Use Concrete Language Rather Than Vague Language

Effective Writing

This exercise is intended to help you write more effectively by eliminating vague language, passive voice, repetition, and other common mistakes in writing. For each exercise, change the sentence to make the sentence stronger using the rule as a guide.

Rule 1

Use concrete language rather than vague language.

Example:

Vague: The weather was of an extreme nature on the west coast.

Concrete: California had very cold weather last week.

Exercise

1. The weather had adverse impacts on our boat resulting in the necessity to rescue us from the water.

Rule 2

Use active voice whenever possible. Active voice means the subject is performing the verb.

Example:

Active: Barry hit the ball.

Passive: The ball was hit.

Exercise

1. There are many ideas that are worth exploring by us at this meeting.

Rule 3

Avoid overusing there is, there are, it is, it was, and so on.

Example:There is a case of meningitis that was reported in the newspaper.

Correction: A case of meningitis was reported in the newspaper.

Even Better: The newspaper reported a case of meningitis. (active voice)

Example: It is important to signal before making a left turn.

Correction: Signaling before making a left turn is important.

OR

Signaling before a left turn is important.

OR

You should signal before making a left turn. (active voice)

Exercise

1. There are some revisions which must be made.
2. It is a shame that there are so many holidays that go uncelebrated.

Rule 4

To avoid confusion, don’t use two negatives to make a positive.

Example:

Incorrect: He is not unwilling to help.

Correct: He is willing to help.

Exercise

1. It is not likely that no one would want to claim ownership of the new sports car.

Rule 5

Use a similar grammatical form when offering several ideas. This is called parallel construction.

Example:

Correct: You should check your spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

Incorrect: You should check your spelling, grammar, and punctuating.

Exercise

1. Martin could not find time to work, shop, and go for walks with the dogs.
2. Jason helped his mom clean the garage, the windows, and wash the car.

Rule 6

If you start a sentence with an action, place the actor immediately after or you will have created the infamous dangling modifier.

Example:

Incorrect: While walking across the street, the bus hit her.

Correct: While walking across the street, she was hit by a bus.

OR

She was hit by a bus while walking across the street.

Exercise

1. While singing in the shower, the bar of soap slipped from her hands.

Rule 7

Place modifiers near the words they modify.

Example:

Incorrect: I have some pound cake Mollie baked in my lunch bag.

Correct: In my lunch bag, I have some pound cake that Mollie baked.

Exercise

1. Flying out the window, he grabbed the papers.

Rule 8

A sentence fragment occurs when you have only a phrase or weak clause but are missing a strong clause.

Example:

Fragment: After the show ended.

Complete: After the show ended, we had coffee.

Exercise

1. While at the game.