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CONTENTS
MEN JOKES AND FEMINIST HUMOR
RIDDLES ABOUT MEN
QUOTES AND ONE-LINERS ABOUT MEN
WOMEN JOKES AND SEXIST HUMOR
RIDDLES ABOUT WOMEN
QUOTES AND ONE-LINERS ABOUT WOMEN
RELATIONSHIPS
------
== MEN JOKES AND FEMINIST HUMOR ======-= men jokes and feminist humor =-= 1 =------
Man - A Chemical Analysis
Element : Man
Symbol : Ah (short for Asshole)
Quantitative : Accepted at 7 inches though some isotopes can be as short as 4
inches.
Discoverer : Eve (discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for
ribs)
Occurrence : Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration
near a perfect Wo specimen.
Physical properties :
1.Surface often covered with hair; bristly in some areas, soft in others.
2.Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts if treated like a God.
3.Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol). 4.Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
5.Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo (Snore... zzzzz).
6.Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
7.Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
8.Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
9.Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted form of the Wo common ore.
10.When pressure is applied, becomes stiff and unyielding; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied
Chemical properties :
1.All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible.
2.May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely favorable conditions.
3.Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo.
4.Usually willing to react with whatever is available.
5.Reaction Rates range from aborted/non-existent to pre-interaction effects (which tend to turn the specimen bright red.
6.Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm and wet to violent/bloody.
7.When saturated with alcohols, will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.
8.Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
9.Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
10.Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
Storage :
1.Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for favorable reaction style.
Uses :
1.Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo...
2.Can be used in recreational activities.
Tests :
1.Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.
Caution :
1.Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen. Otherwise very maleable under correct conditions.
-= men jokes and feminist humor =-= 2 =------
Little sister answers the door and announces your date is here...she yells out, "Shelly, Mr. Four and a Half Inches is here!"
-= men jokes and feminist humor =-= 3 =------
Suzie: Can you beat my total of 71 men?
Jane: If you supply the whips.
-= men jokes and feminist humor =-= 4 =------
A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas," the friend observed. "But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?"
"Well," the husband said, "we changed our plans because, uh..." His wife cut in, "Oh, tell the truth, Fred!" He fell silent and she continued, "You know, it's just ridiculous. Fred simply *will not* ask for directions."
-= men jokes and feminist humor =-= 5 =------
A woman called in a repairman to fix her television. Just as he finished, the woman heard her husband's key in the lock. "Hurry," she said to the repairman, "you'll have to hide. My husband is insanely jealous." There was no time to run out the back door
, so the repairman hid inside the TV console. The husband came in and plopped down in his favorite chair to watch some football. Inside the TV, the repairman was all squished up and getting hotter and hotter. Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore. He cli
mbed out, marched across the room and out the front door. The husband looked at the TV set, looked at his wife, looked back at the set again and said, "I didn't see the referee send that guy off the field, did you?"
-= men jokes and feminist humor =-= 6 =------
A man came home a day early from a business trip and discovered his wife in the midst of passionate lovemaking with a total stranger in their bedroom. He demandingly asked, "What on earth are you doing?!?!!" The wife turned to the other man and replied,
"See, I told you he was as dumb as a post."
-= men jokes and feminist humor =-= 7 =------
God created Adam and informed him that he had given him a brain and a penis. The brain was a good gift as it allowed him to do many things. The penis was also a good thing as it allowed the race to continue. The problem was that God had only given Adam e
nough of a blood supply so that he could only use one of them at a time.
Men are naturally competitive. Even in the Garden of Eden, Adam was afraid Eve would like the snake's fruit better than his.
-= men jokes and feminist humor =-= 8 =------
God created man before creating woman, because you need a rough draft before you create a masterpiece.
-= men jokes and feminist humor =-= 9 =------
Man says to God, "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says, "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God replies, "So she would love you."
-= men jokes and feminist humor =-= 10 =------
A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel real good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum."
"You mean you gave a bum five dollars? That's a lot of money to give away like that. What did you husband say about it?" "Oh, he thought it was the thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.'"
-= men jokes and feminist humor =-= 11 =------
Jim: Joe, I hear you just got married again. Joe: Yes, for the fourth time.
Jim: What happened to your first three wives? Joe: They all died, Jim.
Jim: How did that happen?
Joe: My first wife ate poison mushrooms. Jim: How terrible! And your second?
Joe: She ate poison mushrooms.
Jim: And your third ate poison mushrooms too? Joe: Oh, no. She died of a broken neck. Jim: I see, an accident.
Joe: Not exactly. She wouldn't eat her mushrooms.
-= men jokes and feminist humor =-= 12 =------
A giant truck stops to pick up a hitchhikeress. The driver opens the door and says, "Come on in. I'm not like the other ones that only let the good-looking girls have a ride."
-= men jokes and feminist humor =-= 13 =------
Once heard from a girl who just broke up with someone: My old boyfriend and I weren't compatible. I'm a virgo and he's an asshole.
-= men jokes and feminist humor =-= 14 =------
I had
ar."
-= men jokes and feminist humor =-= 16 =------
A priest and nun are on their way back home from a convention when their car breaks down. They are unable to get repairs completed and it appears that they will have to spend the night in a motel. The only motel in this town has only one room available s
o they have a minor problem.
Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the couch and you take the bed.
Sister: I think that would be okay. They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later...
Sister: Father, I'm terribly cold.
Priest: Okay, I'll get up and get you a blanket from the closet. Ten minutes later...
Sister: Father, I'm still terribly cold. Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get up and get you another blanket. Ten minutes later...
Sister: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night. Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own damn blanket.
-= men jokes and feminist humor =-= 17 =------
A Guide To Proper Etiquette In The Men's Restroom
Ever since man crawled out of the primordial ooze, he has built himself structures to contain the processes of bodily waste removal. These have been known as "restrooms," "bathrooms," "outhouses," "commodes," "men's rooms," and several other names. As wi
th any exclusive organization, wholly half the human race aren't allowed through the door, and a number of exceedingly complicated customs have arisen to maintain a sense of order and dignity.
General rules:
1.Don't talk to somebody you don't know. You may chat quietly with an acquaintance, but must absolutely not call attention to yourself. 2.A quick glance in the mirror is permissible, but absolutely don't spend a significant time arranging hair, clothing,
etc. Zit popping is only permissible after checking to see nobody else is around. 3.No profanity of any kind. This is reserved for locker rooms, only. 4.If you must wait, form a single-file line, ragged, and be sure to keep looking around. Read graffiti
.
Grafitti rules:
5. All graffiti is anonymous. If there's any chance somebody can trace your graffiti back to you, don't do it.
6. Writing graffiti in the open section of the bathroom is only acceptable if nobody can see you. Writing in the stalls is similarly acceptable.
7. If the bathroom is sufficiently public, feel free to insult different ethnic/racial/sexual groups. If the bathroom is used by a small few, restraint comments to amusing anecdotes or chit-chat about secretaries. If visiting dignitaries from other compa
nies or the government may tend to use the bathroom, graffiti is forbidden.