Engage 2014 | Revisions

General, for all sessions:

  1. Remove unnecessary instructions (eg greeting,). Put instructions into a more conspicuous font (style sheet).
  2. Remove ‘preparation’ at beginning of each session and replace with short ‘check list’.
  3. Remove notes for Group adaptation (green text). Add additional Group items to check list at the beginning of each session.
  4. Reduce white space (remove column ‘Mentor Notes’). Allow horizontal space for mentors to write sharings.
  5. Remove unessential homework activities throughout, to reduce the feeling of under-delivery by mentees.
  6. Edit ‘spoken text’ to make it briefer and edit all text to say make less wordy.
  7. Convert ‘spoken text’ to dot points (slide ‘summaries) for easier conversational delivery (as indicated), unless it’s a piece where it’s important to get the wording right and the text is drafted for mentors to read word-for-word.
  8. Up front of each session: put ‘what’s the session about’ so that the focus is clear, making links to previous topics and previous sessions (where relevant), and acting as the “glue” for all the components of the session.
  9. Add segue as needed to improve flow from topic to topic.
  10. Reduce number of questions asked for discussion times.
  11. DVD’s will be refilmed and new transcripts provided. Testimonials from other couples included.
  12. Remove from Mentor Guide (or shrink) those pages from Couple Pack not directly discussed during the session.
  13. Wrap up should identify the 3-4 key concepts starting with the most important. (update couple pack to reflect).
  14. Reduce the number of red-coloured mentor sharings to only the essential ones.
  15. Ensure that any changes do not: (1) Alter the syllabus so as to lose its current substance; or (2) Confuse current mentors or cause them to think that it is a brand new syllabus.
  16. Swap Session 3 and Session 4.
  17. Update Theology of the Body references to new standard.

Under Discussion

Topic / Notes
  1. DVD transcripts: poll some mentors about whether to put the DVD transcript in an appendix or in situ.
/ Done (Keep transcripts in situ)
  1. Create a ‘post wedding booklet’ with appropriate material removed from the course.
/ In process (Appendix)
  1. Create an optional Session 7 to be used in conjunction with the priest or by the priest alone.
/ In process – could include in the appendix
  1. Create an eBook with clips from the DVD, links to other material.
/ This a different product – sold independently – doesn’t need to be considered here
  1. Printing of materials:

  1. Mentor Guide – plastic pockets for covers to make more robust. Internal Plastic pocket for DVD.
/ Yes
  1. Couple Pack – options:

  1. 6 booklets in folder (makes it hard to reduce pages as need to keep to multiples of 4) ie same as existing

  1. A4 spiral bound workbook (couple gets all session handouts at the beginning, can reduce pages more easily)

  1. A5 spiral bound workbook (more compact)

  1. Give a link to watch TGS DVD online and include print content in book.
/ Done – added QR code. Need to build webpage with DVD.

Session 1: Mission to Love

  1. Greeting
  2. Reflection Point – tell love story
  3. About this Course (reordered) to include:
  4. Couple kits (hand them over)
  5. Psychological insights
  6. Theology of the Body
  7. ‘History’: Since 2007, thousands of couples, used overseas
  8. Overview of topics (dot points)
  9. Format of each session (incl take home activities)
  10. Role of Mentors
  11. Opening Prayer
  12. DVD – refreshed. Explain difference between generalizations and a stereotype.
  13. Reflection Point – Friendships – reworked to Sexual Complementarity. Reduce number of ‘discussion questions’.
  14. Couple Exercise: (edit couple pack to allow space to write answers to ‘Reflect’ questions on p8 (and reduce number of reflections to 5 from 7)
  15. Discussion (reduce to 3 qns). Integrate with SmartLoving point (Key sharing) and Marrriage as a mission.Remove Sexual Differences and Love as Gift of Self as discussion points.
  16. Affirmation: add segue – One of the most practical ways of putting SmartLoving into effect is through affirmation.
  17. Abbreviate ‘benefits of affirmation’ and make it flow on
  18. Sexual affirmation explain and do exercise (writing)
  19. Tool of Daily Appreciation explained ( Integrate ‘sexualisation’ into it)
  20. Wrap Up
  21. Key Concepts:
  22. Smart Lovingis loving your fiancé in the way that they most like and need to be loved.
  23. It’s other centered so it’s genuine loving and its smart because its more effective.
  24. Smart Loving involves continually learning about how your fiancé experiences love.
  25. Men and women relate differently, and understanding these differences will help you to love smarter.
  26. Sexual differences are a cause for delight, a wonderful gift which draws us together.
  27. Respect and cherishment are important differences in the way men and women relate.
  28. Affirmation is a powerful way of strengthening your bond as a couple and helping you to love smarter.
  29. Approach your marriage as a mission to convince your fiancé that they are loved and lovable.
  30. Take Home Activities:
  31. Share sexual affirmations
  32. Dream Exercise (from S3 Unity & Life long Union)
  33. Practice Daily Appreciation every day.

Session 2: Dialogue: Being One

NB: update script and couple pack to use ‘emotion’ rather than ‘feeling’ to reflect best psychological practice.

  1. Greeting, Prayer
  2. Debrief on Session 1
  3. Sexual Affirmation
  4. Dream Exercise
  5. Daily Appreciation
  6. Introduction to the topic: p 59
  7. Good communication is essential to developing deeper unity and intimacy.
  8. Good communicators are other-centered, self-aware, and self-disciplined.
  9. Reflection Point: Experiences of being listened to, of not being listened to.
  10. Brief reference to concept of emotional communion.
  11. DVD part 1
  12. Communication defined
  13. Speaker: sharing Emotions, LIFE, grows self-awareness. Instruct husband mentor to lead this to communicate and model to men, journaling
  14. Couple Exercise part 1: writing
  15. DVD part 2
  16. Exchange – listening (unclutter, understand, unite)
  17. Emotional communion (Make consistent the use of terminology eg unity, communion, validate, etc)
  18. Male –female differences
  19. Couple Exercise part 2 – exchange
  20. Discussion
  21. Emotional communion (key sharing)
  22. Difficult Emotions
  23. Unregulated expression
  24. Take Home Activity: Deepen intimacy with questions on p 12/64
  25. Tips for daily conversation: (speaker-listener) from beginning of session
  26. Speaker – timing, alerting, I-sentencing
  27. Listener – unclutter, understand, validate
  28. Tool: Daily Strongest Emotion (key sharing)
  29. Remove Johari Windowand Spiritual Strengths, add to appendix.
  30. Wrap Up
  31. Key Concepts:
  32. Emotional communion is the willingness to unite with our spouse’s emotional experience
  33. Good communicators are other-centered, self-aware and self-disciplined.
  34. Emotions are unique, deeply personal. Reflection on our emotions builds self-awareness. Sharing our emotions builds intimacy.
  35. Take Home Activities:
  36. Difficult Emotions exercise
  37. Write and Share Deepening Intimacy (at least 1)
  38. Practice the Daily Strongest Emotion every day.

S3: Knowing Me, Knowing You

  1. Greeting, Prayer
  2. Debrief on Session 2
  3. Difficult Emotions
  4. Deepening Intimacy
  5. Daily Strongest Emotion
  6. Introduction to the topic:
  7. Our family of origin is most significant influence on our attitudes and behaviours
  8. Session is about understanding that influence and become more intentional in how we react to that formation.
  9. Tour of family home.
  10. DVD – Remove Love of Intimacy & Benevolence (3 para in DVD), add couple testimonials.
  11. Couple Exercise:
  12. Formation Inventory – Edit to reduce length
  13. Couple Sharing
  14. Discussion –
  15. Name it & Tame It,
  16. Key sharing,
  17. Unpacking formation of engaged couple.
  18. Remove reference to Stop Reflect Connect and values (p147, -149)
  19. Tool: Time Out to ask why? Where does this come from? (builds self-awareness)
  20. Expectations – Take Home Activity
  21. Remove Love of Intimacy /Benevolence to Appendix
  22. Forgiveness and Hurt
  23. Symptoms of Hurt p158
  24. Forgiveness p157 + is not a feeling. It’s a choice
  25. Key sharing
  26. Healing Outside Injuries – this is simplified from the existing one.
  27. Individual reflection (in the session
  28. Take Home :Share with fiancé. Do the forgiveness exercise– this is a new exercise
  29. Marriage Sabateurs – take home activity – over 2 pages.
  30. Wrap Up
  31. Key concepts
  32. Our family of Origin is highly influential
  33. There are two ways that can react to our formation – we adopt it or reject it. Often, neither of these reactions are conscious and intentional.
  34. Formation can negatively impact us in three ways:
  35. Incompatible expectations
  36. Compatible but suboptimal
  37. Emotional Injuries
  38. Unforgiven emotional injuries continue to negatively impact. Forgiveness is essential for healing.
  39. Take home activities
  40. Expectations exercise
  41. Complete Healing Outside Injuries Exercise
  42. Marriage Sabateurs
  43. Tool: Time Out to ask ‘Why’?

S4: Unity in Diversity (renamed from Forgiveness and Life Long Union)

  1. Welcome and Prayer
  2. Debrief on S3:
  3. Expectations
  4. Marriage Sabateurs
  5. Healing Outside Injuries
  6. Ask why? Tool
  7. Introduction to the topic:
  8. Looked at communication S2, and looked at formation S3. Now we want to look at communicating under stress, when there are differences of opinion.
  9. Later in the session we’ll look at how to restore unity when you’ve hurt each other.
  10. Priorities exercise (modified) – individual reflection only
  11. DVD part 1. Values Based Decision Making, Stop Reflect Connect.
  12. Couple Exercise: reformat page with instruction and example on one side with writing space on other.
  13. Take home Activity: Money matters – add an intro. Add questions to Control & Irresponsibility and Independence & Secrets (removeDream exercise to Session1)
  14. Conflict: improve segue
  15. Reflection point
  16. Contempt and Indifference (opposite of Respect and Cherishment) cause emotional injuries.
  17. Seven Deadly Habits (revise so that discussion is a ‘walk through’ of the habits).
  18. DVD part 2. Reconciliation
  19. Restoring Unity: Tool/Process: Stop - LIFE – Reflect –Connect - simplified
  20. Couple Exercise: Reconciliation
  21. Stop, LIFE, Reflect in the session
  22. Connect– take Home activity
  23. Wrap Up:
  24. Key concepts:
  25. Behind every disagreement is a conflict in values. Understanding our values is the key to effective decision making.The most important value is couple unity.
  26. Conflict becomes damaging when we arecontemptuous or indifferent.
  27. Saying sorry is not enough. Reconciliation and restoration of unity requires forgiveness.
  28. Take Home Activities:
  29. Money Matters exercise
  30. Practice Stop Reflect Connect
  31. Complete reconciliation exercise

S5: Sex – Sacred Embrace

  1. Welcome and Prayer
  2. Debrief S4:
  3. Money Matters
  4. Stop Reflect Connect
  5. Reconciliation
  6. Introduction to topic:
  7. Talking about sexual intimacy
  8. Body language – reflection point
  9. Take Home: Speaking the Message
  10. DVD (Add story of the heart to couple pack about pressure to sleep together)
  11. Discussion.
  12. Couple Exercise – Sexual Integrity
  13. Discussion
  14. Sexual Atmosphere
  15. Tools: Connect Hug (change from Cuddle) & Connect Kiss
  16. Total Gift of Self DVD
  17. add some introductory comments for mentors
  18. Take Home Activity: watch DVD (online)and answer questions.
  19. Add TGS print content to the handout.
  20. Remove One Heart Discernment from couple pack (use this in Newlywed) Simplify to One Heart Prayer – and move to S6
  21. Wrap Up:
  22. Key concepts
  23. Body language is a powerful communicator, more believable than words.
  24. Sex is body language with powerful meaning. Sex is sacred body language.
  25. Sexual atmosphere is the climate of desire between us. It can be increased by Connect Hug and Connect Kiss.
  26. Take Home Activities
  27. Verbalisation of Touch Messages
  28. Practice Connect Hug and Connect Kiss
  29. Watch TGS (online) and do the exercise.

S6: Spirituality – Soul Mates for Life

  1. Preparation – write the prayer for your couple.
  2. Welcome and Prayer
  3. Debrief S5:
  4. Verbalisation of Touch Messages, Connect Hug and Connect Kiss
  5. TGS and the exercise – strengthened mentor input
  6. Replace One Heart Discernment – with One Heart Prayer – ie simpler
  7. Introduction to Topic:
  8. This session looks at two related topics:
  9. Spirituality and how we can grow in intimacy through sharing our spiritual lives. Replace Religious Practice Reflection Point with – Spirituality: What is your understanding of God? Is God for you a ‘person’ or a ‘force’ or something else? How do you see your spirituality influencing the way you live?
  10. The Sacrament of Matrimony and what it means to marry in the Catholic Church. A sacrament makes visible an invisible spiritual reality.Revise Sacrament activity Think about a passionate married couple that you know. What are some of the qualities (list in couple pack). Mentor makes links to Christ-church love.
  11. DVD
  12. Couple Exercise – Becoming Soul Mates (revised questions. Write Prayer before sharing)
  13. Discussion:
  14. Sharing Spirituality.
  15. Take Home Activity – Spiritual Intimacy extension questions.
  16. Remove Spiritual Intimacy section to appendix
  17. The Wedding Ceremony
  18. Take Home Activity – Wedding Ceremony Planning & Vows (Added explanation of structure of the liturgy and link to online resources)
  19. The Catholic Family
  20. Mixed faith couples
  21. Friends to call on
  22. Sacrament: Source of Grace
  23. Add – what is Grace (help from God) and how do we get it (prayer)
  24. Simplify passion & other graces
  25. Power of Prayer
  26. Couple Prayer
  27. Tool: Replace Trinity Prayer with simple Evening Prayer
  28. Wrap Up:
  29. Key Concepts:
  30. Marriage is a sacrament – that means that it has a special place in the life of the church – it images and reveals the relationship between Christ and his people.
  31. It is also a source of grace – spiritual help from God – which can help married couples love more effectively.
  32. Regardless of religious practice or spiritual beliefs, learning to share our spiritual life is important for our intimacy.
  33. Take Home Activities
  34. Soul Mates & Friends extention questions
  35. Wedding Liturgy planning, vows.
  36. Pray for your marriage
  37. Closing
  38. Complete Admin (feedback surveys (priest, course), contact details after wedding, present certificate of completion
  39. Mentor blesses engaged couple using prayer they have written or standard prayer provided.

Appendix/Take Home Book

  1. Catholic Marriage –What are you signing upfor ? (to be developed)
  2. Catholic Wedding Rituals – Wedding crucifix, Washing of Hands/Feet (to be developed)
  3. Johari Window + Spiritual Strengths (from s2)
  4. Love of Intimacy, Love of Benevolence (s3/4) + Dealing with In Law tension
  5. Spiritual Intimacy – questions (from s6)
  6. Spiritual Preparation for your wedding (s7)

NewlyWed Course (1 day or several sessions???)

  1. Reprise: LIFE + Emotional Communion – How do I feel about our relationship at this time?
    Goals for our relationship
  2. Understanding Drivers (fears) – Healing
  3. Decision Making & One Heart Discernment – Godly decisions
    + Money matters - tithing
  4. Sex and Intimacy – challenges (pornography, busyness, cultural attitudes)
  5. Total Gift of Self – Natural Fertility in daily life, preparing to start a family, protecting marriage
  6. Spiritual IntimacyCouple Prayer – Trinity Prayer
  7. ??Reconciliation