple? Starving college student? (Griffin, the Invisible Man, enters carrying a large bag and three books, bound with a leather strap, tucked under one arm. He is bundled from head to toe in a long coat and trousers, boots that disappear under the trouser legs, thick gloves, a scarf wrapped several times around the neck, bandages wrapped round his head, dark goggles, and a hat. The attire is quite mismatched and many pieces seem ill fitting, as though he has been cobbled together. Marvel notices him and determinedly blocks his path) Hey Guvna, you look like a sympathetic fellow! How’s about a shilling for one of God’s children. (Griffin passes by towards the door) Go to hell, you ingrate! (Griffin’s hat falls off. Marvel picks it up and holds it out for Griffin) Hey Guvna, your ha-
(Marvel trails off, struck by the fact that the top of Griffin’s head is missing. The bandages simply stop, giving his head an uneven look. Griffin turns and crosses back to Marvel. He takes the hat back and puts it on his head. Marvel is still frozen with shock and fear. They stare at each other for a bit. Griffin moves closer to Marvel. He reaches out slowly and puts his hand behind Marvel’s ear. He retracts it, holding a shilling, which he places in Marvel’s hand, accompanied by a hushed finger to the lips. Griffin turns back to the Tavern and enters, with Marvel, all the while, frozen. After Griffin enters the Tavern, Marvel breaks, looks down at the coin, and quietly goes back to the panhandling place and takes a long swig from a bottle. Griffin, meanwhile, crosses to a small desk with a bell. The Patrons have gone quiet. All eyes are on Griffin. Mrs. Hall comes to the desk, busily cleaning a glass. She doesn’t look up until she is within arm’s reach of Griffin, at which point, she looks up at his bandaged face and screams. This startles everyone, Griffin included, who manages to hide most of his shock. Patron 4 & 5 wake from a drunken sleep with a start)
Patron 4.
(Joyously)
Happy Birthday!
Patron 5.
(Pulling Patron 4’s hat down over face)
Shhh!
(Mrs. Hall recovers and smacks Griffin with her cleaning cloth)
Mrs. Hall.
What you trying to do, give me a heart attack? Face all wrapped up like a mummy. Shame on you! Who is it in there?
Griffin.
I would like a room.
Mrs. Hall.
Is that you, Thomas?
Griffin.
No, Madam, I am not.
Mrs. Hall.
Richard, then? Or Harold?(She tries to peek underneath the bandages, but Griffin knocks her hand away)
Griffin.
You can go through every Tom, Dick, and Harry. I am none. Now, I would like a room!
Mrs. Hall.
Awfully pushy, aren’t you?

Griffin.
Please! I can pay. (He produces some coins and places them on the desk)
Mrs. Hall.
Very well, Sir, I’ll need your name and length of stay. (She takes out a guestbook and quill)
Griffin.
(Throwing some extra coins onto the desk) No names. Indefinite stay.
Mrs. Hall.
(Her demeanor changes as she promptly shuts the book. A smile stretches from ear to ear) Well, why didn’t you say so, Mr. Smith? My name is Janny Hall and I run this fine establishment. I’ll have my husband George fetch your bags. (She turns her head and hollers off) George! (Mr. Hall rushes in) Bring Mr. Smith’s bags to his room.
Griffin.
That’s fine. I only have the one bag.
(Mr. Hall leaves)
Mrs. Hall.
I won’t hear of it. No need to strain yourself. George! (Mr. Hall rushes in again) Take Mr. Smith’s bag!
Griffin.
I’d prefer to hold onto it.
(Mr. Hall turns to leave)
Mrs. Hall.
George, don’t be rude. Take the bag.
Hall.
(Almost pathetic in his pleading) Please, Sir, let me take your bag? (Reluctantly, Griffin hands it over. Mr. Hall takes it about ten steps to the Guestroom Door) Here you are, Sir. (Exasperation bleeds through Griffin’s clothes and he begrudgingly snatches back the bag)
Griffin.
(Without turning) Thank you.
(He closes the door hard behind him. The room is furnished with a table and chair, and a bed partially offstage. He sets down his books, and then begins to take various chemical instruments out of his bag and place them on the table. Once he is finished, he stretches and exits past the bed. While that is going on in the Guestroom, Mr. & Mrs. Hall motion over some of the Patrons)
Mrs. Hall.
Anyone know who that feller is?
Patron 1.
Never seen him before in my life.
Patron 2.
Came in off the street as far as I can tell.
Patron 3.
Not from around here, that much is plain.
Hall.
He seemed nice enough to me.
Mrs. Hall.
Well, I don’t trust him. There’s something awfully fishy about him.
Hall.
A might peculiar, too!
Mrs. Hall.
Still, he’s a guest and a paying one, at that.
Hall.
Can’t go making assumptions about people.
Mrs. Hall.
But why’s he got his face all bandaged up? It doesn’t make sense.
Hall.
Hiding something, no doubt.
Mrs. Hall.
That’s it, George! You’ve struck oil!
Hall.
I- I have? (He hesitantly looks down around his feet)
Mrs. Hall.
The man must be some sort of criminal. Why else would he be giving no names, paying extra for it, not showing his face? And you know what they say about a wanted man…
Hall.
(Less certain than ever) Ke- Keep him away from the silverware.
Mrs. Hall.
…There must be a reward for turning him in! Hmmm. It’ll be tough finding a patrolman at this time of night. You’ll have to keep him distracted until I return.
Hall.
I’ll tell him that joke I know. “An Irishman walks out of a bar.” No, that’s not it. How does it go again?
Mrs. Hall.
On second thought, George, why don’t you look for the patrolman and I’ll distract him?
Hall.
Oh, that sounds lovely. Perhaps I can tell him my joke?
Mrs. Hall.
Perhaps. Now get going. (George exits, excited to be given something to do. Griffin reenters and cross to the door)
Griffin.
Mrs. Hall? (She comes to his door)
Mrs. Hall.
How may I be of service, Sir?
Griffin.
A meal.
Mrs. Hall.
Me?
Griffin.
I would like one.
Mrs. Hall.
Oh, of course! Right away, Sir. (She starts to go)
Griffin.
Mrs. Hall? (She returns) Once I receive my meal, I wish to not be disturbed for the remainder of the evening. I have a lot of important work to do and my concentration must not be broken. Have I made myself clear?
Mrs. Hall.
Crystal.
(They each go their separate ways, Mrs. Hall to the kitchen, Griffin to his room, with the door closed. He takes out some small vials of different colors and carefully starts mixing them. Mrs. Hall comes and raps on his door. Griffin, frustrated at the interruption, sets the vials down and answers the door)
Griffin.
That was fast.
Mrs. Hall.
Sorry, Sir, I forgot to ask: What will you be wanting to be eating?
Griffin.
Food, preferably. Anything. Doesn’t matter. Now please, no more interruptions.
(Mrs. Hall nods and leaves. She comes right back and raps again)
Mrs. Hall.
Anything to drink?
Griffin.
Is drink not included with meal?
Mrs. Hall.
It is, but you didn’t mention one, so I thought I’d ask.
Griffin.
Yes, a drink will be fine. (He ushers her back out of the room as she cranes her neck to see what she can. He closes the door, turns to continue working, but senses something. He stops and waits. Sure enough, Mrs. Hall comes back)
Mrs. Hall.
Side dish?
Griffin.
Yes! Yes to the meal! Yes to the drink! Yes to the side dish! Yes to ANYTHING else you have to offer! For the love of all that is holy in this infernal town if I hear you knock on my door without food again, I will knock on your head! (He slams the door hard)
Mrs. Hall.
Well, just for that, I’m not going offer him candlelight to dine by! (She picks up the hem of her dress and storms out with her nose in the air.)
Patron 2.
You think he’s a crook?
Patron 1.
He’s a right temperamental one, he is. What’s he doing that’s so important anyway?
(Mrs. Hall reenters)
Patron 3.
What’re you going to do, Mrs.?
Mrs. Hall.
Feed him, naturally. No reason the man should go to jail on an empty stomach.
Patron 1.
Besides, if she cooks it, he’s got to pay for it.
Patron 3.
You should tell him you’ll need tomorrow’s rent in advance! (The Patrons have a good laugh at this)
Mrs. Hall.
I might do just that. (She crosses to the door, but remembers Griffin’s threat and doubles back)
Patron 2.
Would you look at that! Janny Hall afraid of the devil!
Mrs. Hall.
The devil my eye! I just don’t want to upset him before the authorities arrive. (Mr. Hall enters, very pleased with himself) George! Did you find a patrolman?
Hall.
I most assuredly did.
Mrs. Hall.
Did you speak with him?
Hall.
I did.
Mrs. Hall.
And?
Hall.
He laughed.
Mrs. Hall.
He laughed?
Hall.
He did.
Mrs. Hall.
Why? Didn’t he believe you?
Hall.
He did.
Mrs. Hall.
Then why did he laugh?
Hall.
I suppose he laughed because he thought it was funny.
Mrs. Hall.
He thought it was funny?!
Hall.
Yes, he said, “You’re absolutely right, George. That’s exactly what an Irishman would say!”
Mrs. Hall.
George, dear.
Hall.
Yes, Mrs.?
Mrs. Hall.
Did you tell him anything other than your joke?
Hall.
Well, I only know the one.
Mrs. Hall.
So I gather you didn’t tell him about the escaped convict in our guestroom?
(Mr. Hall starts to respond, but as slow realization creeps over him, he closes his mouth, turns and trudges back out the door, thoroughly deflated)
Patron 2.
Poor Janny. Can’t find good help these days.
(Mrs. Hall rolls her eyes in disgust and goes back to the kitchen)
Patron 1.
(Stands and raises a glass in toast) Poor, poor Janny Hall,
Who went into the kitchen to bawl,
Because the man that she did take
For a husband was half-baked,
Requiring her to stall
A potentially dangerous criminal
Should the police show up at all
Poor Janny Hall!
Patron 3.
(Following suit) To Mrs. Hall,
Who dreamt of more money.
At least the patrolman
Thought her husband was funny!
Patron 2.
(Joining) A toast to the host who gave us the most
Laughs for our money spent, which was none!
(They burst into laughter as Mrs. Hall reenters with Griffin’s meal. Mr. Hall dashes in as well, stopping to catch his breath)
Mrs. Hall.
Well?
Hall.
On his way. Says he had to notify Constable Jaffers.
Mrs. Hall.
We will have to make do until then. (She takes the food to the door, knocking lightly. Griffin answers it. Mrs. Hall tries to carry the food into the room, but Griffin blocks her)
Griffin.
I will take it, thank you.
Mrs. Hall.
Very well, Sir. As you see fit.
Griffin.
I would like to apologize for my earlier outburst. I am under a lot of strain at the moment, but it does not excuse rudeness.
Mrs. Hall.
(Caught a little off guard) Thank you, Sir. Is the room to your satisfaction?
Griffin.
Very much so. (He nods and she gives a slight curtsey in return. He gently closes the door. Mrs. Hall makes her way back to the Patrons, lost in thought. Hall enters with Constable Jaffers and two Officers)
Mrs. Hall.
Hello Constable Jaffers. To what do I owe the pleasure?
Jaffers.
Evening Mrs. Hall. Your husband tells me that there is a fugitive from justice residing in your establishment.
Mrs. Hall.
Oh, there are no fugitives here, Constable. Only the usual riff-raff. I’m afraid you’ve been victim to one of my husband’s practical jokes. Shame on you, George! Such a cruel prank.
Hall.
But you told me to-
Mrs. Hall.
Never take advantage of a policeman’s trust. I’m terribly sorry, Constable. I’ll make sure that something like this never happens again.
Jaffers.
Er, Mrs. Hall? (Pulling her aside and in hushed tones) You’ve put me in sort of a bind. You see, I promised the boys that they’d get to see some action tonight. You know, arrest someone, whatnot? Ain’t you got someone who needs arresting?
Mrs. Hall.
(She slowly glances over at Mr. Hall) Well, between you and me, Constable, my husband has had quite a bit to drink.
Patron 4.
That’s right, sir. He’s a lush!
Patron 5.
It’s true! I’ve seen it with my own two hands!
Jaffers.
(Almost excitedly) You think he could stand a night cooling off in the drunk tank?
Mrs. Hall.
I think that would be just the thing!
Jaffers.
(Turns to Officers) All right, boys! Cuff him.
(Much to Mr. Hall’s horror, the Officers grab him by the arms and slap handcuffs on him)
Hall.
Wait! What’s all this about? Janny!
Mrs. Hall.
I’m sorry, George, but maybe now you’ll learn to stay away from that bottle. I’ll come get you in the morning, love.
Jaffers.
Let’s go, Mr. Hall.
Hall.
(Flabbergasted- this is all moving too fast for him) But I’m no drunk! I’m a Methodist, for crying out loud! (He’s dragged off)
Patron 3.
Blow me down with a teapot! Mrs. Hall’s flipped her lid!
Patron 1.
Why in heaven’s name did you do that?
Mrs. Hall.
Maybe he’s not such a bad egg. I think we just got off on the wrong foot, is all. Besides, we do need the money. Haven’t had a regular guest for a long while.
Patron 2.
Ah, there it is! The truth’s out!
Mrs. Hall.
Maybe if you lot paid your tabs more frequently, I wouldn’t be having to do this! I feel right awful about my poor husband. What’s done is done, though, and there’s no good in reminiscing about it. Oh! I just remembered! I haven’t brought the poor fellow his drink, yet! (She makes a quick dash off and returns with a glass and a bottle. She calls out to Patron 2) Give me a hand with the door, will you? (Patron 2 Gets up and opens the door for her. They see Griffin, who, in the process of eating, has opened the bandages covering his mouth- there’s nothing there! Mrs. Hall screams) I think I’m going to faint!
(As Mrs. Hall starts to keel over, Patron 2 reaches out and grabs the glass and bottle from Mrs. Hall, who lands with a thud and a groan. Griffin stands up and runs out of the room and the Tavern, mouth cover still open. As he makes his way out, Patrons 4 & 5 sing boisterously)
Patrons 4 & 5.

(Sung, discordantly, at different speeds, they somehow get their pacing matched for the last line)
For he’s a jolly good fellow, for he’s a jolly good fellow, for he’s a jolly good fellow… and so say both of us!
(Griffin passes Marvel, who sees the gaping mouth-hole. Marvel holds up the bottle, eyes the label suspiciously, and dumps out the remains. Meanwhile, Mrs. Hall has recovered herself)
Patron 3.
You all right, Mrs.?
Mrs. Hall.
As God is my witness, that man had no mouth!
Patron 1.
What do you mean “no mouth”?
Mrs. Hall.
Exactly what I said. No mouth! Just a big, gaping hole! You saw it, didn’t you?
Patron 2.
I didn’t see much of anything. He was moving too fast.
Patron 1.
Sounds like ConstableJaffers took the wrong Hall!
Mrs. Hall.
I know what I saw!
(Marvel enters, wide-eyed)
Marvel.
I just saw a man leave here with no mouth, and he had come in missing the top of his head! Just how much are you charging for rooms these days?
Mrs. Hall.
Marvel! You saw it too?
Marvel.
I most certainly did, believe you me!
Patron 2.
You want us to fetch Jaffers again?
Mrs. Hall.
He ran out. Maybe he won’t come back. There’s more explaining I’d have to do.
Marvel.
I didn’t see him leave with his bag. Suppose it’s still here?
Mrs. Hall.
Let’s have us a little peek.
Patron 3.
You’re going to look through the man’s belongs?
Mrs. Hall.
You have a problem with it, Mr. High-And-Mighty who can’t pay his tab?
Patron 3.
(Embarrassed) No, I was just asking…
Mrs. Hall.
Right, let’s hop to it, then.
(Mrs. Hall charges bravely forward, followed closely by Marvel and the Patrons. She halts abruptly at the door)
Marvel.
Well? What you waiting for?
Mrs. Hall.
I- I don’t know.
(Beat)
Marvel.
(Pushing past) I call dibs then. ‘Scuse me. (Marvel crosses to the bag as the other file in and begins rummaging about) Junk. Junk. Don’t know what that is. (Marvel pulls out a series of vials) Looks tasty. (Uncorks one and sniffs it) Smells all right. (Drinks it in one like gulp before anyone can protest. All eyes are on Marvel, who starts coughing) That’ll put hair on your chest! (Sees the books) What do we have here?