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Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement (Jean M. Twenge Ph.D. and W. Keith Campbell Ph.D.)
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- Highlight Loc. 267-71 | Added on Wednesday, May 06, 2009, 06:46 PM
Parents are told that even newborns can experience the benefits of self-admiration. The Breastfeeding Book, by Martha and William Sears, notes that one of the benefits of breastfeeding is milder-smelling stools. This is great for parents, but it’s good for baby, too: “When the baby looks at the face of the diaper-changing caregiver and sees happiness rather than disgust, he picks up a good message about himself—perhaps a perk for budding self-esteem.” Given the popularity of encouraging self-admiration in children, this will probably be just the first time the child will learn that his poop doesn’t stink.
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- Highlight Loc. 319-25 | Added on Wednesday, May 06, 2009, 11:29 PM
Narcissism is a psychological term, but even people who have never taken a psychology class know it when they see it. Other common names for narcissism include arrogance, conceit, vanity, grandiosity, and self-centeredness. A narcissist is full of herself, has a big head, is a blowhard, loves the sound of his own voice, or is a legend in her own mind. A lot of self-absorbed jerks are narcissists, but so are a lot of smooth, superficially charming, and charismatic people (who, unfortunately, are later revealed to be self-centered and dishonest). A narcissist has an overinflated view of his own abilities, similar to the kitten that sees himself as a lion on the popular poster. Narcissists are not just confident, they’re overconfident. In short, narcissists admire themselves too much.
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- Highlight Loc. 334-38 | Added on Wednesday, May 06, 2009, 11:31 PM
Measured objectively, narcissists are just like everyone else. Nevertheless, narcissists see themselves as fundamentally superior—they are special, entitled, and unique. Narcissists also lack emotionally warm, caring, and loving relationships with other people. This is a main difference between a narcissist and someone merely high in self-esteem: the high self-esteem person who’s not narcissistic values relationships, but the narcissist does not. The result is a fundamentally imbalanced self—a grandiose, inflated self-image and a lack of deep connections to others.
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- Highlight Loc. 438-48 | Added on Wednesday, May 06, 2009, 11:43 PM
MYTH 1: Narcissism Is “Really High” Self-Esteem Narcissism is often confused with “really high” self-esteem. Narcissists do have high self-esteem, and in fact many techniques used to increase self-esteem might lead to greater narcissism. But narcissism and self-esteem differ in an important way. Narcissists think they are smarter, better looking, and more important than others, but not necessarily more moral, more caring, or more compassionate. Narcissists don’t brag about how they are the nicest, most thoughtful people in the world, but they do like to point out that they’re winners or that they’re hot (like the teenage girls Jean overhead in a YMCA locker room, one of whom looked in the mirror, grinned widely, and declared in a loud voice, “Wow—I look hot!” She then proceeded to list all of the boys who thought so, too). People merely high in self-esteem also have positive views of themselves, but they also see themselves as loving and moral. This is one reason narcissists lack perspective—close relationships keep the ego in check. For example, if you beat a close friend in a tennis match, you typically don’t scream, “In your face!” and do a happy dance. You say, “Good game.” Narcissists are missing the piece about caring for others, which is why their self-admiration often spins out of control.
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- Highlight Loc. 449 | Added on Wednesday, May 06, 2009, 11:44 PM
MYTH 2: Narcissists Are Insecure and Have Low Self-Esteem
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- Highlight Loc. 562-66 | Added on Thursday, May 07, 2009, 10:45 PM
The Boomers, a generation famous for being self-absorbed, were outdone by their children. By 2006, two-thirds of college students scored above the scale’s original 1979–85 sample average, a 30% increase in only two decades. One out of 4 recent college students answered the majority of questions in the narcissistic direction. The upswing in narcissism appears to be accelerating: the increase between 2000 and 2006 was especially steep. The changes were especially large for women; men still score higher on narcissism than women, but young women are closing the gap.
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- Bookmark Loc. 568 | Added on Thursday, May 07, 2009, 10:46 PM
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- Highlight Loc. 621-25 | Added on Thursday, May 07, 2009, 10:53 PM
For one thing, young adulthood looks more like adolescence now than it used to. Baby Boomers in the 1970s typically settled into employment, married, and had at least one child well before they turned 25. Today’s average 25-year-old has not achieved any of these milestones; their lives more closely resemble those of adolescents, the time in life when narcissism peaks. So our best estimate is that adults in their twenties, thirties, and forties are more narcissistic now than they were a few decades ago.
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- Highlight Loc. 662-64 | Added on Thursday, May 07, 2009, 10:58 PM
Ethnic groups differ in levels of narcissism, primarily due to cultural issues. In particular, Asian cultures are more collectivistic and discourage individualism and narcissism. Overall, more traditional cultures—those that value family, duty, and obligation—are less narcissistic than more modern cultures like that of the United States.
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- Highlight Loc. 672-75 | Added on Thursday, May 07, 2009, 10:59 PM
Religious leaders stressed humility and modesty. Strong communities and stable relationships discouraged arrogance and made it less necessary to meet and impress new people. Narcissism has also been transmitted as an unintended consequence of good intentions, as in the self-esteem movement and less authoritative parenting. Instead of creating friendly, happy children, however, these practices often produce self-centered, narcissistic young people.
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- Highlight Loc. 757-63 | Added on Thursday, May 07, 2009, 11:11 PM
Narcissists also love to be know-it-alls, which psychologists call “overclaiming.” You say to your know-it-all friend, “Have you heard of jazz great Billy Strayhorn?” or “Do you know Paul Klee’s paintings?” or “Do you know when the Treaty of Versailles was signed?” and the know-it-all says, “Of course.” You might be tempted to ask him, “Have you heard of jazz great Milton Silus?” or “Do you know John Kormat’s paintings?” or “Do you know when the Treaty of Monticello was signed?” to see if he still answers “of course”—even though none of these things actually exists. That’s overclaiming. One study had people answer 150 questions, including thirty made-up items. Narcissists were champion overclaimers—they were so smart they even knew things that didn’t exist.
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- Highlight Loc. 834-36 | Added on Monday, May 11, 2009, 11:08 AM
Within the United States, the ethnic group with the lowest self-esteem, Asian-Americans, achieves the highest academic performance. So the group with “alarmingly low self-esteem” is actually doing the best in school and, in the words of the editorial, doing plenty “to achieve their potential.”
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- Highlight Loc. 837-44 | Added on Monday, May 11, 2009, 11:09 AM
U.S. high school kids have not improved in academic performance over the last 30 years, a time when self-esteem has been actively encouraged and boosted among American children. According to the National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP), 17-year-olds’ math scores have risen slightly, from 304 to 307, but reading scores have stayed completely flat at 285. So, at best, there has been less than a 1% improvement in academic performance. At the same time, high school students’ grades have inflated enormously. While only 18% of students said they earned an A or A-average in 1976, 33% said they were A students in 2006—a whopping 83% increase in self-reported A students. So, we have had less than a 1% improvement in actual learning over 30 years, but an 83% increase in A grades. Apparently, our culture has decided to go with the strategy of boosting the fantasy of success rather than success itself, similar to the amplifiers in the movie Spinal Tap that “go to eleven.”
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- Highlight Loc. 847-58 | Added on Monday, May 11, 2009, 11:12 AM
Psychologist Don Forsyth and his colleagues conducted such an experiment. They were particularly interested in interventions for poor-performing students—those who needed the most help and presumably were the most in need of a self-esteem boost. College students in a psychology class who got D or F grades on the first test were sent an e-mail every week with a practice question from the class. That’s all the control group students saw. Other students, though, got a self-esteem boost along with the practice question. For example, “Past research suggests that when students get back their tests, they tend to lose confidence: they say things like ‘I can’t do this,’ or ‘I’m worthless,’ or ‘I’m not as good as other people in college.’ Other studies suggest, though, that students who have high self-esteem not only get better grades, but they remain self-confident and assured…. Bottom line: Hold your head—and yourself-esteem—high.” What happened was remarkable. The people in the control group who only got practice questions did about the same on the final as they had on the first test. But the performance of the students who got the weekly boost to their self-esteem actually declined. Their average test score went from a 57 (out of 100) on the first test to a 38 on the final. Self-esteem boosting led to failure, not success.
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- Highlight Loc. 879-84 | Added on Monday, May 11, 2009, 11:16 AM
We also want to be clear that we are not arguing against passion for a career and “doing what you love.” There is a big difference between “doing what you love” and “loving yourself.” Being passionate about what you do can actually counter egotism. This is the idea of “flow”—you get so absorbed in what you’re doing that you forget about yourself. People who can do this, and draw joy from doing something they love, are less defensive in the face of criticism, perhaps because they don’t feel the need to defend their ego. As long as your passion doesn’t seriously interfere with your relationships, we are all in favor of passion for your work.
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- Highlight Loc. 972-74 | Added on Monday, May 11, 2009, 12:02 PM
A recent psychiatric study found that the biggest consequences of narcissism—especially when other psychiatric symptoms were held constant—was suffering by people close to them.
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- Highlight Loc. 1240-48 | Added on Monday, May 11, 2009, 02:58 PM
Not that long ago, kids knew who the boss was—and it wasn’t them. It was Mom and Dad. And Mom and Dad weren’t your “friends.” They were your parents. This sea change in parenting is driven by the core cultural value of self-admiration and positive feelings. Parents want their kids’ approval, a reversal of the past ideal of children striving for their parents’ approval. At least in the short term, children love parents who give in to their demands. It doesn’t feel great when you don’t give your child what she wants and she says, “I hate you” (or Keith’s personal favorite, “I just don’t love you as much as I love Mommy”). Until recently, parents considered it their responsibility to deal with these emotional storms by standing their ground. Many of today’s parents instead seek to raise children high in self-admiration and self-esteem, partially because books and articles have touted its importance. Unfortunately, much of what parents think raises self-esteem—such as telling a kid he’s special and giving him what he wants—actually leads to narcissism.
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- Highlight Loc. 1259-64 | Added on Monday, May 11, 2009, 02:59 PM
Parents who want to stick with the older model of child rearing that downplays materialism and emphasizes politeness and discipline are swimming against the cultural tide. If you don’t let your children do something, but every other message that your children hear—from the media, friends, the school, and other parents—tells them it’s OK, your resistance only lasts so long. We know—we’ve been there. Many parents’ resolve has crumbled in the face of permissive norms. Parenting is always a struggle of one sort or another, and these days it’s often the struggle of concerned parents against an overwhelming tide of narcissistic values.
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- Highlight Loc. 1265-73 | Added on Monday, May 11, 2009, 03:01 PM
When a group of 1920s mothers listed the traits they wanted their children to have, they named strict obedience, loyalty to church, and good manners. In 1988, few mothers named these traits; instead, they chose independence and tolerance. A larger nationwide study that traced parental attitudes through 2004 found similar results. It asked, “If you had to choose, which thing on this list would you pick as the most important for a child to learn to prepare him (or her) for life?” The five choices are “to obey,” “to be well-liked or popular,” “to think for himself or herself,” “to work hard,” and “to help others when they need help.” Some things are constant: American parents have always ranked “to think for himself or herself” as the most important. Back in 1958, however, people said that the second most important thing a child could learn was “to obey.” Not anymore. Throughout the 1980s and ’90s, the importance of obedience steadily declined until it was ranked second to last. The ranking of obedience reached an all-time low in 2004, the last year for which data are available.