Proper Discipline of Children

Essay #8

Proper Discipline of Children

Ministry With Families

Dr. Jackie Johns

Fred J. Smith, Jr.

Few topics can cause as much debate in society as that of what would be considered the proper discipline of children. It has been interesting to observe the changes in social and cultural viewpoints of discipline even since I was a child. The discipline that I received from my parents could by many standards be considered abusive today as they had no qualms about the use of spankings, or corporal punishment, when I misbehaved. However, there was never any point that I did not understand that the discipline that I was receiving was due to inappropriate behavior on my part and that my parents loved me very much. To say they disciplined by the Proverbs 13:24, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” would be an understatement. However, they always explained to me why I was being disciplined, whether it was by spanking or what we referred to as “being grounded.” Being grounded was the lost of certain privileges for a specified period of time and in all honesty, there were many occasions that I would ask for a spanking because the punishment was over quicker. However, even though I may not have liked their actions they were never unwarranted. Likewise, most families that we socialized with used similar methods of discipline as my parents so I did not think that anything different was happening to me that was not happening to my siblings or my friends.

However, there has been a shift or a transition in the way discipline is approached today and for many individuals, spanking is no no longer a viable option as it is indeed considered harsh and by some abusive. Families today opt for “time-outs,” grounding and other forms of non-physical discipline as a means of correction for misbehaviors. Corporal punishment has all but been removed from the school system as well. As a result, there appears to be an increase of children that are more prone to “acting out.” Who has not been in a restaurant or a store and witnessed a temper tantrum by a child who is not receiving what he or she wants and the parent either appears helpless to know how to correct the situation or indifferent to the child’s behavior. The question then becomes, if spanking is too harsh and non-physical discipline is too lax, what is proper discipline for children? I believe it is a combination of both.

The authors of Sociology of the Family state that children who are reared in homes where the parents are very supportive yet moderately controlling grow up to be healthy, contributing members of society. Research has shown that the outcome for children is much better from this standpoint when parents act as the authority figures at home yet teaching the child how to make appropriate decisions and choices. Although these authors are not proponents of spanking, they spoke of methods such as behaviorism, in which rewards and non-physical punishments are meted out for various actions, as well as the giving or withdrawing privileges. Additionally, focusonthefamily.com supports these methods but also adds room for spankings for children ages 2-6 that are reserved for specific offenses and are never performed in anger. In my opinion, a more complete approach such as the use of both physical and non-physical discipline is the most appropriate approach to discipline. Parent can err by leaning too much in one direction or another. In other words, the punishment should fit the crime so to speak and the parent should be consistent in their stance. A child should also be acutely aware of the consequences of his or her behavior and understand that there are consequences to inappropriate behavior. No-one likes discipline, not the child or a loving parent. Yet parental correction is a necessary part of parenting that helps to shape a child’s character. Hebrews 12:11 says, “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” When a child is raised in a nurturing and loving environment, they should have a clear understanding that there are behaviors and actions that are not acceptable. They should also understand that discipline comes as the result of parents who love them and desire to equip them with good decision making skills and that they are “bad children.” Their decisions or their actions may not have been their best possible choice but the child is not “bad.” Raising children is not easy. Discipline is not easy either. However, it is vitally necessary of we are to train our children not just to be thriving members of society, but to also be good parents themselves someday.

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