Session 1 What Does the Christian Counselor Look Like?

LECTURE NOTES – BIBLICAL COUNSELING INTENSIVE

Session 1 – What Does the Christian Counselor look like?

“Come to me all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you shall find rest for your souls, for my yoke is easy and my load is light.” Matthew 11:28,29 (NASB)

Jesus calls people who are struggling to come to Him because the church is his bride. He cares for the church. Christ wants counselors to represent the way he would care for broken souls. He gives soul rest. Christ bids all to come, everyone who carries heavy burdens and he meets the need. Hurting people are fearful, easily influenced and vulnerable. Christ wants to fill every area of live. To take up the yoke of Christ is to yield to his Lordship and allow him to get under the load with him taking the lion’s share to relieve stress. When we are yoked with Christ we move with him in the same direction and at the same pace. He keeps us focused.

A foremost prerequisite for a Christian counselor is thatone must be a Christian! Know the Lord, you share out of your experience but you don’t necessarily talk about yourself in the session! Love God, love people and be yourself.

A Christian counselor must be committed to the work of this church. Any church counselor that contradicts the senior church staff implants in the minds of the counselee that the church has its own opinions. There must be harmony between what is shared in the counseling session and what is shared in the Sunday services from the pulpit. There is a basic accountability that counselors must hold too. If you don’t attend church you wont become a church counselor! You must be filled with the Holy Spirit or you’re spiritually empty.

… knowing their thoughts He said to them, Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and any city or house divided against itself shall not stand.” Matt. 12:25

And Jesus came up and spoke… “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations…teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age ”Matt. 28:18-20

Believers are able to help each other with life issues! Don’t you want someone to talk to you about parenting, life cycle, teenage years, marriage and family roles?

Know where you are at: be honest with yourself, God and others.Sometimes people are in denial; they are not true to self. God loves despite the sins. “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9 (NIV) Do you have a prayer life? We will discuss this in more depth in Session 3 because the Holy Spirit does the work and He is present in every counseling session. We need the Lord! Honesty is important with self, God and others.

“To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you might inherit a blessing.” I Peter 3:8 Unjust criticism, conflict, opposition? God will defend you! Let God be your defender! “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies and you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Psalm 23:5 We are most like Christ when we refuse to retaliate! Critics actually give power! If we choose to bless them back God pours out more grace and power in our lives when we respond correctly! What would you rather have, the ability to get even or to get more power from God? It takes faith and humility to refuse to defend yourself.

Biblically based lay counselors speak freely about Christ and pray with counselees without fear of losing a state license. We accept the Bible as the standard for morality and truth. The bible tells us about the God who loves us. We rely on God in the counseling room and stay focused on our moral standard which is God’s Word. God’s Word applies equally to everyone, yet we are not bible bashing people. We follow God’s Word because He is God and we are not! He knows what is best and his promises are sure. We can never put human goodness up against what God requires for a morally acceptable life. “I’m a good person” is not enough. Good is relative. All need salvation. We do not measure ourselves against other humans but against a holy God.

“The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick: Who can understand it? “I the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give to each man according to his ways, according to the results of his deeds.” Jeremiah 17:9,10 (NASB)

Each heart has a capability to believe lies and reject truth. How have we been a good steward of our time, bodies, health, and resources? One cannot be honest if there is no standard of truth grounded in the Bible. Honesty and truth demands an opportunity to evaluate facts, which allows a person the opportunity to consider change. Change is tough! God’s truth allows opportunity to make new choices.

Biblically based counseling is not concerned with making people feel good;counseling must align with biblical principles. The counselor is not a problem solver but gently teaching them how to handle their problem. If the counselor uses the session to offer advice, the counselee will depend on that person and not on the Lord. They will not be strengthened with confidence in Christ. Biblically based counseling helps believers reconcile themselves to God and others. Help counselee to learn that they belong to God.

A counselor must learn self-care. Leave problems in the office. Learn to have fun and trust God. Have a work/play ethic and a Sabbath Rest. Obey God’s instructions about rest.

Exodus 34:21 “Six days are set aside for work, but every seventh day you must rest completely, even during your seasons of plowing and harvest, you must observe a Sabbath day of rest.”

Sabbath is a day for resting your body, refocusing your spirit with worship, praise, songs, fellowship and recharging your emotions. Without rest that God designed, well-intentioned Christian counselors will burn out! It is one of the 10 Commandments! Relax and Obey. People must have their own walk! We might point them in a direction but they have to do it. We don’t take the credit for what is going on; give all the glory to God.

Biblically based Counseling is Evangelical because we are bringing them closer to God. We share the Lord with them, evangelism and discipleship. “Brethren, even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and this fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:1,2

FIVE STEPS TO BIBLICAL COUNSELING

BUILD A RELATIONSHIP
EXPLORE THE PROBLEM
DECIDE ON A COURSE OF ACTION
STIMULATE THE ACTION
TERMINATE THE COUNSELING RELATIONSHIP

LISTENING – PROV 18:13; JAMES 1:19
RELYING UPON THE POWER OF GOD FOR KNOWING HOW TO COUNSEL (PRO. 3:5,6; 15:28)
MAINTAINING GENUINE INTEREST AND LOVE (PROV. 27:9)
KNOWING WHEN TO SPEAK AND WHEN TO BE QUIET (ECC. 3:7; PROV. 19:19; 11:12; 17:27; 29:20; JAMES 1:19)
TIMING (PROV. 15:23)
KEEPING CONFIDENCES – BEING A TRUSTED PERSON (PROV. 11:13; 20:19; 21:23)
SAYING THE RIGHT WORDS, GIVING ADVICE (PROV. 12:18)
HELPING AND EDIFYING (ROM. 14:19; GAL. 6:1,2)
ENCOURAGING (PROV. 12:25; ROMANS 1:12; 1 THESS 5:11)
BEING INVOLVED AND EMPATHIC (ROM. 12:15; GAL. 6:2)
TEACHING AND ADMONISHING – CONFRONTING THINGS THAT ARE WRONG AND NEED WARNING (ROM. 15:14; COL. 3:16; 1 THESS. 5:14).
BEING HONEST (PROV. 28:23; 27:5)
ACCEPTING THE COUNSELEE (GAL. 6:1; JOHN 8:7; NUMBERS 11:1)
MODELING (FROM TRAINING CHRISTIANS TO COUNSEL – NORMAN WRIGHT)

Identity in Christ

Our Identity is found in Christ and in Christ alone!

“HE MUST INCREASE, BUT I MUST DECREASE.” JOHN 3:30

O Lord our God, the majesty and glory of your name fills all the earth and overflows the heavens. You have taught the little children to praise you perfectly. May their example shame and silence your enemies! When I look up into the night skies and see the work of your fingers – the moon and the stars you have made – I cannot understand how you can bother with mere puny man, to pay any attention to him! And yet you have made him only a little lower than the angels and placed a crown of glory and honor upon his head. Psalm 8:1-5 (Living Translation)

But God demonstrated His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 Everyone is precious to God. The goal for any counselee is to establish and strengthen their personal relationship with Christ.

John 10:10 “… my purpose is to give life in all its fullness.”

Each person must receive Christ as Lord. Lord means that my decisions are based on the Word of God and I need to surrender - areas such as, using foul language, practice forgiveness, 10 Commandments, etc.

“Not everyone who says to Me, “Lord, Lord” will enter the kingdom of heaven; but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 7:21

It is a process of growing into what God intended. Each person must receive Christ as Savior and be delivered from guilt and shame.

“He is the one whom God exalted to His right hand as a Prince and a Savior, to grant repentance to Israel, and forgiveness of sins.” Acts 5:31 (NASB)

Nine Characteristics of a Healthy Identity in Christ

An individual has a healthy relationship with God and others. Gal. 2:11-14

Degree of self-sufficiency and “other dependency” in all their relationships. “Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But each one must examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another. For each one will bear his own load.” Galatians 6:1-5 (NASB)

An individual doesn’t need others or things to validate their spiritual and or personal worth!“…for they loved the approval of men rather than the approval of God.” John 12:43 NASB

Able to operate under self-rule and self-control. You have become an example. The counselor shows maturity in Christ. “Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is a sin. James 4:17 NASB

An Individual has a desire to participate in Life! If Christ lives in me I will participate. (Discuss Us-ness)

Helps others take their turn in Life! Counseling is a difficult ministry! “We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well.” 1 Cor. 10:24 MsgB Givingof self is important in counseling; you are giving your time and presence as to the Lord.

Counselors be aware that your actions impacts others. If the counselor stumbles, it will impact others. Don’t settle for mediocrity. “But as for you, you have turned aside from the way; you have caused many to stumble by the instructions; you have corrupted the covenant of Levi, says the Lord of hosts. Malachi 2:8 NASB.

An individual desires to know God in a real and intimate way. Transformation is a reality. Don’t cheat yourself. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.” Matthew 5:6 NASB

Be Fruitful! “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another.” Galatians 5:22 NASB A counselor demonstrates these characteristics within their personal relationships: friends, family, mother-in-law, boss, or on the street. What happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives much like the fruit in an orchard. He gives us affection for others, willingness to stick with things, compassion in our hearts, holiness, not needing to be forceful to get our own way, have a loyalty to our commitments, use our time wisely. God is glorified when we are honest, trustworthy, genuine, fair in our dealings with others, of good reputation, and steadfast to truth. Group Exercise: Discuss with 3 people, giving each one an opportunity: How do you react when your spouse/boss/friend speaks to you about behaviors or an attitude they believe needs to be changed? When your spouse/boss friend talks to you about an area of your life, do you dismiss what they’re saying to you?

Legal and Ethical Issues in Counseling

Informed Consent: Client Agrees to the process of counseling, which includes signature stating who the counselor can speak with regarding their information.

It is ethical for clients to know beforehand regarding mandatory reporting. It is best practice to inform the client of counselor’s action to break confidentiality and have the client participate in the process. Trust is the biggest factor in a counseling relationship! How one breaks confidentiality is very important. Always do it in a respectful manner giving only what is required and no more.

A therapist must pay attention whenever client communication is disclosed. The Law of No Surprises states that a therapist should inform a client in advance about the circumstances where one may or must disclose confidential information. It is not an actual law but a good practice to use.

ETHICALLY BOUND BY STATUTES. YOU CAN BE SUED FOR NOT REPORTING SUICIDE IDEATION, OR HARM TO OTHERS. CONFIDENTIALITY IS HIGHLY RESPECTED YOU HAVE TO RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE’S CONFIDENTIALITY BETWEEN MEMBERS.
In the case of partner infidelity – EACH PERSON HAS INDIVIDUAL RIGHTS TO PRIVACY. The counselor may insist on disclosure and agree to specific period of time with intent to disclose to their partner. But if that individual refuses, counselor may give an opinion that offending partner is not committed to make counseling work. Keep confidential and proceed.
Emphasize mutual trust
Advise consequences for breeching
Do not disclose identity of clients
Responsibility to clarify issues, review exceptions
Seek consent when sharing within family unit
Have a plan for how individual disclosures will be handled in session.

Domestic Violence: Responsibility to the victim: cessation of violence. Advocacy role of the counselor is to create a no-violence contract for conjoint treatment. Seek supervision!

(NOTE TO SELF: TALK ABOUT LADY WHO CAME IN MY OFFICE WITH A BLACK EYE)

Confidentiality Laws

Obtain written informed consent from clients before videotaping, audio recording, or permitting third party observation. Minors (0-18) can only be pictured with written permission. Minors in the system, or adjudicated youth are not to be used for media production.

Testimonial Privilege – Waiver of Privilege#912 Except as otherwise provided in this section the right of any person to claim a privilege provided by Section 954 (lawyer-client privilege), 980 (privilege for confidential marital communication), 994 (physician-patient privilege), 1014 (psychotherapist-patient privilege), 1033 (privilege of penitent), 1034 (privilege of clergyman), or 1035.8 (sexual assault victim-counselor privilege) is waived with respect to a communication protected by such privilege if any holder of the privilege, without coercion, has disclosed a significant part of the communication or has consented to such disclosure made by anyone. Consent to disclose is manifested by any statement or other conduct of the holder of the privilege indicating consent to the disclosure, including failure to claim the privilege in any proceeding in which the holder has the legal standing and opportunity to claim the privilege.

Confidentiality, Suicide and Mandated Reporting

1.5.4 Inform clients as to certain exceptions to confidentiality such as child abuse reporting, elder and dependent adult abuse reporting, and patients dangerous to themselves or others.

“Whatever we discuss stays confidential except for three areas: child abuse, elder or dependent adult abuse and harm to self and others.”

CHILDREN AND CHILD ABUSE LAWS 11165.6 “CHILD ABUSE”means a physical injury which is inflicted by other than accidental means on a child by another person. “Child abuse” also means the sexual abuse of a child or an act or omission proscribed by Section 273A (willful cruelty or unjustifiable punishment of a child or 273d (unlawful corporal punishment or injury). “Child Abuse” also means the neglect of a child or abuse in outofhome care… “Child Abuse” doesn’t not include an injury caused by reasonable and necessary force used by a peace officer acting within the course and scope of his or her employment as a peace officer.

Any clergy member who has knowledge of or observes a child in his or her capacity who reasonably suspects has been the victim of child abuse, shall report the known or suspected instance of child abuse to a child protective agency immediately or as soon as practically possible by telephone and shall prepare and send a written report thereof within 36 hours of receiving the information concerning the incident. A child protective agency shall be notified and a report shall be prepared and sent even if the child has expired, regardless of whether or not the possible abuse was a factor contributing to the death.
Any member of the clergy who has knowledge of or who reasonably suspects that mental suffering has been inflicted upon a child or that his or her emotional well-being is endangered in any other way may report the known or suspected instance of child abuse to a child protective agency. The internal procedures shall not require any employee required to make reports pursuant to this article to disclose his or her identity.
(NOTE TO SELF - GIVE ILLUSTRATION OF TEEN IN VOICES ANGER MANAGEMENT PROGRAM AT CHURCH)

ELDER AND DEPENDENT ADULTS

15610.07 ABUSE OF AN ELDER OR DEPENDENT ADULT means physical abuse, neglect, fiduciary abuse, abandonment, isolation, abduction, or other treatment with resulting physical harm or pain or mental suffering, or the deprivation by a care custodian of goods or services that are necessary to avoid physical harm or mental suffering.