How Close Is Too Close

HIGHLINE COMMUNITY COLLEGE

Principles of Management

Proxemics – A Study of Personal Space

The attached article, “How Close is Too Close?”, talks about personal space – that area around a person that is regarded as a personal comfort zone. The size of this space depends on many things – the relationship of the person who is approaching, cultural background, moods, and the sex of the individuals involved.

To communicate effectively, it is very helpful to recognize where a person’s personal space begins. Researchers have shown that the most effective communication occurs when the people communicating are within each other’s “personal zone”, that zone being defined as the area around a person into which friends or co-workers are allowed to enter. Getting closer risks entering a person’s “intimate zone”, where only very close friends or family are allowed.

How do we know when we are close enough, but not too close? By edging closer to a person until non-verbal signals suggest we are getting too close.

Assignment

You are to approach three people.

One is to be a person you do not know at all – a clerk at a store, a person next to you in line in the cafeteria, or perhaps someone sitting at a table in the Student Union Building.

One is to be a person you know, but not well – a classmate, a friend of a friend, a clerk at a store you go to often and with whom you have established some rapport.

One is someone you know very well – a close friend or family member.

With each person, test the “personal space” of the relationship by getting closer until the person reacts by backing up, saying something to you, or some other signal. (You may want to let them know, at that time, that you were doing a class project – I don’t want anyone punched in the nose for getting too close!)

Write a paragraph on each situation – describe the circumstances and the results. Were you surprised by your experiment? What did you learn?

A fun follow-up would be to continue to test “personal space” with different types of people. Are there differences between men and women? How about within different cultural backgrounds?

DUE: Friday, February 17th.

You will have Thursday, February 16th, out of class to work on this assignment.

How Close is Too Close?

Everyone has a space around their body that is held sacred as their own territory. This is called "personal space" and it is characterized by a zone or "bubble" that varies for individuals and circumstances. We each have our own unwritten rules about how big our personal space is, who may enter our personal space, and how close they may approach. Dominant animals and humans demand more space than the less dominate. How we guard and defend our personal space, and how we approach or invade another person's space, is very revealing about our relationships, status, rank, and dominance as we perceive it.

It is evident that this man is not inviting people in to his personal space! The arms-across-his-chest is a strong and frequent body language cue saying: "Don't come close!" "Stay away from me!" "I don't want to deal with any of you and especially not to get personally close!" "I just want to stay in my own little safe world."

The wide spaced feet indicate solid placement so no one can push him or move him. No one can change his mind, manipulate him, or influence him in any way. He is "planted" right where he is, mentally and physically, and is not going to change anything in his life right now.

When two animals or humans believe they are dominant to each other and one enters the personal space of the other, there will be immediate confrontation to determine who really is "top dog".

Where the rank of each individual is clearly delineated (such as in the military where rank is clearly displayed on the uniform) there is no problem with who gets the most territory - the higher ranking person does. This is also true in the corporate world where the higher the rank in the organization, the larger is the office, work space, parking place, etc. How much space is actually required has little to do with how much is allotted to the person.

The personal space between two people talking reveals a lot about their relationship and type of discussion. The dominant person is immediately evident by how much personal space is controlled and used. The dominate person even has the privilege of entering the less dominate person's space without their permission, but not so the other way around. The larger amount of space claimed by the rich and high status people in a community is clearly evident by their larger homes, yards, cars, garages, offices, etc. The lower in status and rank a person is, the less space they command and control in every aspect of their life.

Everyone has an unconscious image of how they look and how much space they occupy. This space has been named a personal bubble. This bubble of personal space has four divisions wherein four types of relationships are comfortably conducted. The closer two people are, the more intimate is their relationship. Lovers will be very close and touching each other off and on, or even steadily holding on to each other. This closest zone of personal space has been referred to as the "intimate zone". Conversely, the area of bubble space where one would talk to an authority figure (boss, teacher, or high government official) would be quite distant.

Research has shown these four zones exist for most North American people:

The intimate zone for those dear to us is 1.5 feet (45 cm.) or less. Interestingly, at this close range not only body language is meaningful but also our unconscious sense of smell can reveal much information about the partner's mood and health. See more on the importance of pheromones in relationships and body language here.

The personal zone from 1.5 feet (45 cm) to 4 feet (120 cm) is where we comfortably converse with friends. Interestingly, this distance is where body language can be observed very effectively.

The social zone where conversation is conducted with casual acquaintances is no closer than 4 feet (120 cm) and out to 7 feet (360 cm). This zone is at least two arm lengths away and therefore out of striking distance. This unconscious habit of staying a safe striking distance away from those who are not our intimate friends probably is something left over in our DNA from our ancestors millions of years ago.

The public zone where strangers and authority figures are most comfortably acknowledged is beyond about 7 feet (360 cm). This longer distance may say something about how we unconsciously fear strangers and authority figures.

Be aware that all the zones vary slightly in different cultures. This may cause conflicts and misunderstood body language when traveling to foreign countries. Interestingly, but not surprisingly, most men tend to have a slightly more distant zone boundary with other men but not with women.

Next time you meet someone let them establish how close they stand or sit with you. This distance will clearly indicate how they feel about their relationship with you. When you are flirting or dating an important clue to how the relationship is progressing is the distance your partner chooses to sit or stand from you. Pay particular attention to both the distance and the body posture mirroring.

How to tell if you are invading someone's space.

One or more of these cues indicate discomfort with you being too close:

·  Rocking back in chair creating more space between you both.

·  Pulling the chin into the chest and hunching of the shoulders.

·  Closed eyes.

·  Looking past you at others behind you.

·  Tapping fingers and/or swinging leg.

·  Defensive gestures like arms folded across chest.

·  Attempts to move away unobtrusively.

If you see a person you are talking to doing these body language cues then you are too close to them; you are infringing on what they feel is their private space. If you move away from them a little they will feel safer with you and appreciate your presence more. Extrovert people will accept you in a little closer than introverts.

How to tell if someone is really comfortable with you

One or more of these cues indicate the person with you likes being with you:

·  They are looking into your eyes as you converse with each other.

·  Their body posture mirrors your body posture.

·  Their eye pupil is not closed down; it is open so their pupil looks larger than normal (when you are not in bright lights).

·  They do not have any defensive body gestures (like arms folded across chest).

·  Their hand palms are often up and open toward you.

·  There are often little head nods when they agree with what you say.

·  The face is relaxed yet may often show expressions of joy and smile.

Intimate relationships are mostly about body language. Two bodies can have a wonderful and glorious unconscious relationship of touch and maneuver while at the same time mind games are going on. Just watch two young people talking and flirting and you will see their bodies often jousting, teasing, and dancing with each other at the same time they are discussing some arcane subject. Most of this delightful active body language is unconscious but nonetheless is more revealing about their actual relationship than are the words they speak.

If you want to really understand the relationship between two people just study their ongoing body language.

Source: EastWest Institute http://www.learnbodylanguage.org/personal_space.html