DAY FOUR – What do we want?
Why do we want what we want?
Good morning. How are you today? How was yesterday’s exercise? Are you forming new habits? Did you try them out already?
What is it that you really want? How do you want to look in 30 days, in six months? How much money do you want to have? What kind of possessions would make you happy? And why?
A friend of mine feels miserable because he doesn’t have any money. He wants to have money and believes that with money all of a sudden life will be great. He is convinced that if he cannot afford to support a girlfriend he will not be able to find one.
We all desire something or someone and think life will change from that moment on. But what are we doing in the meantime?
According to Aurelius Augustinus men are always longing for something.
Buddha states that the root of all human suffering lies in his wanting and craving.
We live with a constant yearning for success, for power, for food, for a friend, for somebody who loves us, for be-longings. Yes be-longings. We long for something in order to be. We want to be happy, be in love, be wealthy, be rich, be attractive. In essence we are craving for a feeling. The feeling we think we will have when we acquire something or somebody.
But why? We want to be accepted and be loved. We think we will be accepted when we are admired. But do we really have to be admired in order to be accepted? Do we really have to be admired in order to be loved?
My friend is striving for money, because with money he thinks he will be admired and that will lead to acceptance or self-acceptance. Only then will he be able to attract the girl he longs to have. He makes acceptance the basis of being able to be loved.
In other words it is not really the money itself, or the right girl for that matter he strives for;what he is really looking for is that beautiful feeling he believes he will obtain therewith. He just does not see that and runs around within his own “circle of truth” until he departs from us or until he learns that the real truth lies somewhere else. “The truth will set you free” that is what Jesus teaches us and he knows.
What we really want is what we associate with those be-longings. We want to feel good. It is the feeling we want, the feeling we need.
The real problem is, if we suppress our longing, our need for love and acceptance, we will end up in addiction, obsession, craving or dependence.
Wouldn’t it be great if my friend could experience the feelings he is striving for without the means of money?
See, I know that that is possible. Why? Because I have seen it thousands of times! You have seen it. You have felt it also.
Sometimes we are down, sometimes we live in bliss. Haven’t you had times when you felt absolutely happy and radiant? I bet you have. What happened there? What changed?
Look at so many celebrities; don’t they have everything they asked for? Good looks, fame, success, plenty of money, beautiful spouses and yet a shocking high percentage end up in drugs! Many even die prematurely by their own intention or as a side effect.
What about thousands of teenagers with very wealthy parents. Why do so many end up in drugs, alcohol, or eating excesses? Because it is their way of dealing with the longing of love! By using cocaine and they feel better instantaneously. Others work and work and work, because that keeps them away from the “real world”; others eat and eat, others drink, others get violent. We all created certain habits and they work for us for the moment. But is it really beneficial? What is the cost? I think the price they pay is way too high.
Let’s do a little exercise. Please do me the favor and really participate in all the exercises. Don’t just read through the text. Each exercise and assignment is specifically designed to have a lasting imprint in your subconscious mind. In other words it is truly important to feel and experience our little workouts. Ready?
Ok, please sit down, close your eyes, and get depressed. Yes, I mean it, just for a few moments. Just try to feel very unhappy and sick and tired of everything. Feel the overwhelming burden on your shoulders. What a heavy load. Why am I having such a bad life? I feel helpless. I am not loved. Yes, get in that mood, please. Thank you. I give you three minutes. Please stop reading and do the exercise. Feel very sad, depressed, yes very depressed.
Break
Now, how was your body posture?Your lips? Your breathing? Your shoulders? How did you feel?
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Funny, everyonewho is depressed or very sad has the same body posture and facial expression.
Let me ask you a question: What comes first, the thought of being depressed or the bodily sensation? Or do they occur at the same time?
Now let’s do part two of our workout. Please stand up, jump a little to get out of the depressive mode, make really fast movements with your hands and arms, faster, a little faster. Good. Please remain standing and take a few deep, very deep breaths.
Ready?
Please bring your shoulders back, put your chin up, take a few deep breaths, look up in the sky and smile. Please have a huge grin on your face for three minutes, yes, three entire minutes, just standing there with a big happy smile. Grin as big as you can; still looking in the sky. Don’t alter your posture; everything remains the same, even your big grin.
At the same time please attempt to become depressed. But don’t change your posture. Keep on smiling. Try to get sad, come on, you can do it. Try to get sad, try it harder but don’t change anything, don’t change your smile, keep on grinning, shoulders back, looking into the sky, everything has to stay the same. Really try to get depressed. Ready? Go!
Break
I know it does not work and it never will. We cannot be out of synch with our body.
Wouldn’t it be great to change certain eating habits using our body and not our mind? Wouldn’t it be great to resist your cravings without having aconstant committee in our mind? Should I eat it or not, I know I should not, but it is so good, just a little or maybe a little more, why not, who cares it is right in front of me. Ok tonight is the last time, tomorrow I will not eat that stuff any more. And on it goes. Our mind is very difficult to handle. We can resist for a month or two but somehow we let ourselves down again.
Ok, so far we understand that we can use our body to change our state of mind. Whenever the cocaine user doesn’t feel good, he takes some cocaine and feels almost instantly better. It is a bodily sensation derived from his nervous system. Overeating is based on the same concept. If you indulge in candy for example you get an instant reward which comes from your sugar level. The body gets what it wants and we immediately feel good. At least initially! Later your mind kicks in again telling you that giving in the temptation was not good. Even your body becomes aware of your overeating and feels horrible.
That is how the body controls the outcome for the better or the worse. Any active change of your physical body triggers an immediate change in the way you feel. Why not using this knowledge to your advantage? Instead of being controlled by your habits, be in control by using your body to create better habits.
Many people scratch their ear, arrange their socks, or touch their hair when they feel incompetent or nervous. Those are subconscious habits. We can also findconscious habits, like a tennis player bouncing the ball a certain number of times before he serves. Or golf players taking one, two, or three practice swings and visualize the flight of their ball. Boxers pump themselves up by hitting their chests and rocking their head. Same applies to baseball players, football players, basketball players, and swimmers. Every professional sports man or woman puts him or herself in a state to perform their best. Public speakers look at the audience or arrange papers or glasses, or pump themselves up. Girls or guys arrange their posture to be more attractive towards the opposite sex. There are countless examples and all the conscious habits have been learned at some point in time for the better or the worse.
Now is the time to work on a few of those habits and use them to get closer to our goal. Do you want to lose weight and stay that way for the rest of your life? Do you want to have fun in the process? Let’s do it. You guessed right it is exercise time again.
Let’s get up and jump around for a few seconds. Yes, you It might look silly, but that shouldn’t be of your concern. I bet you did not think that way as you were a child. Ok, just to loosen up your body. Shake you hands, arm, legs.
Now clap your hands. Very fast, yes faster and faster, as fast as you can. Every time you bring your arms up, form your lips to a smile. Children can do it really fast, because they are not inhibited. Don’t limit yourself, be free like a child.
How do you feel? I bet you feel much better. Isn’t that amazing, just by moving very rapidly we change our mood very drastically. And all that without thinking! That is much easier than trying to think positive.
Next little exercise:
Please walk and feel extremely confident. Imagine walking in front of a large crowd and feeling self assured, confident, attractive, and full of positive energy. See the way you walk? How is you posture? Try it. You’ve got to feel it, feeling good, feeling great and admired. Isn’t that a great feeling? How is your facial expression? How are you dressed? I bet you look stunning.
How did it feel? And how did you feel an hour ago, even a few moments ago?
Next time you feel down or sad, next time you feel heavy, do this exercise. Jump around and be like a child again, get inhibitions out of your system. Put your body in a vibrant state. You will see it is easier than you think. When you come home from sports or any sort of physical activity, your body will not ask you to put food into the system. It will ask you for water. Lots of water!
Can you see how fast you can change or alter your state of being? From being happy to being unhappy or from being unhappy to being happy! Simply by using your body! Pretty amazing isn’t it? But that is only the beginning.
How did you feel before you started this program and how do you feel now after only a few hours and many words?
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Road Map
Here is our assignment for today.
- I want you to do a little exercise with a friend. I learned this powerful game many years ago at a seminar. Tell your friend something you are very passionate about. Like your favorite moment in your life, your passion, or as you fell in love for the first time.
Your friend should look away, read a newspaper, or arrange her or his shoes. The purpose is that your friend needs to attempt NOT to listen. No eye contact, just plain utter disinterest. This revealing exercise works only with a second person. Please do not attempt to try your assignment alone. It will not work and you will miss the point.
Afterwards please record your feeling, your passion, your enthusiasm.
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How would you describe your posture? What did your hands do, how did you sit, etc.?
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- Now tell your friend the same passionate story. Be very excited and enthusiastic. Share your story with your friend. Only this time your friend is totally in synch with you. She listens actively and is happy for you, a real giver.
Ready?
How was your experience this time? How did you feel?
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How about your body, your eyes, your hands, your mouth?
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3. Which of these habits or gestures can you use as a trigger? Please really think about it. Was it the way you were sitting (maybe leaning forward), the spark in your eyes, or the movement of your hands?
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Try to practice whatever you learned in number 3. Whenever you feel down or bored, use those one or two triggers to put you in a better state. Jump around if you wish. Yes, I know at times it seems rather hard, but please try it for a few days, maybe 15 days or so. Every time you have a craving or feel you can’t stop eating, use your new trigger and see how it works. Let your body speak and record your success in your “Road Map”.
I wish you the best of luck. Soon those triggers will become a habit and you don’t even have to think about them any longer. Discipline or willpower will not be needed any longer to refrain from certain non-beneficial traits. Constant thinking like “should I or should I not” will not be necessary. Can you see how freeing that can be? It will take time and practice. Repeating the same things again and again will make you a master. Go for it and have lots of fun in the process. Until tomorrow and be good,
Stefan
DAY FIVE –Take Control
Good morning. How did it go yesterday? Did you do your homework?
In case you did not, please be so kind and don’t read any further. Please reread our last episode and I beg you to please do your assignments. In the beginning I told you that we are progressing step by step and sometimes those assignments and exercises seem unnecessary or foolish. Believe me they aren’t. I urge you to try it out.
By the way, this concept works. All you need to do is to follow through with the process and have the desire to lose all those excessive pounds.
In the event you did your homework I must congratulate you. Most people participating in home courses don’t even make it to Day five. They fall back into their old habits.
You are different, you mean it, you are committed. You have integrity. Very good, be proud of yourself. Since you are still here with me I know you will manage to lose weight permanently. Congratulations.
So far we learned that with our facial expression, posture, breathing, certain movements and such we are able to change the way we feel very rapidly.
By taking a deep breath we relax and feel more balanced. By rapid movements we will feel energized. Dancing, walking, smiling, grinning, jumping, or sitting upright are just a few examples to feel an immediate change of state.
At any moment in time you can make use of that knowledge and become the driver of your vehicle to happiness.
There was a very interesting study done in Japan using two glass jars filled with rice. On one was written “Thank You” (of course in Japanese) so that the rice could “read” it and on the other “You Idiot”. After a few months the “You Idiot” rice was black and rotten, whereas the “Thank You” rice was fermenting nicely and smelled delicious. You find that hard to believe? Probably, but it is true!
A further study has been done with a third glass jar. This jar was totally ignored and went bad even before the “You Idiot” rice. Pretty amazing!
There are countless other unbelievable studies documented by Dr. Emoto in his books (The hidden messages in Water, The power of Water, The healing power of Water). He photographed crystals in water and by prayer, music, or language those crystals transformed for the better or the worse.
The reason why I am writing this is, that we influence ourselves by the way we think. Water is the main ingredient in rice. Water is the main ingredient of a human brain with approximately 70%. If water, rice or plants are influenced by the way of “language”, imagine how we get influenced by our own language? What do you think of yourself? What happened as you were scolded from your parent or teacher? How were you treated? How do you treat yourself?
Did you do the little exercise with your friend? If not, you really should do it now and you will feel what I mean. We don’t have to understand it but we certainly feel it. Was the first talk completely disempowering?Did you feel unimportant? How did you feel? Did it possibly remind you of your childhood?
What about the second one? What a difference! Did it remind you of your childhood also? Didn’t you have great times with your friends or parents, full of joy and play?