A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen San Diego.
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for everyy answer. You will score over 8000.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The show Survivor had the original premise of puttinng people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running frm the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris onace and he will roundhouse you in the face.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy. It is a Chucktatorship.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually e-mail a roundhouse kick.
'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Chuck Norris’ favorite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.
The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
Chuck Norris can juudge a book by its cover.
Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris uses a night-light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
Everybody loves Raymond…except Chuck Norris.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs. Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch; HE decides what time it is.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris; the result is death.
To be or not to be, that is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?