Rum and Coke Pirates
Rum and Coke –Pirates
On the way to Hook’s ship, This scene is performed in front of the black, no additional scenery needed
Rum and Coke enter through audience, approaching the stage from opposite sides, so the spot throwing is
across the audience, although they never actually throw anything, they both have a spot, so it just looks as if
they are throwing it and catching it
Rum To me (he shows he has the black spot in his hand)!
Coke To you (he catches the black spot) to me!
Rum To you (he catches the black spot) to me!
Coke To you (he catches the black spot) to me!
Rum To you (he catches the black spot) to me! Agh, why do I always end up with the black spot?
Coke We need to find Peter Pan’s hideout or Captain Hook will kill us.
Rum Shiver me timbers, you lot again, (pick on someone in audience) I remember you from la(agh)st year,
didn’t crack a smile then either.
Coke (choose someone else in audience) I remember him too, a right ar…aghgumentative man.
Rum I’m Rum and ’e’s Coke, we’re Cap’n Hook’s meanest, ’orriblest pirates.
Coke We ’ate kids, ’specially ones what boo us.
Audience Boo!
Both Aghh!
Rum We’re looking for Peter Pan’s hideout.
Coke Ya seen it?
Rum They’re not gonna tell us.
Coke Ya all a bunch of fork-faced, pox-ridden, crud buckets!
Both Aghh!
Rum (point at someone in audience) Ya better get used to it, we’re Pirates.
Coke Why are pirates called pirates?
Rum They just aghh!
Coke (to audience) C’mon, they just aghh.
Rum We’ve got twenty five AGHH jokes in this scene, surely one will make you laAGHHugh.
Coke I’m fed up with all this looking for Peter Pan, what we need is a holiday.
Rum Yeah, a nice bit of AGHH and AGHH.
Coke We could go to AAGHHrgentina.
Rum OrAAGHHruba.
Coke We can hire a cAGHHar -
Rum But I’m not very good at pAGHHrking!
Coke They have valet pAGHHrking at the HAGHHrd Rock Café.
……………..
Three claps to finish
Rum Enough lAGHHrking about, we’ve got two very important jobs to do.
Coke One, find Peter Pan’s hideout.
Rum And two, warn Cap’n Hook when the crocodile is near.
Coke Do you know why Cap’n Hook is scared of the crocodile?
Audience Yes/no.
Rum A long time ago, Peter Pan cut off Cap’n Hook’s hand and fed it to the crocodile. It was the best thing he
ever tasted.
Coke And ever since, he’s wanted more of Cap’n Hook, he’s always on the look out for him.
Rum And you know when he’s coming because the silly crocodile swallowed a clock, so whenever we hear this
noise -
Sound effect of tick-tock
- we know he is on his way.
Coke It’s our job to listen out for Tick-tock and warn Cap’n Hook when we hear him.
Rum But we’re rubbish at it, so we could do with some help, will you help us?
Audience Yes!
Coke Oh please, we’ll give you some of our treasure later, so every time you hear the clock ticking, shout out,
“Tick-tock!” to warn us, will you do that? Let’s have a little practice.
Sound effect of tick-tock
Have you shouted yet? That wasn’t loud enough, let’s try again.
Sound effect of tick-tock
Rum Well done, me hearties, and don’t forget. Every time you hear the tick-tock.
Coke Your help’s great, cos we have to do all Hook’s jobs, he’s not really a hands-on guy.
Rum See what ya did there, I’ve got one. Where’s Hook’s favourite place to shop? The second-hand shop!
Coke Why does Hook keep forgetting to switch the lights off? He can’t quite put his finger on it!
Rum Hook will be ’ere soon and we ’ave nowt to report.
He gets out a telescope and looks up and out towards the audience
Coke Can you see anything?
Rum Yohoho, there’s Peter Pan, but hang on…
Coke Let me see, (snatches the telescope) ’e’s not alone.
Short burst of “What Shall We Do With The Drunken Sailor?”
Rum Hook’s coming,(to audience) don’t tell him we’re mateys.es