Symptoms Associated with Grief

We tend to think of grieving and mourning as an emotional experience. But it is truly a holistic experience, encompassing all of who we are as a human being – emotional, physical, mental (cognition), spiritual and behavioral.

Normal grief, sometimes referred to as “Uncomplicated Grief” (as distinguished from “Complicated Grief” – see below), encompasses a broad range of feelings and behaviors (symptoms) that are common after a loss. Some of these symptoms are experienced by most grieving people.

“Complicated Grief” occurs when a bereaved person does not grieve “normally,” sometimes referred to as a failure to grieve. S/he might get “stuck” at one point in the mourning process, such being unable to admit or accept the death of the deceased. There are many factors that contribute to complicated grief. Such a mourner may require the help of a trained professional, and may be beyond your ability to companion him/her.

Important: If you suspect this is happening with your Partner, please contact your Grief Companion® Coordinator immediately to alert him/her of the situation.

J. William Worden, PhD, in his book Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, Third Edition (Springer Publishing Company), places normal grief behaviors in four general categories: feelings, physical sensations, cognitions, and behaviors

  1. Feelings (emotions)
  • Sadness – may be expressed with or without tears; it may look like depression but usually is not unless the bereaved’s level of self-esteem is affected
  • Anger – may be directed towards anyone, which may include the bereaved, herself, God and you, the Grief Companion, and may result from a number of reasons; it can be one of the most confusing feelings a mourner may experience
  • Guilt or Self-Reproach – for many reasons, such as “I could/should have prevented the death”
  • Anxiety – can range form a light sense of insecurity to a strong panic attack
  • Loneliness – missing the bereaved
  • Fatigue – listlessness, apathy
  • Helplessness – powerlessness
  • Shock – occurs most often in the case of a sudden or unexpected death and is typically the first emotion experienced after the loss; may last for weeks or months in a milder form
  • Yearning – “pining” for the deceased, may repeatedly call her/his name
  • Emancipation – a sense of freedom; may be a positive feeling; may be accompanied by guilt
  • Relief – usually experienced after a protracted terminal illness; may be accompanied by guilt
  • Numbness – a “lack of feeling” often felt early in the grieving process
  1. Physical (physiological) sensations
  • Hollowness or emptiness in the stomach
  • Tightness in the chest
  • A sense of not being able to breathe or shortness of breath
  • Tightness in the throat
  • Oversensitivity to noise
  • A sense of depersonalization or “unrealness”
  • Weakness in the muscles
  • Lack of energy
  • Dry mouth
  1. Cognitions – thoughts (and patterns of thoughts) can trigger feelings
  • Disbelief – often the first to appear upon hearing of the death of a loved one, especially if it is sudden and/or unexpected
  • Confusion – very often in the beginning; can experience not being able to get thoughts in order, difficulty concentrating, forgetful
  • Preoccupation – very often in the beginning; obsessive thoughts about the deceased
  • Sense of Presence – the cognitive counterpart to the emotion of yearning. Some report visual and/or auditory experiences or vivid dreams of the deceased, which may be beneficial and calming. These are considered by some to be examples of the phenomenon called After Death Communication (ADC), where the deceased is present in some way to help the bereaved.
  • Spiritual or Religious Beliefs – may be strengthened or weakened; might be helpful or used as an avoidance mechanism
  1. Behaviors
  • Sleep Disturbances – especially in early experience of grief; usually sleep patterns return to normal over time (if not it could be an indication of something more serious occurring and the need of professional or medical care)
  • Appetite Disturbances – mostly loss of appetite or under-eating, especially in the beginning; can also be over-eating
  • Social Withdrawal – especially in the beginning; loss of interest in the outside world; withdrawal from support network (if this persists it can deter friends and family from offering needed support)
  • Dreams of the Deceased – can be comforting or distressing
  • Avoiding Reminders of the Deceased – avoiding places or things that trigger painful feelings of grief;
  • Searching or Calling Out – akin to yearning; sometimes expect the deceased to walk through the door, etc.
  • Sighing – correlated with shortness of breath; can indicate feelings being experienced but not expressed
  • Restless Overactivity – hyperactivity; not wanting to be still; can be an indication of anxiety or avoidance; can be a coping strategy
  • Visiting Places – that remind the bereaved of the deceased, such as a favorite restaurant or visiting the gravesite
  • “Linking Objects” – carrying or wearing objects that remind the bereaved of the deceased or belonged to the deceased

This information is presented to you to simply be aware of, not to “use” in any way, while you are with your partner. It is intended to help you be more present for, understanding and accepting of your partner’s grief experience.

Remember, each person grieves in his/her own way, at her/his own time, and for her/his own duration. Two (or more) people with the same loss will grieve very differently. You are there to be a safe harbor, a place where s/he can speak whatever is needed, and know s/he will be heard and understood.

Reflections:

(Please write your responses in the space following each question.)

These are designed to help you relate the material to your own grief work and how it might affect you as a Companion.

  1. Choose 2 symptoms that you have experienced during your grief journey and write a short paragraph on each.
  1. What 2 symptoms have you noticed in others who were grieving (family, friends, etc.), and how did you respond to them at the time?
  1. Any questions or comments on this article?

When you are finished, SAVE this file and attach it to an email message to the Grief Companion Coordinator – Merry .

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