How to Drive Like a Woman

How to drive like a woman

Starting Out:

Stand in front of the car and look for your car key at least for ten minutes. Find the key and open the door hectically.

Get in and put the seat all the way forward. Start the car. Take the reverse gear and make noise with it. Turn the steering wheel and drive carefully as if you drive on raw eggs.

Knock against the car behind you and put the forward gear in. Drive slower than before and knock on the other car. Turn the steering wheel as hard as you can. Drive fast out of the parking space without blinking.

Driving rules:

If you come to a traffic light, pull your mirror down and put your make up on. Don't look at the light and wait until somebody honks. Then put the gear in with some noise again. Make sure that everyone hears that.

If you want to change lanes, drive slow and carefully to the middle of the street and wait until somebody behind you honks. Then drive to the other lane. Drive on slowly.

If you are on the motorway drive as fast as you can and overtake on the left if you can.

Then drive slower, approximately onehundred kilometres per hour. Stick your face in the windshield. Somebody is behind you, so pull the mirror down again and check your make up, put something more on your face. If he is gone, drive like you want. Drive in the middle of the road if another driver comes near. Don't look for the other drivers and wait until they honk.

Drive down off the motorway.

Drive as fast as you can and brake if somebody is behind you. Drive uncontrolled.

In a parking lot:

Look at the big parking space and pass it. Look for the smallest parking space and drive about five rounds around the block. Your partner should be very angry. Discuss why you don't want the big parking space. Say things like:“ I can't get in there!“

Find a smaller space and park in it as you pulled out. Slowly and carefully. Like on raw eggs. Knock at least one car and make noise with the gears. You have to take about ten minutes for the parking.

Leave the car. Look at the side mirror and check your make up. Put some lipstick on. Go away and ask your partner: “Have I locked the car?"

by Ines Wiesinger 07/08