Handling the Balance

Handling the Balance

We have contracted with Brandman U for this credit because they wisely allow learners to do practicum hours as well as contact hours. For this program we meet for 6 hours. And 9 practicum hours are due. The following activities are approved (with the estimated time in parenthesis). Submit your work to mga@michaelgrinder or mail to 16303 NE 259th St., Battle Ground, WA 98604 by December 1, 2013. Use the following as a cover page:

Name:______

Email address: ______

The items below are attached:

__ 1. Interviews (length of time was:____)

__ 2. Plan of action based on Holmes survey (length of time was:____)

__ 3. Tracking split focus over 3 days; can be done twice (length of time was:____)

__ 4. Worry time for 5 minutes a day (length of time was:____)

__ 5. Paper on job’s focus and how you compensate (length of time was:____)

__ 6. Practice low breathing daily for 10 minutes over 3-5 days (length of time was:____)

__ 7. Delivering negative news with 2-point; can be repeated up to 3 times (length of time was:____)

__ 8. Tracking your exercise for a week; can be repeated up to 3 times (length of time was:____)

__ 9. Description of doing things that bring you joy (length of time was:____)

__ 10. Positive self-talk (length of time was:____)

__ 11. Rehearsing holding a past event in an associated vs. dissociated state (length of time was:____)

__ 12. Decontaminating negative from positive (length of time was:____)

__ 13. Writing a letter to yourself (length of time was:____)

Interview two people:

(between 30-90 minutes)

This paper is based on the “Emotional Intelligence” study done on tracking 5 year olds who were seated in front of a marshmallow and told, “I am going to leave the room, and when I come back, if you haven’t eaten the marshmallow, you get another one.” Those who delayed immediate self-gratification achieved more than those who ate the marshmallow.

Initials of one person who tends to set and achieve goals: ______

Write their recollection of examples from childhood, adolescence, early adult and adulthood when they did or didn’t do delayed immediate gratification.

Initials of one person who tends not to set and doesn’t achieve goals: ______

Write their recollection of examples from childhood, adolescence, early adult and adulthood when they did or didn’t do delayed immediate gratification.

What were the differences between the two people:

What insights have you learned about yourself?

Reactions to Thomas Holmes

(30 minutes)

My name:

Which of your impressions were confirmed by this survey?

What surprised you?

What was something you learned from this survey?

Based on this survey, write a plan of action:

3. Split Focus

(30-45 minutes)

Track three times over the course of 3 days where you split your focus.

Dates of tracking:

1. Date and approximate time of split focus:

Describe what you were doing:

Describe what you were thinking:

Length of time before you realized that you were splitting your focus? ______

What you did to be more effective (specifically mention how you occupied your inner voice by externally describing what you were doing):

2. Date and approximate time of split focus:

Describe what you were doing:

Describe what you were thinking:

Length of time before you realized that you were splitting your focus? ______

What you did to be more effective (specifically mention how you occupied your inner voice by externally describing what you were doing):

3. Date and approximate time of split focus:

Describe what you were doing:

Describe what you were thinking:

Length of time before you realized that you were splitting your focus? ______

What you did to be more effective (specifically mention how you occupied your inner voice by externally describing what you were doing):

Mention how this strategy is different then what you normally do.

Worry Time

(30-45 minutes)

If you have had an issue that you think about at least 15 times a day—consider doing the “5 minutes a day to worry.” The issue that is ideal for this technique is one where you have done anyaction you can and are still anxious. Worry is like a rocking chair – there is a lot of movement but no change. The key to worrying 5 minutes a day is to only do downside worry…which means you avoid doing “yes but….”

In completing this form – to protect your privacy you may use codes/initials/abbreviation

Issue:

Estimate how long this has been a worry (e.g., days/weeks)______

Estimate how many times per day you have thought about this issue in the last several days: ______(per day)

1st Date of 5 minute worry: ______; approximate time when you planned on worrying: ______a.m. or p.m.

Actual time you worried: ______a.m. or p.m.; length of worry:_____ minutes.

Write down all your downside worries:

How many times did you have the urge to do “…yes, but…”: ______How did you immediately refocus yourself:

After the worry session – each time you start to worry outside the worry session – remind yourself to “WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT SCHEDULED TIME” – describe how often you had to do this and how you did this:

2nd Date of 5 minute worry: ______; approximate time when you planned on worrying: ______a.m. or p.m.

Actual time you worried: ______a.m. or p.m.; length of worry:_____ minutes.

Look at your previous worry list – add any new items here:

How many times did you have the urge to do “…yes, but…”: ______

How did you immediately refocus yourself:

3rd Date of 5 minute worry: ______; approximate time when you planned on worrying: ______a.m. or p.m.

Actual time you worried: ______a.m. or p.m.; length of worry:_____ minutes.

Look at your previous worry lists – add any new items here:

Are you beginning to be bored during the 5 minutes? Keep your commitment to the full 5 minutes. Describe any boredom and how you handled it:

How many times did you have the urge to do “…yes, but…”: ______

How did you immediately refocus yourself:

Write a one-page paper on what you are learning about:

The nature of worry

How “”yes, but…” interferes with the process

How you handled the time commitments

If your outside-worry-time was more comfortable

5. Job and Compensation

There are three kinds of jobs:

___ People-oriented

___ Ideas-oriented

___ Working with your hands-oriented

Write in the dashes before the three kinds of jobs what percentage you do of each. You might consider doing this worksheet more than once. For example, you could compare your current job with previous job or your job at work vs. your responsibilities at home.

Statistically, working with people is more stressful than working with your hands…other people’s facial expressions and voice patterns can activate previous “other-than-positive” memories – whereas, working with a hammer wouldn’t.

Describe what you do away from responsibilities to compensate for stress.

Mention what percentage of the compensation is people-oriented, ideas-oriented, and hands-oriented.

Mention the benefits of your compensation. One of the ways to do this is to describe what happens at work when you don’t compensate.

Based on what you have learned about the kinds of jobs and how important compensation is, what would be a realistic plan for you for the next 3 months?

6. Breathing

(40-90 minutes)

Low breathing keeps us relaxed. High breathing is the Darth Vader of our anatomy. Most people find it easier to physically monitor the location of their breathing instead of trying to do it mentally (e.g., saying to yourself, “Am I breathing low enough?”)

An easy way of physically monitoring if you are breathing low enough is to have one or both forearms parallel to the ground so that your wrist is touching your diaphragm area. Is your abdomen moving in and out? Suggestion: use your non-dominant arm – this will allow you to gesture with your dominant arm. It is best to practice this bio-feedback technique before you actually need it in reality. Even 2 sets of 3 minutes a day develop a habit.

Practice

Date:______Approximate time of practicing: ____ a.m. or p.m.

Length of practice: ____ minutes.

Describe of setting how you practiced (e.g., wrist resting on diaphragm) and where you practiced (environment, people, etc.):

Date:______Approximate time of practicing: ____ a.m. or p.m.

Length of practice: ____ minutes.

Describe of setting how you practiced (e.g., wrist resting on diaphragm) and where you practiced (environment, people, etc.):

Date:______Approximate time of practicing: ____ a.m. or p.m.

Length of practice: ____ minutes.

Describe of setting how you practiced (e.g., wrist resting on diaphragm) and where you practiced (environment, people, etc.):

Date:______Approximate time of practicing: ____ a.m. or p.m.

Length of practice: ____ minutes.

Describe of setting how you practiced (e.g., wrist resting on diaphragm) and where you practiced (environment, people, etc.):

Reality

Date of a situation where it was helpful to breathe low: ____ Describe the following: setting, how did you remember to physically monitor your breathing, and benefits.

7. Delivering Volatile News

(45-90 minutes)

Eye contact is over used in communication; females are especially trained to maintain eye contract. The non-verbal term for eye contact communication is 2-point communication. A 3-pointcommunication is when two parties are looking at a visual display of information (think: whiteboard, power point, a paper).

The rule of thumb is to use 2-point when delivering positive information and use the 3-point for volatile information. While there are some exceptions to this rule, in general, both the sender and receiver of volatile information have an easier time breathing when the 3-point style is used.

Least Recommended

Explain an example (past or present) where volatile information was delivered with the 2-point style; make sure you explain if you were the sender or the receiver, and how the breathing was for all parties:

Explain an example (past or present) where positive information was delivered with the 3-point style; make sure you explain if you were the sender or the receiver, and how the breathing was for all parties:

Recommended

Explain an example (past or present) where volatile information was delivered with the 3-point style; make sure you explain if you were the sender or the receiver and how the breathing was for all parties:

Explain an example (past or present) where positive information was delivered with the 2-point style; make sure you explain if you were the sender or the receiver and how the breathing was for all parties:

Write a paper explaining what you have learned as a both a sender and a receiver, how your breathing was affected, and the relationship with 2-point and 3-point communication.

8. The Role of Exercise

(30-60 minutes a week maximum; 3 weeks allowed)

Research shows that getting good sleep and eating right will maintain levels of energy. The only ingredient that increases energy is exercise. Be sensible: make sure you increase your exercise appropriately and stabilize at a certain plateau before attempting to increase again. This worksheet is for people increasing their exercise level…it is not for people reporting on their current exercise level. This worksheet can be used weekly for three weeks.

Week of: ______

Description of when you did, what you did and length of time involved:

Week of: ______

Description of when you did, what you did and length of time involved:

Week of: ______

Description of when you did, what you did and length of time involved:

Write a paper reporting whether you might have been more tired initially but by the third week you experienced more energy. Mention any change in self-image. Especially comment on how you had to negotiate with yourself and others to exercise.

9. Things that Keep You Calm

(30-45 minutes)

We live in a world that is fast-paced with high stimulation. Having routines and activities that keep us singularly focused that can calm us will assist us with balancing our lives.

List 3-5 activities that absorb you so much that you are very present while doing them:

1st Activity:

What about this activity keeps you focused:

2nd Activity:

What about this activity keeps you focused:

3rd Activity:

What about this activity keeps you focused:

4th Activity:

What about this activity keeps you focused:

Reflect if there is any pattern or theme to the activities

Environment (indoors vs. outdoors),

Time of year/week/day),

Sequence (e.g., I have to do…before I can do the activities),

People vs. alone (what are the human conditions for these activities to take place?),

Time or money conditions, others:

Write your plan for the next 3-5 weeks of incorporating either these activities or the patterns/themes that these activities provide.

10. The Importance of Self-talk

(30-45 minutes)

In drivers’ education 16 year olds are trained on safety techniques. One safety tip is to know how to handle on-coming traffic when driving at night in rural areas. There is a white stripe painted on the side of road. The rule is: to avoid looking at the on-coming headlines and drifting into the opposite lane…instead look at the white stripe. Your body will be drawn to where your eyes are focused.

This principle is also true for your internal self-talk – what you say to yourself tends to be what you will do. There are three keys words that tend to produce behaviors we didn’t want:

Stop e.g., “Stop worrying about…”

Quit e.g., “Quit being so upset about…”

…not e.g., “Don’t be nervous…”

The unconscious mind is literal – it skips to the words that follow “stop,” “quit,” and “…not.” Notice what your mind does when you say to yourself, “Don’t think of blue.” - What color do you think of? Here is how our unconscious mind interprets the above sentences:

“Stop worrying about…” = worrying

“Quit being so upset about…” = be upset

“Don’t be nervous…” = be nervous

To gain the cooperation of our brain we want to “say what we mean.” For example, the above sentences could be restated…

“Stop worrying about…”= worryingstay calm

“Quit being so upset about…”= be upsetrelax / breathe

“Don’t be nervous…”= be nervousyou will be fine

For this coming week write out negative self-talk, recognize the literal translation and restate it in the positive

Date / Negative self-talk / Literal Translation / Restated in positive

Write a short paper describing the effect of positive self-talk on your attitude and behaviors.

11. Associated vs. Dissociated Memory

(30-45 minutes)

There are several ways to experience life and to hold the memories of those experiences. One way to recall memories is to be fully in your body – being associated. You can also be removed from your body – being dissociated.

When we experience associated we are aware of sensations of what we see, hear, smell, taste, and how we feel. When experience is positive this is the best way to enjoy the moment. When I have a great meal at a restaurant I love being silent – although I am accused of making low primal sounds as I savor my food. We can even increase the vividness of the moment by closing down one sensory channel to concentrate on another. For example when we get a massage we often find that closing our eyes increases the tactile sensation.

If we are associated, we are seeing out of our eye sockets – we might be able to see parts of our body, like our hands, but we can’t see our face.

When we experience something dissociated, we remove our self from the moment. When the experience is negative being dissociated might be a great way to get beyond the moment. We do this by distracting ourselves or overloading one or more senses. Thinking of something while in the dentist chair is a favorite strategy. My mother gave me strong cologne to celebrate my first child’s birth…I found the gift strange and asked her why. She wisely said, “Put a dab just under your nose before changing diapers….”

If we are dissociated, we are looking at the scene from outside our body…it is like there is a camera somewhere in the setting feeding us the view…the view includes our body back then.

Understanding the differences between associated and dissociated is such a great resource. We have two choices on how to hold a given memory. Changing a held memory from associated to dissociated or from dissociated to associated changes how we NOW experience the memory. Here are the steps to give yourself this choice.