Kabbalah about Sex
A conversation between the Kabbalist and scientist Michael Laitman and the instructors of the Kabbalah Academy Michael Sanilevich and Yevgeny Litvar
July 11, 2007
Content:
· Spiritual roots of sex
· The reason for embarrassment
· "Egoism" and "altruism" in Kabbalah
· What is the Creator’s attitude towards sex?
· There is no answer in our world
· What does a man expect from a woman?
· What does a woman need?
· Kabbalah about love between people of the same sex
· There is only one remedy for all
· Prostitution – is it good or bad?
· Sex underlies all our thoughts
· About the hierarchy of fulfillments
· Surge will be followed by renunciation
Spiritual Roots of Sex
М. Sanilevich: Let’s begin with probably the most trivial question: What are the spiritual roots of sex? Do they exist at all?
М. Laitman: Kabbalah regards everything simply as nature; so there is no need for any apologies and arguments about what is nice and what is not… There are no forbidden issues here. And it doesn’t matter what we are talking about. We may reason about sex, children, big scientific problems, the world crisis, its origin, the disappearance of life, children’s toys or soccer; yet whatever we may discuss, we imply nature. If this or that phenomenon exists in nature, then we analyze it.
Sex is a great, powerful force that absorbs adult people in the course of their entire lives and determines the overwhelming majority of our behavioral motives. Of course, this is a very serious expression of human nature and it lies at the very foundation of our lives. We see that almost all aspects of our lives depend on it: culture, literature, science, relationships, and the very structure of society. In other words, sex, love, and jealousy determine everything.
It is nature’s work within us that makes these things the most important. First of all, without them there would be no continuation of life, whereas nature aspires to continue and develop. Secondly, without sex people would lose a powerful incentive to communicate with one another. A huge superstructure in the form of the human society is based only on this phenomenon, on this inner aspiration, not to mention family and children. Sex determines the entire structure of the universe and the relationship between the sexes. Yet this is not just the relation between sexes; this is also the source of the ultimate pleasure in our world.
Our world’s nature constitutes a desire to receive pleasure. This is the aspiration of elements, atoms, molecules to retain their structure; desire to expand, absorb, gain, divide, procreate; desire to join, alter, adapt, take more space, constantly be in contact and balance with the environment. All of this is an aspiration to enjoy, to be fulfilled.
Perhaps the term “to enjoy” is not quite accurate. Suppose that I lift this book and then drop it; the book will fall to the ground. So where’s the aspiration to enjoy here? Yes, this is an aspiration to achieve maximum balance with surrounding nature, to enjoy greater accumulation, etc. That is to say, inanimate, vegetative, animate, and of course human nature aspires to this; each to the extent of its egoism, desire to find, protect, absorb, determine, and express itself in some way.
The bigger award follows an action, i.e. the greater fulfillment this or that object or phenomenon may provide, the higher and stronger it is, and the quicker it suppresses other phenomena. This is why it is nature’s way to provide maximum pleasure in the relationships between the sexes. Hence, we subconsciously think, choose, seek, compare, and analyze everything relative to this greatest and most poignant phenomenon in our lives.
If we ask psychologists, physiologists, or geneticists, they will no doubt confirm that everything in life is based on the relationships between the sexes. This occurs on the animate level, when by smell and incomprehensible properties we feel enmity or attraction, distance or intimacy to one another at any level (subconscious or conscious).
Kabbalah draws much attention to this because this phenomenon gives us life, movement, expansion, and development. It says that this is the most powerful force in the universe.
The world is divided into male and female constituents. The spiritual root of sex is a spiritual force that fulfills each side during the contact, gives them spiritual pleasure. It is specially designed so in order to bring nature to unity, unification, system, and overall connection.
The reason for embarrassment
М. Sanilevich: If we say that sex is a natural phenomenon, then why are there embarrassment, restrictions, and awkwardness around this issue? Why are people generally ashamed to talk about sex, if it also has a spiritual root?
М. Laitman: It is very interesting to see this on the example from the Bible: Adam and Eve suddenly discovered that they were naked (they had not noticed that previously). They began to feel embarrassed about their nakedness, and made clothes for themselves. Everything started from this. Animals do not feel embarrassed; they just fight for coupling, no more than that. This is where the difference between the animate and human level manifests in the first place.
This is because a human being already feels freedom of will, choice in his actions, in unity with this or that possible partner, in this or that quality of such unity. Since his freedom of will manifests here, a person feels embarrassed. He chooses the quality of his actions; how this can be regarded in the eyes of others; what result this may bring, etc. In other words, everything that refers to sex as well as reception of pleasure in any more or less noticeable portions at the human level has to do with awkwardness. This is because a person can choose how to act. If these actions of ours were not free, but strictly determined by nature, then we would have no special attitude toward them. We would fulfill our functions just like animals do.
М. Sanilevich: Are these actions free or do they only seem free to us? In the previous broadcast we said that a person did not have free will.
М. Laitman: Are they considered free in our world, at our level? Of course not. Ultimately, everything that happens is no more than an egoistical calculation that we make consciously or subconsciously; generally both ways. Yet even at our level we are ashamed of our actions.
In reality, here occurs a very interesting phenomenon: the fact that man’s actions do not contradict nature is concealed from him. It is hidden from him that there is no free will here. However, we are given these feelings to advance in our absolutely egoistical development. Until we reach a level, when we start rising above our nature (including sex and everything that relates to it) and look for spiritual fulfillment.
Be that as it may, everything that refers to sex distinguishes us from animals and is perceived by us as freedom of choice, freedom of will, and this determines our whole life. Regardless of age and the force of a person’s inclination, this is the most powerful sensation at the human level.
Egoism" and "altruism" in Kabbalah
Y. Litvar: What do the notions “egoism” and “altruism” mean in Kabbalah?
М. Laitman: All nature aspires toward pleasure, toward fulfillment. However, when we talk about nature at the inanimate, vegetative, and animate levels, fulfillment comes without the sensation of pleasure. At the human level, when there is a possibility of choosing actions, accumulation of desire, we say that fulfillment has a directed character; it comes from man himself, and therefore it is already called pleasure and not just fulfillment.
Such notions as egoism and altruism are not analyzed in Kabbalah in the framework of our world because, here, we are all forced; we are in nature’s power. Kabbalah explains egoism and altruism as forces that operate above our world, where we rise above corporate nature and start mastering the spiritual world.
Two great forces opposing each other exist there – egoistical and altruistic. They are really opposites, but in our world – below the spiritual level – there is no such distinction. In principle, egoistical motives are always hidden even in what seems to us as manifestations of altruism. We can give examples: a mother who loves her child and is ready to sacrifice her life for it or a person who loves his motherland, family or humanity; his noble impulses, when he risks his life and sacrifices himself – all this, one way or another, is based on a purely egoistical inner calculation. Psychologists know this. These human qualities are used for man’s development and upbringing in various cases (say, in the army or in other communities). In other words, all motives are egoistical.
Y. Litvar: When you use the notions “egoism” and “altruism”, do you imply something different, more profound egoistical and absolutely constrained development than the level of our world?
М. Laitman: No. I cannot speak about the spiritual world without affecting our world. For the description of both the spiritual world and our world, two terms are used. Hence, I will say every time what exactly I imply.
Y. Litvar: The problem of love and sex really concerns everyone. We have received questions on this issue from the internet and during a street survey “Ask the real Kabbalist three questions”, in our meetings with beginners, and from the site for beginners who got interested in Kabbalah.
What is the Creator’s attitude towards sex?
Y. Litvar: What’s the Creator’s attitude to man’s numerous sexual relations? What are the Creator’s moral values in the sexual sphere?
М. Laitman: Generally, man advances toward his goal – to develop and become equal to the Creator – under the influence of two opposite forces: positive and negative; although such definitions of these forces are relative – we simply perceive them this way. In fact, they stem from the same source – Creator, who stimulates our development by affecting us so: desire – pleasure, fulfillment – emptiness, even bigger emptiness – even greater aspiration to be fulfilled, and so on. By alternately provoking these sensations within us, He thus qualitatively develops us.
In other words, the amount of these alternate states of emptiness and fulfillment lead man to certain qualitative assessment of these processes. Everything is based on this: I starve, eat, then starve again, and eat again, etc. This is true about everything: for instance being asleep and being awake. That is to say, everything divides into two alternately opposite states, movements, phenomena. However, it is important for us to know what outcome they bring and how man develops as a result.
Therefore, I would not characterize any phenomena occurring to people as positive or negative; they are quite natural for us. Yet where does man’s freedom come from? How does he use these phenomena? Quite possibly he openly and bluntly uses his egoism while understanding that this use teaches him, drives him, and in the end will quickly lead him to a positive result. Indeed, when we look at man we very often say: “Nothing can be done with him. It is impossible to convince him. Destiny should deal him a couple of blows and then he will learn.”
Everything in nature is designed this way: fulfillment and disappointment, again fulfillment and disappointment; they lead man to a state when he remains empty twofold, threefold, many times. He then starts asking himself: “Why do I need this fulfillment? Why do I need this emptiness? What conclusion do I have to draw from them? What is the final result? Well, I enjoy it at the moment and such moments are quite a few, but then I become empty, lost, and sick. Is it worth chasing some fleeting pleasure?” Indeed, all our pleasures are transient in comparison with the time that is required to achieve them.
All this leads man to the one and only question: “How should one live so as not to pursue all these pleasures? Is such a state attainable, when I simply receive pleasure and remain in this continuous, eternal peace, and feel absolute fulfillment and an eternal, perfect life? When I am not afraid that it will all pass, disappear in a minute and turn out to be a delusion: fill myself right now and the hell with it all tomorrow. Is such a state possible?”
All crises and negative processes that we witness today (disillusionment, suicides, drugs, and sexual perversion) happen due to the lack of a way to achieve the perfect state.
Hence, the promiscuity you are asking about has a natural reason. Man is confronted with a critical question: “Where can I find myself?” This continuous, quick search leads to divorces, promiscuous and sometimes perverted relations. All this serves to complete a certain level of our development and clearly makes us realize that, actually in the framework of our lives, there is no way to receive even a minimal pleasure because, in the next moment, you will feel emptiness twice bigger than prior to the pleasant experience.
This is where the cause of promiscuity and other sex-related problems of our time are hidden. I regard it as a sign of a very potent development of humanity and I am very glad that it is so intense. This means that we are on the verge of a clear realization of uselessness of such existence and a good prospect for raising the question about the meaning of life.
Y. Litvar: Can one say, “Enjoy it – it is good for you”?
М. Laitman: Well, first of all, reception of pleasure is not forbidden in our world. Nature established certain limits to this end. Man adds more restrictions. However, we understand that all this works only very relatively. Humanity is carried away by hypocrisy, takes refuge in portraying itself not the way it really is. The picture of humanity that we draw for ourselves is very different from the existing one. If one looks at us from the outside, this picture will turn out to be much more unsightly. Be that as it may, everything is advancing toward the realization of evil and revelation of our true state. Sex is of great assistance here.