Funny Instagram Captions Collection by Slushfusion!

Funny Instagram Captions Collection by SlushFusion!

• Need an ark? I Noah guy.
• What if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram.
• I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
• If I was funny, I would have a good Instagramcaption.
• I don’t always surf the internet, but when I do, eyebrows!
• A blind man walks into a bar… And a chair… and a table.
• I had fun once, it was horrible.
• Women drivers rev my engine.
• Oh you’re a model? What’s your agency, Instagram?
• I liked memes before they were on Instagram
• Friday, my second favorite F word.
• If a dentist makes their money from unhealthy teeth, why would I trust a product 4/5 of them recommend?
• I didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose me
• Weekend, please don’t leave me.
• I got back with my Ex…Box 360.
• I love sleep because it’s like a time machine to breakfast.
• Invite me to play Candy Crush one more time.
• I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
• Volleyball is just a really intense version of “don’t let the ball touch the floor”.
• Girls be like, no makeup!
• I don’t have Ex’s, I have Y’s. Like “Why Did I ever date you?”
• There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
• Friends marathon on Netflix, YES!
• We all start as strangers!
• Keep smiling because life is a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.
• When I feel a little down, I put on my favorite high heels and dance.
• Dear vegetarians, if you’re trying to save animals, then why are you eating their food?
• Never cry for that person who doesn’t know the value of your tears.
• Changed all my passwords to incorrect, then every time I forget my password, it says “your password is incorrect”.
• Impossibru!
• You go to school, nothing happens. You miss one day, beyonce shows up unannounced.
• A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. A dumb person creates it.
• So you’re telling me I have a chance.
• Walking past a class with your friends in it.
• I’m not saying it was aliens, but it was Aliens!
• Yea, dating is cool but have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?
• Started from the bottom now we’re here.
• I think you are lacking vitamin me!
• When Instagram was down, I ran around town shouting “like” at flowers, dogs, and expensive brunches.
• Say “Beer Can” with a british accent. I just taught you to say “Bacon” with a Jamaican accent.
• I don’t always study, but when I do, I don’t.
• I’ll never try to fit in. I was born to STAND OUT.
• Give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt.
• So, you’re on Instagram? You must be an amazing photographer.
• Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that.
• 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• Good morning beautiful! I hope I didn’t wake you and I’m sorry if I did but I just want to tell you that you’re an amazing and beautiful person and I hope you have a great day!
• I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
• All you need is Pizza.
• The moment when she says you’re cute!
• I don’t always make sense, but when I do, I don’t.
• You should smell my breath.
• Dude, all my friends have birthdays this year.
• I act like I’m ok, but I’m really not.
• I’m on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.
• Stay strong, the weekend is coming.
• You lost your phone and it’s on silent? Too bad, if you liked it, you should have put a ring on it.
• Smash, now what will I Instagram?
• When the bus driver starts driving before you even get to your seat.
• Omg! Look at me! Instagramselfie!
• When the parents hate it, the kids love it.
• Your WhatsApp status says online, if you’re online then why aren’t you texting me.
• Don’t worry if you haven’t found your true love, they’re just with someone else right now.
• Darwin award goes to…
• Oh pizza, you understand me so well.
• Trying to forget it but the memories are too strong.
• That moment when you realize your childhood is over.
• Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
• Live the live you want to, not the one you’re supposed to.
• I’d like to thank Red Bull, Google, Vodka, and Wikipedia for my graduation.
• Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away.
• A selfie a day keeps the friends away.
• My diet plan: make all of my best friends cookies; the fatter they get, the thinner I look.
• What if the princess wants to be with Bowser but Mario keeps kidnapping her.
• I hate flying lessons.
• Don’t play dumb with me. That’s a game you can’t win.
• Guess what I just did.
• Hating me doesn’t make you pretty.
• That moment when you realize it wasn’t a fart.
• Whatever you do in life, make sure it makes you happy.
• Life is short, false; it’s the longest thing you do.
• If I die tomorrow, will you remember me?
• You’re doing it wrong.
• Puts selfie on top of tree because I’m the star.
• The only F word out a woman’s mouth that scares me is “fine.”
• I wasn’t lucky, I deserved it.
• Hey good lookin, can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
• At least this balloon is attracted to me!
• Stop looking for happiness in the same place you just lost it.
• If a redhead works at a bakery, does that make him a ginger bread man?
• Crossfit? I play real sports.
• I must destroy you with hugs and kisses.
• This seat is taken.
• A little birthday party they said, it’ll be fun they said.
• I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.
• It’s so beautiful when a boy smiles.
• Don’t be like the rest of them, darling.
• Girl,Ima have to call you back.
• Have a seat, we were expecting you.
• I’ve finally counted.
• OMG that’s so cute.
• Buy an iPhone they said, it comes with a map, they said.
• One does not simply “Let it go”.
• Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously a girl because it won’t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.
• You’re cute, can I have you?
• Make milkshakes they said, the boys will come to your yard they said.
• Hey girl, I like the way we finish each other’s’ sandwiches.
• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
• Boys are like purses, cute, full of crap, and can always be replaced.
• On my way to school :)
• I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, call me Beercules!
• Truth is, I’m crazy for you. And everyone can see that but you.
• Who’s awesome? You are!
• You only drink diet soda? You must be so healthy.
• Heart boys who make funny faces when they see you for the first time.
• My chocolate chip cookie, is raisin :(
• Hey girl, feel my sweater. Know what it’s made of? Boyfriend material.
• Some days start better than others.
• Can I film you while you sleep? You’re so cute.
• I know I’m lucky that I’m so cute.
• I came here in peace, seeking gold and slaves.
• Chilling like a gangsta.
• I’m the girl you’ve always wanted.
• This just gave me another reason why I love this person.
• You think this is a game?
• Happiness is just a chemical.
• I AM an Instagram Caption!
• You play Call of Duty? That’s cute.
• Who’s that cute person? Oh, I clicked on my profile again.
• A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
• Help me please, I’m bored.
• If you look in the mirror when your eyes are shut, it’s like watching yourself when you’re asleep.
• It’s not a phase mom, it’s who I am.
• I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
• I just want to cuddle, that’s all I want.
• Being famous on Instagram is like being rich on Monopoly.
• Best selfie ever!
• Be who and what you want, period.
• Being single is smarter than being in the wrong relationship.
• Says he wants to whisper something in your ear, screams!
• Everytime my phone goes off, I hope it’s you.
• I can’t go on, will you carry me.
• You keep using that word, I don’t think it means what you think it means.
• Throwback to when I was a nerd.
• They used to shout my name, now they whisper it.
• Has one night stand, but way too many books to fit on it.
• The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
• Instagram is down; just describe your lunch to me.
• Know your limits.
• How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits into your wife’s clothes.
• Free hot dogs and chili, you always pay for them later.
• Hey girl, get back to work.
• Work until your idols become your rivals.
• Lives change like the weather. I hope you remember today is never too late to be brand new.
• Real men don’t take selfies.
• The question isn’t can you, it’s will you?
• Girls be like, I love my hair in this pic.
• I get by with a little help from my friends.
• “Insert funny caption”
• Long line at Starbucks, first world problems.
• Cinderella never asked for a prince.
• Finals are OVER!!!
• This is how I look taking a selfie.
• No panties!
• Always classy, never trashy, and a little bit sassy.
• Ladies, please.
• But first, let me take a selfie.
• Be yourself, there’s no one better.
• I’m on a date, she isn’t very social.
• Stay sharp and far from timid.
• Warning - You might fall in love with me.
• Be Yourself, everyone else is taken.
• All I need is Chipotle.
• Making people unsure about my gender on a daily basis.
• I broke my own heart just by loving you.
• I’m your worst nightmare.
• Love when my bae hugs me like this.
• Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.
• I graduated from the university of selfies.
• It’s a sweatshirt kind of day.
• Trying clothes on, do you like it?
• Sweat pants or yoga pants?
• Fresh out of the shower, no make-up.
• This is why we can’t have nice things.
• What do you think of the view?
• Yesterday, I changed my WiFi password to “Hackitifyoucan”; today, someone changed it to “ChallengeAccepted”.
• There’s a girl out there with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.
• Don’t let your eyes be blinded by her beauty.
• The Master of Disguise.
• So, who ate my food?
• These are the days we live for.
• This is my town.
• This is the most magical pic of your life.
• Animal selfies are the best selfies.
• I haven’t done this in a while so excuse me.
• Got the bathroom smelling like fish sticks.
• When was the last time I was cute?
• This V neck is as deep as my thoughts.
• Finer than a 0.5mm pencil!
• Time to party, ladies.
• Help, my duck face is stuck.
• Funny caption.
• At least my pizza is attracted to me.
• Don't let anyone tell you that you're not strong enough.
• When nothing goes right, go left instead!