Session 1 - Continuing the Weekend

SESSION 1 - CONTINUING THE WEEKEND

SHARING OUR STORIES

1. Greet couples with a couple-hug. Send kids to kid room.

- Light a candle (not absolutely required, but it is a nice reminder of the Holy Spirit, of the fire of our love, and of the specialness of the occasion).

-Begin with all couples seated in a circle as couples.

2. Start within TEN minutes of scheduled start time. Ask a team couple to take care of late-comers. That should be plenty of time to say hello, etc.

Invite couples to join hands and begin with prayer. This can be a Scripture reading, a formal prayer (Our Father, etc), or a led prayer. An appropriate Scripture reading may be: Revelation 19:1, 5-9a: Happy are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb. "I, John, seemed to hear the great sound of a huge crowd in heaven, singing, 'Alleluia! Victory and glory and power to our God!'" Then a voice came from the throne; it said, "Praise our God, you servants of his and all who, great or small, revere him." And I seemed to hear the voices of a huge crowd, like the sound of the ocean or the great roar of thunder, answering, "Alleluia! The reign of the Lord our God Almighty has begun; let us be glad and give praise to God, because this is the time for the marriage of the Lamb. His bride is ready, and she has been able to dress herself in dazzling white linen, because her linen is made of the good deeds of the saints." The angel said, "Write this: Happy are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb."

3. Presentation.

A. Warm welcome. Thank them for coming, for going through the inconveniences of getting here. Share our excitement about seeing the beauty of their marriages, getting to know them, and the richness they add to our community of encountered couples.

B. Why We Are Here: (feel free to personalize this - give examples from your own experience - share what happened to you) Explain that we will be having a series of presentations over the next several weeks and that we hope:

- to get to know each other so that you will be comfortable starting a share groups

- we hope to form at least one new share group from this weekend

- we want to reinforce and expand on some of the Weekend concepts, particularly those that were early in the weekend and those that did not get much time on the weekend. The Who Am I presentation re-visits the idea of the mask and attitudes, fears and judgements. We often get that information so early in our weekend that we do not have time to process it and dig in. This is an opportunity to really learn more about yourself, which is essential to enriching our dialogue.

- we would like to share some dialogue tools and questions. We have a handout at each meeting with take-home dialogue questions - these are to give you some dialogue ideas. We also have a session on "five step" or situational dialogue, which brings us to more self-examination in our dialogue and helps us to identify options for changing ourselves. If you would like to have it later, we also have a presentation that introduces Scripture dialogue, which is another dialogue technique to enrich our relationships. You will choose the meeting time for our fourth meeting, and one of you will make the presentation. We have a presentation guide that gives lots of ideas for presentations. These will be modelled at the meetings and there will be handouts to describe the processes.

- we are available to help with any dialogue questions and to get you in touch with other encountered couples

- we would like to model A way to run your share group meetings - not THE only way - and to give the essentials for share groups

- the value of meeting with other encountered couples often takes a few meetings before we see it in our own lives - so we would like to offer you this risk-free trial period! Please commit to going to at least the first four meetings to give yourselves a chance to see the value of being part of a share group.

C. -Explain what the sharing groups are about and give ground rules. (Read the following.)

Concept of a Share Group

First, allow us to state what a share group is NOT. It is NOT primarily a social gathering, an intellectual discussion group, or a prayer group. Although socializing, prayer and discussion may occur, these are not the primary purposes and should not be the primary focus of our gathering.

Share groups meet for the purpose of supporting each other in our dialogue and to help each other live out the concepts of the weekend. We meet because we are committed to making our couple relationship central to our lives, and we want the support and company of other like-minded couples. We believe there is an alternative to the world's plan for our marriages, and we are committed to making the principles of the weekend part of our everyday lives. Since God's plan for marriage is central to what we are about, we include prayer at each gathering. We then have a presentation, sharing time, and dialogue time at each meeting.

Because each person is unique, each couple is unique. We feel differently and experience differently. We are each at a different level of comfort and development with respect to our relationship, dialogue, sharing, reaching out, openness, and total belonging. Therefore, the same principle of accepting our spouse's feelings and not rejecting them applies to accepting each couple for where they are.

In a share group, we experience an open sharing of our feelings in a warm, loving, and non-judging atmosphere. We ask that everyone listen without interruption. There is no feedback, positive or negative, during our sharings. No advice. There is also no place for observing, comparing, judging or analyzing where a couple is.

There are no right or wrong answers. We want everyone to feel comfortable about sharing so there is no forcing.

We come to share who we are with confidence that the other couples will accept us to be who we are at that moment. This is the beauty of the share group... it allows us to be authentically ourselves as a couple. This is what makes a share group different from any other gathering of couples.

Sharing is a gift of myself - who I am, how I feel, my attitudes, my joys, my hopes and present struggles. This is a time to speak from the heart and to listen from the heart. To listen deeply to the sharing of others, I have to turn off the competitive urge and the urge to heal that often arises in me. It is very important not to interrupt, comment on or react to anyone else's sharing. This is not a time to teach, judge or even help. Often I want to say, "Oh, you shouldn't feel that way" or "You'll feel better when...." No matter how loving these statements seem, they are rejection and can turn off someone else's sharing.

If you can't relate to a sharing question, you do not have to share, and no one will judge you. You do not have to share because or when your spouse shares. Silence should not pressure anyone into sharing. Use the silent time to reflect or gather your thoughts. You are accepted with love.

We ask that you share from I, not from we. I can never speak for my spouse.

We all have our ups and downs. We share our joys to give strength to those who are struggling. We share our struggles to let others know they aren't alone in their struggles.

NOTHING SHOULD BE SHARED OUTSIDE THIS CIRCLE, AS EVERYTHING THAT IS SHARED IS SHARED WITH TRUST AND CONFIDENCE IN ONE ANOTHER.

Sharing is not a time for problem solving. It is a simple and open sharing of our feelings, of who we are right now. As we learn to trust and be truly open with one another, our love and joy grows even more.

D. We would like to get to know each other a little, and so we would like to go around the room. Please introduce yourself and your spouse, then give the highlight of your weekend. We also ask the wife to say how many children you have and their ages, and when you made your weekend. Husbands please tell us how long you have been married and how you heard about the Weekend.

-Introduce yourselves as above - (give a general highlight (like, the extended dialogue was the highlight of the weekend for me because.... - nothing graphic, just stuff like I began to listen, I had a chance to tell her how deeply I love her, etc.)

E. Thank them for the introductions and their sharing.

F. Check the time here - you may have to cut this down - cut the summaries if so, and make smaller groups of 3 couples. In a few minutes, we will take turns sharing. Because of the size of our group, we will split up into groups of ______(up to 5) couples. Have them count off or something. A couple who has been to a few of these share group meetings before will join each small group, give the sharing topic and get you started. Ask them to pick up their photo albums and bring them to the small group areas We share in small groups, one couple will record the highlights - major similarities and diffferences - and give us all a two minute summary at the end. Then we will have our 10 and 10, closing prayer, and song.

YOU NEED TO HAVE 35 MINUTES LEFT AT THE END OF THIS, SO KEEP AN EYE ON THE TIME.

4. Sharing:

OPTION 1: (If the team did not use the dating, wedding, and honeymoon stories for table talk on the weekend.)

-PUT UP THE POSTER WITH THE QUESTIONS ON IT and split into small groups if necessary.

-Sharing Question: Tell Others your Wedding Story. (10 min per couple)

-How you met

-Your dating period - how you moved toward commitment

-How the asking to be husband/wife period went (proposal)

-Preparing for the wedding excitement/anxieties/joys/disappointments

-The wedding day!! (Honeymoon...)

-If you had it to do over again, what would you do differently?

-After each couple has shared we will regather into the large group

OPTION 2: Share on the joys and struggles of dialogue since your weekend. Can be altogether or in smaller groups. "Experienced" couples be sure to share that they have had struggles even in the past week or two.

YOU NEED TO HAVE 35 MINUTES LEFT, SO KEEP AN EYE ON THE TIME.

5. Give the 10/10. Time this. Have paper and pens available for those who forgot. Explain they can move to other locations (hall, corners of the room, outside) and you will notify them at the end of each 10 minutes. They can stay longer with their dialogue, but we will continue the meeting.

Dialogue Question: What are my feelings about sharing some intimacies of our life tonight/this afternoon? Describe the feelings in loving detail.

6. Call everyone back for closing.

Announcements:

Our next meeting will be here at (date and time), and we will be <talking about Romance>. Please bring a snack to share.

We need a couple who is willing to host the third meeting on <March 3rd> in their home. You just need to provide a room for us to meet in, and maybe beverages and light snacks.

The next weekend is scheduled for <dates>______at ______. Please invite couples. (Hand out brochures.) We will need couples willing to baby-sit, to be prayer couples, and to give pulpit talks. Please let us know if you can do any of those.

Don't forget your one-ringers.

If you need any help with dialogue, please call us or one of your weekend teams.

HAND OUT TAKE-HOME QUESTIONS. These are for their use as they desire.

7. Closing Prayer: formal prayer (Our Father, etc), led prayer or open prayer - your choice. If you are low on time, do a Glory Be.

8. Gather in a circle to sing There's A New World Somewhere.

9. Socialize and clean up.

Handout has Today is the First Day of the Rest of Your Life as one side, next page as other side. Plus put out the prayer couple guides if they weren't in the weekend take-home packets.

TAKE-HOME DIALOGUE QUESTIONS

Love is Life-giving - From 1976 Marriage Encounter Calendar:

The Father's greatest gift to us is life. The Father gave of Himself to create us and bring us to life. Our Father has given us a share in the giving of life through our power to give emotional and spiritual life. To be life-giving is the Father's will for us.

What is life-giving? Life-giving is leading our lives in a positive way where we go out of our way to benefit others and to reach out to others rather than just avoiding evil. Life-giving is to get away from an act-oriented life; that is, to not weigh decisions as to whether they are good or bad, legal or illegal, moral or immoral. We must say to ourselves, "Is what I am doing or going to do going to be life-giving or is it going to be life-preventing?"

We are life-giving to our spouse when we reflect their beauty back to them. We are life-giving when we improve our spouse's self-image. When we are life-giving, we are responding to our spouse the way they are, not the way we want them to be. Criticism can never be life-giving. Life-giving is accepting others where they are and loving them for that and reaching out to them with love. When we are life-giving, we are reflecting to our spouse and to others the great love of our Father when He gave us the gift off life.

DIALOGUE QUESTIONS:

1. How am I life-giving to you? HDIFAT? (How do I feel about that)

2. How does my negative or positive self-image affect me in being life-giving?

3. How do I feel when you criticize me?

4. Knowing the choice is ours to continue what the weekend started, how do I feel?

5. After experiencing our first share group, how do I feel?

6. What is the biggest change our family/friends have seen in us? HDIFAMA? (How do I feel about my answer)

7. There really IS a New World somewhere! HDIFAT?

8. Love is a gift I freely give to you. HDIFAT?

9. What does "being open" mean to me?
10. What quality in you do I admire most?

11. How do you most help me?

12. When have I felt the most loved? (this week, this year, ever)

13. What does "trust" mean to me?

14. I think our greatest strength as a couple is ______. HDIFAT?

15. I think our greatest weakness as a couple is ______. HDIFAT?

16. What is one thing you do that makes me feel loved? Describe how I feel when that happens.

17. HDIFA (how do I feel about) continuing to use dialogue?

18. HDIFA growing old with you?

19. HDIFA the atmosphere in our home?

20. HDIFA praying together?

21. HDIFA my job?

22. HDIFA your job?

23. HDIFA "dating" you?

24. HDIFA our vacations?

25. HDIFA hugging?

26. What was the most significant part of our ME weekend? HDIFAT?

27. How do I feel about praying aloud?

28. How did I feel Friday night of our weekend, and how did I feel Sunday night?

29. If I could change one thing about myself, it would be ______. HDIFAMA?

30. The time I feel most alive is ______.