WHAT EVERY PARENT SHOULD KNOW ABOUT BABY SLEEP
Compiled by Erica Neser, author of Sleep Guide for Babies and Toddlers
DISCLAIMER The information in this brochure is meant as a guideline only and not as a substitute for medical advice. © Erica Neser, 2009
POINTS TO PONDER
Do you regard yourself as “spoilt” if you …
- Sleep in the same bed as your partner?
- Have a few sips of water during the night?
- Wake up if the covers fall off the bed and you become cold?
- Need three meals, two snacks, a cup of tea, three glasses of water and one glass of juice per day? (that’s 10 “feeds!”)
- Need lots of love, affection, hugs and closeness from your loved ones?
No? Then why do people think babies are spoilt for needing the same things…?
FACT # 1
Waking up at night is NORMAL, NECESSARY and to be expected
It would have been great if babies were born with a notice on their forehead which said: “I will start sleeping through when I am three years old.” This way, if yours started sleeping through at one year, you would be terribly pleased. The fact is, babies are NOT supposed to “sleep through.” They are not naughty – they are human.
Around 80% of three month-old babies wake up at night and need help to fall asleep again. At six months, 75% of babies regularly wake up at night and need help to get back to sleep. At one year half of all babies still wake up at night and don’t fall asleep again by themselves.1
A baby’s sleep-wake cycles are different from an adult’s, initially spread out equally between day and night, and then gradually settling into a rhythm of daytime naps and night sleep.2
We should see night waking as a healthy and normal part of child development, rather than a ‘problem’ that needs to be fixed.
FACT # 2
It’s OK to help your baby to fall asleep
Mothers are often warned against nursing their babies to sleep, calling it a ‘negative sleep association,’ but what could be more positive, beautiful and natural than allowing a baby to fall asleep at the breast?
The transition to sleep is more difficult for babies than for adults, because they go into light, active sleep first. Contrary to what many people believe, human babies are not designed to go to sleep without help. It is, in fact, a basic, primitive need for a baby to have physical contact with another person while falling asleep.3
So you can see it is NOT wrong to rock or feed your baby to sleep. It is perfectly natural. Ignore those who tell you that you are spoiling your baby or creating bad habits.
Falling asleep without nursing is a milestone that all babies reach when they are developmentally ready. As your baby’s brain matures, she will eventually be able to fall asleep without help. Just relax for now!
FACT # 3
Safe sleep for babies
To minimise the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), follow these guidelines:
- The safest position for babies to sleep is on their back.
- Use a firm mattress (no pillow).
- Place her with her feet against the foot of the cot, to prevent her from wriggling down under the blankets
- Avoid overheating: keep her room temperature at 18oC. Keep her head uncovered at night. It is normal for hands and feet to feel cool.
- Keep her environment smoke free during pregnancy and after baby’s birth.
- No electric blankets or hot water bottles in baby’s bed, and keep her cot away from heaters and direct sunlight.
- The incidence of SIDS is lowest when baby sleeps in her parents’ room, for the first 6 months.
- Use natural fibre clothing and bedding.
- If baby is unwell, seek advice promptly.
FACT # 4
It’s OK for your baby to sleep in your bed
Human babies have been sleeping with their parents for thousands of years. It is the safest, most natural, convenient and logical place for a baby to sleep. It is estimated that 72% of British parents co-sleep with their babies for at least some time during the first 12 weeks.5
It is only in the past 200 years and mostly in Western societies, that people have started believing that babies should sleep separated from their parents. Most of the sleep problems experienced today are due to insisting that babies sleep alone.
There is plenty of evidence that it is beneficial for babies to sleep with their parents. Mother and baby’s sleep cycles become synchronised, babies cry less, breastfeeding is reinforced, and mothers regulate the temperature without even waking up. It has also been shown that co-sleeping breastfeeding mothers get more sleepin total than bottle-feeding mums and breastfeeding mums sleeping separately from their babies.6
FACT # 5
Avoid ‘sleep training’
The practice of leaving babies to ‘cry it out’ is popular in Western society – but it is usually traumatic for both parents and baby. It may look like this methods works, as far as the parents are concerned, but it may be harmful to the baby in the long run, and is discouraged by many child psychologists.
Babies need to know that we will come when they cry. This is necessary for physical survival and emotional wellbeing, and therefore biologically ‘programmed,’ just as parents are biologically driven to respond to their baby’s cries.
Leaving babies alone to cry can cause them to lose their sense of trust in their parents, and to feel extremely helpless, frightened and anxious. Stress hormones are secreted in huge amounts, which has many physiological implications. Brief comfort, which is withdrawn again almost immediately, doesn’t convince a baby that she is safe.
Sleep training may make parenting more difficult in later years, even into adulthood. There are always better ways of solving sleep problems.
FACT # 6
Giving solids will NOT make her sleep through
There is a lot of pressure on mums, especially from older relatives, to start their baby on solids (such as cereal) to help them sleep. This is an old wives' tale that has been disproved by medical studies. The health risks of giving solids too early, on the other hand, have been studied and proven. And it may even make things worse!
As their digestive and other systems mature, babies are able to go for longer stretches at night without feeding. This is a gradual, biological process that cannot be hurried along.
Four- to five-month old babies often wake frequently at night because they are more alert and want to interact and learn. Giving them solids will not change this neurological and social developmental stage. They are also not very interested in feeding during the day and need to feed more at night. This is normal!
It is recommended that you start feeding your baby solid foods (i.e. anything except milk) at six months of age.
FACT # 7
Avoid scheduling feeds - breastfeed your baby ‘on cue’
Any advice to schedule a baby’s feeding is outdated, incorrect and potentially harmful – it is not based on the true needs of human infants. New research shows us that each mum & baby unit determines its own rhythm, which cannot be prescribed or regulated by the clock. Ignore those who tell you otherwise – they are ill-informed.
Frequent nursing is normal and to be expected in the first few months and beyond - most newborn babies need to be fed 8 - 12 times per day. They need to be fed when showing early feeding cues (don’t wait till they are crying of hunger) and allowed to set their own rhythm.
Breastmilk is so perfect in composition and therefore easily digested, and forcing a baby to wait for long periods between feeds has been shown to be detrimental to both baby and mother. Trying to force a baby into a schedule causes intense frustration for parents and baby. Take it easy and it will gradually fall into place quite naturally!
FACT # 8
Most children eventually learn to sleep well!
Most parents have heard comments like, “If you don’t do XYZ, she will NEVER…” or “…she will ALWAYS…” This is, quite obviously, NOT TRUE.
It seems that children will grow out of most ‘sleep problems’ by three to four years of age by themselves, even if we did everything ‘wrong’ and did nothing to discourage night waking.
Waking up at night in these first few years is considered normal and even healthy. These children are not being naughty or manipulative, they are behaving in ways that are appropriate for human children.
Babies and toddlers generally do not sleep well. The sooner we accept this, the sooner we will stop seeing a wakeful baby as a sign of failure as a parent.
Trust your instincts, do what feels right, be sensible, and keep your sense of perspective – it is a season in your life which will pass.
For information on gentle sleep strategies, visit
FURTHER READING – Gentle Approach
Neser, E. Sleep Guide for Babies and Toddlers. Protea Books, 2006.
Gethin, A & Macgregor, B. Helping your baby to sleep. Finsch, 2007. (ref. 1)
Jackson, Deborah. Three in a bed. Bloomsbury, 1999.
Pantley, E. The no-cry sleep solution. Contemporary Books, 2002. (ref. 2)
Montague, A. Touching. Touching – The Human Significance of Skin.New York: Perennial Library. 1971. (ref. 3)
Solter, A. The aware baby. Shining Star, 1994.
Sears, W. & Sears, M. How to Get Your Baby to Sleep. Little, Brown & Company. 2001.
Kathy Dettwyler, PhD.
research by J. McKenna & Thomas McDade
Kelly Bonyata, BS, IBCLC, (ref. 4)
Examining the Evidence for Cue feeding of Breastfed Infants, Lisa Marasco and Jan Barger
Ball (2003) quoted in Health-e-Learning module BE04 (ref. 5)
Quillin & Glen (2004) quoted in Health-e-Learning module BE04 (ref. 6)
Erica Neser is a mother of three, and author of two books on babies. She is a Breastfeeding Counsellor and Infant Massage Instructor. Contact her on .