Fruit of Improving Your Hearing
FRUIT OF IMPROVING YOUR HEARING
James 1:19
Fruit Of The Spirit Message Series
June 19, 2016
Pastor Nathan J. Thompson
There is a cartoon of a pastor speaking. He says, “I asked my wife to look over my notes for today’s sermon and mark out anything that was dull and boring. So in conclusion…”
We’ve been focusing these past weeks on the “Fruit Of The Spirit” from Galatians 5. In order to have enough “fruit” to complete June I have added a couple extra fruit which are also pretty essential if we are to have “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness…”, etc.
One of these very important fruit of the Spirit is listening. Probably the number one complaint I hear from people about their relationships is, “He never listens to me…” “She never understandswhat I say…” The source of many problems today is we just don’t listen.
Therefore this morning we’re going to look at the “Fruit Of Improving Your Hearing;” it is a fruit God’s Spirit can help each one of us to learn. Learning this will help you to have fewer arguments; you’ll make more friends; you’ll be a lot wiser; you’ll be more healthy; you’ll be more filled with love, joy and peace.
Therefore what is listening? James 1:19 says, “Take note of this: Everyone should be quick tolisten, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” If you have problems with anger it may be that you are quick to speak, slow to listen.
What is listening? It is definitely more than just hearing words and sounds. Lots of people easily “talk at” each other; not “with” each other. It may be one of the reasons why bars and bartenders are so popular; bartenders will listen to anyone.
Yet why is this so important? The reason is because it satisfies a deep human need; the need to be appreciated. When you really listen to someone it shows that you care about them. Listening is loving; if you love someone you will listen to them. Therefore if you want to improve your relationship with your spouse; kids; boss; friends at school—improve your listening.
It is important to note that there are three main things that often block and keep us from listening. One is presumption. Proverbs 18:13 says, “He who answers before listening, that is his folly and shame.” The Living Bible says, “It’s stupid to decide before knowing the facts.”
We can easily get into trouble when we start assuming things. How often have you gotten into an argument because you assumed that someone was thinking thus and so; that they meant this or that by their words; that they were doing this because? We need to be careful we don’t play “mind reader.” You don’t always know what someone's intentions are; presuming blocks hearing.
A second thing that easily blocks hearing is impatience; you don’t listen when you are impatient. Experts tell us that the average mind can listen at about 650 words per minute while the average person speaks about 150 words per minute. If one is really thinking or struggling to find the words they want to say it may be even slower than that.
Therefore if someone has a fast mind; if they are able to assimilate rapidly they may get bored; they may start thinking about other things rather than listening. There are those who want others to speed it up; to get to the point; to stop stumbling for words; to just say what they mean. As a result the person speaking can easily feel, “What’s the use? I can’t tell you anything.” Impatience can often really hurt a relationship.
Proverbs 19:11 says, “A man’s wisdom gives him patience.” If you’re not patient with people the Bible says you’re foolish. Therefore if I want to show my wisdom I need to be extra patient with my kids, my wife; my work colleagues; my friends; with other people. I’m really foolish and insensitive when I’m impatient. It is when you listen that you are wise.
The third thing that blocks our hearing is pride; pride makes us defensive and unteachable. Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of a fool seems right, but a wise man listens to advice.” Truth is you can learn from anyone if you’re willing to ask questions. The problem however is that most of us would rather appear to be smart; to act like we already know it.
It has often been said that the only dumb question is the one you do not ask. Yes there are those who feel they have learned everything from their own experience; yet it is much wiser to seek to also learn from the experience of other people. You don’t have time to make all the mistakes in life yourself; we need to learn from the experience(s) of others. We need to put down our pride; be a teachable and open person.
Truth is that each one of you are able to teach me something if I would just know the right questions to ask. It is important to remember that each one of us is ignorant about certain things; each one of us have had different experiences, education, training. Wise people are open to learning from others; they learn by asking good questions.
In summary there are three major things that block our hearing—presumption; impatience; pride. Each one of these things can help ruin a relationship. A parent may say, “All of a sudden mychild has gone off the deep end.” Yet perhaps he/she has been attempting to send you signals; the problem is you just weren’t listening.
Someone else says, “It was such a shock to discover that my husband was having an affair (that mywife up and left me.”) Perhaps they have been telling you; the signals (signs) have been there for months or even years yet you just weren’t listening. Jesus says to be quick to hear, slow to speak. God gave us two ears and one mouth; it is therefore important that we seek to listen twice as much as we talk.
On the other side what are some aids to hearing which will help improve our listening and thereby our relationships? First is listen with your eyes. Approximately 80% of communication is non-verbal; body language. Mark 10:21 says, “Jesus looked at him and loved him.”
If you really love people you’ll look at them; it is a special gift when you actually look a person in the eye. It tells them you've got my undivided attention; you are valued; you are significant. Parents when was the last time you got down on your knees and looked at your child eyeball to eyeball? You are not really listening while you are fixing dinner; focused on your cell phone; watching TV; dreaming about something else. Looking them in the eye is a gift.
Husbands/wives, it may have been months since you looked in each other’s eyes and really talked together; in fact you may feel so far out of practice you are actually embarrassed to do it. However this is something very, very important you need to develop. Looking someone in the eye says to them, “You’re important.”
Husbands/Wives—your spouse wants attention. If your mate doesn’t get your attention in a positive way, they may try to get it in a negative way. Parents, your kids are starving for your attention; they want it more than money or anything else. If they don’t get it in a positive way, they may try to get it in a negative way—I guarantee it. “Jesus looked at him and loved him.”
A second aid to help your hearing is to listen with your heart. A good example of this is John 4 where Jesus visits with the woman at the well. This woman proceeds to try to get Jesus off on all kinds of religious (spiritual) issues. However Jesus cuts through all this stuff and says, “Lady, your problem is that you have bad relationships.”
Jesus was truly listening with his heart. He looked deeper than her words and listened to her heart. It is so important to be sympathetic; everyone is hurting (in a large or small way) somewhere. Do you listen with your heart when listening to your spouse; child; friend?
Why is this so important? The number one cause of affairs and marriage breakups is not sexual attraction. Most affairs start because someone found a sympathetic ear at work that they didn’t find at home. They find someone who will look at them in the eye and say, “You matter to me.” Therefore make sure you listen with your eyes and your heart.
The final aid to help your hearing is to make time to listen; you actually schedule it. Experts say the average couple spends 26-minutes a week in serious conversation; that’s less than 4-minutes a day. I challenge you to mark your schedule; date your mate. Go for a walk; go out to dinner; look at each other and ask, “What’s going on in your heart; in your life?”
The most important question of all is of course is how well you listen to God? The number one priority for Christians should be to listen to God. Make time for him—5, 10, 15 minutes a day for some quiet time. Sit down; pray; be quiet; listen to God.
How does God speak? Jesus said, “Whoever hears my words and believes in him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned.” God speaks through the Bible; therefore if you never hear God speak you’re not getting into God’s word. It is important you listen to God each day; worship God each week. You can never ever hear God's word too much.
Truth is that God’s Spirit working in us wants to bring forth fruit of listening and hearing. Let us seek to practice these ideas I shared as a way to help improve how we listen. Let us pray each day that God’s Spirit will help us to truly love each other; to love each other by taking the time to truly listen, hear and understand.