Dear Tante Ann

Dear Tante Ann and all who received her letter of July 24,
I will continue to call you suchoutof respect and love of my uncle for you. He would not be pleased if I should be disrespectful towards you.
I was flabbergasted by your letter.

The reason I take the courage to reply to it is the fact that you said that you worry about the grandchildren: I do too; not only for them but for the whole family. If you had talked to us on a one on one basis I would have done the same. But when you start involving others I do believe I do have a right and duty to do the same.
I do so as a daughter of my father and a granddaughter of my deceased beloved Grootvader and Grootmoeder who so much prayed for the family. The Grandchildren that you involved in this conversation have at least the right to have somebody defending their grandfather and the children their father so that the balance is evened out.
With all respect possible I must say that you are the first one that I have seen that takes pride in bringing your husband, my uncle, in the dirt after his death. What reward is there in blaming the dead? Isn't that the Lord's? If you say that the children and grandchildren can draw the bloodline of Jesus over the sins of their fathers, how are you blessing your grandchildren by bringing it up again, as you say, the sins of the family? (Although in this case I believe you are blaming righteous men).
You seem to know a lot about abuse, when you suggest that my grandfather, your father-in-law, and my uncle Jan and my dad, your brothers in law, had homosexual relationships: but what seems to lack in these accusations is common sense. Homosexuals do not delight in viewing heterosexual relationships on film for example, nor do these man delight in heterosexual relationships. They normally abhor the opposite sex relationships and they would abuse boys, not girls!
I do believe my family is guilty, but of a different sin than you accuse them of. What they are ‘guilty’ of in this case is of disregarding evil and trusting that good will come out of all circumstances and leaving thejudgment to the Lord, and of that they are ‘VERY guilty’. If I just go over all the people I have talked to in these years about you all,I always heard how kind and loving he, Oom Leo, was towards you and how you responded to that love. My question to you is: did you say you would commit suicide if he did not pay the right attention to you?
What I remember of your family is how we as a family in Brazil saved up for about a year to come and visit you all. First we would visit Oom Jan and Tante Ann in Surinameand then we would come to see you all, and then how we roamed Canada after we heard we were not welcome in your home, because you would not be able to handle it. There were no complaints or upset words from anyone except sadness in our parents and oom Leo's eyes that one afternoon we visited. I will never forget that. Up to this last week I did not know about the violent attacks of you against Oom Leo even in front of the extended family to the point of using a kitchen knife… I will not mention any more of what I heard as I am too disgusted by it all. I wish I could believe this was not true but as you know: by the kind of fruit the tree bears I will be able to recognize the type of person each of us is. Your letter, even if ALL were true is no good fruit, and Cathie’s actions seem a repetition of your behavior, which gives me even more fuel to believe my information is right because I also know the fruits of the others you are accusing: they are sweet and nourishing through and through. One thing I can say: I am amazed at your wit, imagination and intelligence. I pray you will use it for the good…

If I start from the well established premise that “evil people are always evil unless they have something personal to gain in this situation” it will have to follow that this should be the case in our family. But what I can tell you from experience of about fifty years of living and interacting with my parents, uncles and grandparents I can assure you with certainty that we have a lot of saints in our family. Not perfect people, because this is not possible here on earth, but they are the same IN and OUT of the house. I never think or would have thought of them as‘hypocrites’! Never, ever!

Of my father and Grandfather I can tell you that they were and are loved by all who knew or know them. I myself loved to go on walks with both Grootvader and my father sometimes for hours alone to talk and pray. I traveled with my Dad to churches where he preached to help him to change tires because his back was always in such bad shape, and I can assure you that nothing of the kind EVER happened. We still love to go on walks and talk. I can assure you of that, and I know that all my brothers and sisters can attest to the same.

In this atmosphere of peace nothing was hidden from us children except evil and as such maligning of any kind was strictly forbidden. I know this was also so for tante Alie's family and Oom Jan's: I have lived with many places in different countries and most people love to tell a little gossip about one or the other. But not so with the Schalkwijk's... They lived what they believed, Grootvader Schalkwijk and Grootmoeder being the biggest and best example for all. Again, not perfect but aiming at the goal of serving God with all their heart. And that's what they believed you, Anneke Brandenburg wanted too. That's how they gave their blessing over your marriage.
Now, I know that education counts. You may have had an education where the custom was to “try to make all look ugly so I would look better.” But I happen to believe that is not the case. I do believe your father was a wise man. I happen also to believe even your desire was sincere.
Just a week ago I was reviewing some family albums. I saw pictures of our girls, trying to press their head as close a possible to their Grootvader’s shoulder with a huge and satisfied smile as he was reading to them, children going on walks, and hugging grandfather. At this point Isuddenly realized what might very well have happened: For families who are physically distant from one another or where there has been abuse by a family member or an outsider,a hug might look as abuse… It could even happen that a child who was abused beforehand and came in contact with one of these godly men could very well interpret this physical closeness as abuse… We all know that this is how the devil works: he distorts the beautiful things on earth and throws them in the mud, especially with love and all that is related to it because it is the strongest feeling on earth, as it overpowers even hate. What we all can attest to you is that love and peace were and are always in the air when their grandparents are around; never ever was or is there fear.

What amazes me is that this letter was written one day after my father prayerfully, went with John Vanderkruk to see your daughter Cathy because of a similar situation. They told her that if she didn’t repent she was not welcome at our family reunion. (Just as a reminder: last week I counted at least four family reunions where your family was specifically invited: I saw pictures of Cathie and Arne, Rita and was reminded again of the fact that she, Cathie upto this point was always welcome… and will be again if she repents!)

As we found out from our parents, you have written a letter to them asking for forgiveness; not only for the accusations but for things you made Oom Leo say (under threatening conditions?).Now you bring it up again as a revenge for Cathie? Is this the way to defend a daughter? Arne is not perfect but he is in dire need of a break of an all overpowering, commanding and maligning wife to the point of handcuffs and official investigations. I never forget Arne’s remark: “I do not know if I should leave, as I am finally starting to feel a bit safe here in Bainbridge… the police investigated me so many times and always finding me innocent.”
That's why Kathy cannot understand that we do not want her at the family reunion: she doesn't show repentance of her ways and you know what the Lord says about a Christian who lives in sin. We just went through it with our daughter Adriana. Sin needs to be confronted and forgiven. I can tell you: what Joy we feel to know that both she and her dear husband Matt want to serve the Lord and as such have given their first step as forgiven sinners again. But there has been the need for openness and crying together on our knees and that has not been done either in your nor in Kathie's case and you should be the first one to encourage that instead of bringinghalf or no truth's out of the old dump of forgiven sins whatever they may be.
Robert and Jonathan are growing up as two of the loveliest of boys and I can tell you: they deserve all the help they can at this time. You could not have a better son in law than you have in Arne, but you have to trust his decisions. You should only endorse him against Kathy (and maybe confess your sins to her so you can help her in the recovery process…) at this point till she shows repentance and change, and not to support her in her lies and maligning. And that not only for a day or two but for at least a year! Your other dear grandchildren also deserve your love and not muck. Because believe me: you cannot talk bad about your late husband and not affect them and not hurt yourself. And you are the only one that can change that. The Lord is just as you say and HIS judgments will come on all of us. You do not need to do that, remember? It will be more proof of your sincerity and God's power if you, not doing anything, will be able to see God acting.

I do pray that this letter in a weird and strange way may still be a blessing for us all especially for Cathie, Arne and the boys, and that healing can start soon. But surgery is the only option for that: only excision of the tumor of maligning and threatening through the confession of sinsfollowed afterwards by the radiation therapy of the Holy Spirit through the obedience to HIS Wordthis can come to pass. The gown of repentance does not do dishonor to a son of Adam or daughter of Eve… On the contrary…

Cathie was received with unparalleled love by Hans and Liesbeth and they deserve all the respect we can muster. While our reaction as a family is just to callCathie’s attention to the fact that the tumor is growing out of proportions and might explode leaving all around her involved in the fetid stench if she doesn’t look for the heavenly surgeon soon. We do NOT want anyone more to be hurt. This is our most vehement prayer. That our homes, By the way: I am writing to all but nobody asked me to do this. I AM THE ONLY ONE TO BLAME IF YOU WANT TO DO SO. I just felt lead (not heavenlyinspired: I am NOT a prophet) I believe the letter you wrote still could become a blessing for all of us.
In love respectfully

Adriana and Paulo, Elias and Fokelina, Augustus ands Minka, Gerald and Michaela, Frans and Yolanda, Ben and Leonora, John and Malita, Tim and Tina

Dear family: This letter should have been written years ago, but maybe it is good that I did not write any earlier, because then I did not have all the facts.

I told Jan and An a few things when they were here in 1993, but I don't know whether they ever told any other family members.

Leo committed suicide because he was found out that he had had sexually assaulted Sharon vander Kooy, the teen age girlfriend of Cathie in Springdale, the girl had kept it quiet until she finally told the consistory and Leo got a letter about it. He never denied it but he knew that he would be disposed as a minister and that was too much for him, so he killed himself, the police and the coroner came

to that conclusion because of several things among other things a note in his car.I don't know what happened to the official report I sent it to the children and it got lost somewhere.

But worse then this was that I found out only 2 or 3 years ago, that Leo had also sexually assaulted Cathie when she was 6 years old, when I told Rita that, she said he also sexually assaulted Hilary at that age.

Leo was very abusive to me and the children, ask Len what his father did to him .I was sometimes black and blue from the beatings, once I ended up in the hospital and the nurse asked me where I got those bruises, when I told her she did nothing, now they would have called the police.The reason I never told anybody was because I knew if I did that then he would have lost his job and I did not want to do that to him.

If you really want to know about that case in springdale you can ask Rev Gerard Ringnalda, he visited Ali and Leen I think together with Jaap Kunst and wanted to tell them about it and later told me he should have done that but they never asked about Leo.

Leo often had pornography in the house already in calgary and several times in Springdale, but he always said that he found it somewhere. Whenever we were in a hotel he rented a pornographic movie to watch, but he also had an explanation for that, that he had to review it. I always believed his lies and so did a lot of other people.

After Leo was gone people came and phoned me from all over to tell what he had done, in the end I said don't tell me anymore and can't take it.

He also told lies {?} about Frans, that they had a homosexual relationship with each other when they were in the States.

Once I was so depressed about what Leo was doing, then the text came to me .Revenge is mine, I will repay.Later I also read Isaiah 61 the Lord will repay double for all my shame. And the Lord has done that he has given me a loving husband and children and grandchildren who are a great joy to me.

When Hilary took a walk with Frans last year she almost told him about what Leo had done to her, but was afraid too.

Now the time is come that the family secret is shared, because when you know the truth and the truth will set you free.

Most abusers were abused themselves, so that is why I should have spoken up earlier, because there maybe more children and grandchildren in the Schalkwyk family that were abused and they should get help too.

We know that the sins of the father's are visited on the children to the 3rd and 4th generation, but the curse can be stopped by any one in the family when they draw the bloodline of Jesus over it. That is why I have hope for my children and grandchildren, because grace is more abundant than sin.

I send this letter to more family members who have no e-mail and also as soon as I have all the appropriate e-mail addresses.

In Jesus'love

Ann Unger