THE BITS…
Rumor has it that Kourtney Kardashianand Scott Disick are expecting their third child. It’s a big responsibility for the couple because it means another mouth to put a silver spoon into.
Rumor has it that Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick are expecting their third child, although their rep refused to comment. That’s not surprising since the Kardashians are so reluctant to share news about themselves.
Katy Perry now says she attracts men because she carries a lot of rose quartz. It would seem that Katy attracts men because of what she carries in her bra.
Katy Perry says she attracts men because she carries a lot of rose quartz with her. Either that, or it’s because she’s rich, famous and attractive.
Pharrell is apologizing after wearing a Native American headdress on a magazine cover. Meanwhile, Arby’s says they want it back.
The NFL says it won’t use the Roman numeral L for Super Bowl 50. However, the NFL says they’ll return to Roman numerals for Super Bowl LI, which will honor actor Jet Li.
The NFL won’t use the Roman numeral L for Super Bowl 50. Apparently they were threatened with a trademark infringement lawsuit by Samuel L. Jackson.
On this date in 1967, the Six Day War broke out in the Middle East and the National Hockey League announced a major expansion. One is an act of senseless fighting, violence and bloodshed and the other was the Six Day War.
SON OF THE BITS…
A video clip of President Obama exercising in the gym at the Marriott Hotel in Warsaw, Poland has gone viral. It’s the first time Obama has been seen surrounded by dumbbells since he addressed Congress.
A video clip of President Obama exercising in the gym at the Marriott Hotel in Warsaw, Poland has gone viral. Obama is seen straining and grunting and sweating…just like when reporters ask him about Benghazi.
According to a new report, The Colbert Report does a better job of keeping people informed than the cable news networks. In fact, The Colbert Report was the first to report that Stephen Colbert would be the new host of the Late Show.
According to a new report, The Colbert Report does a better job of keeping people informed than the cable news networks. In fact, the Colbert Report is the most informative fake news source aside from Fox News.
A man who played a dancing hamster in Kia car commercials has been charged in California with disability fraud. While claiming he was disabled, authorities caught him running in one of those little hamster wheels.
Folgers has announced its biggest price hike for coffee in the last three years. In fact, coffee is getting so expensive that people are starting their day by drinking a cup of printer ink.
Folgers has announced its biggest price hike for coffee in the last three years. In fact, coffee is so expensive that Paris Hilton is now dating the Hills Brothers.
The last of the Navajo Code Talkers has died at the age of 93. Unfortunately, his friends didn’t understand Navajo code talk for ‘quick, call an ambulance.’
TODAY’S AUDIO…
Today on the Bitman audio feed we have clips from So You Think You Can Dance, plusa late night round up with Dave, The Jimmys, Craig, Sethand Conan.
Plus more from Pamela Furr and the Bitman audio archive! It’s all at BitmanComedy.com in the Subscribers area
Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne Munos at United Stations Radio Network at 561-381-7598 or
TINSELTOWN TATTLER…
That second JUSTIN BIEBER N-word video is making the rounds. The video shows a grinning Bieber changing the lyrics to his song "One Less Lonely Girl" and substituting ‘girl’ with the N-word and joking about killing black people and joining the Ku Klux Klan. Someone reportedly tried to extort $1 million from Bieber to keep the video under wraps, but his people tellTMZ that Bieber wanted itreleased "because he wants to own what he did." They say Justin told both Usher and Will Smith about the videos years ago, saying he knew almost immediately it was a stupid thing to do. Usher reportedly showed him historically racist videos to show him how hurtful these words can be. (See here)
CHARLIZE THERON went to the Pinkberry in Hollywood this week and didn’t even have enough money to pay her $3.75 bill. Charlize promised to come back, but after morethan an hour passed, the waitress figured she was out of luck. But, lo and behold, Charlize returned with Sean Penn and slipped the employee named Keila a crisp $100 bill! (See here)
GWYNETH PALTROW seems to be consciously uncoupling herself from reality. Gwyneth offered her thoughts on “the growing science behind the energy of consciousness and its effects on matter” on her website this week. She said she’s a follower of Japanese entrepreneur Masaru Emoto, who claims that human negativity can change the structure of water because “the molecules behave differently depending on the words or music being expressed around it.”
Multiple sources tell Us Weekly says KOURTNEY KARDASHIANand Scott Disick are expecting their third child. However, their rep would only say “no comment,” but the paparazzi has caught Kourtney wearing uncharacteristically baggy clothing.
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 2…
The red carpet nearly got a little blue last night at the CMT awards. The boys from their show "PARTY DOWN SOUTH" revealed plans to reveal themselves on the red carpet. Ryan "Daddy" Richards tweeted that he and Josh Murray planned on whipping them out and sword fighting on the red carpet. However, CMT put their foot down and ordered them to keep zipped up. Even worse for the guys, they were ordered to stay sober during the awards.
CHRIS BROWN’S freedom could be short-lived. The prosecutor in his Washington DC assault case wants the trial to start this month, citing Brown’s admission that the assault violated his Rihanna probation. However, Brown says he didn't specifically admit guilt in the D.C. assault case. Prosecutors want to start the trial on June 25th and it’s now up to a judge to decide.
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD…
ABC has announced the first batch of former BACHELOR and BACHELORETTE contestants who are heading to Mexicofor the spinoff series Bachelor in Paradise. Among them are Clare Crawley, AshLee Frazier, Sarah Herron, Daniella McBride, Michelle Kujawa and Ben Scott.
Like it or not, HEIDI AND SPENCER PRATT are returning to TV. They’ll appear on next week’s CELEBRITY WIFE SWAP, trading places with Olympic medalist Amanda Beard and her husband. Word is they were paid $50,000 for appearing, which is well above the standard $20-30,000 other celebrities get.
MUSIC NOTES…
Here are last week’s top 10 albums (with sales figures) according to Billboard magazine…
1. Coldplay - Ghost Stories - 83,000
2. Brantley Gilbert - Just As I Am - 65,000
3. Mariah Carey - Me. I Am Mariah … The Elusive Chanteuse - 58,000
4. Soundtrack - Frozen - 58,000
5. Austin Mahone - The Secret - 46,000
6. Various - Now 50 - 41,000
7. Michael Jackson - Xscape - 35,000
8. The Black Keys - Turn Blue - 32,000
9. Crowder - Neon Steeple - 22,000
10. Iggy Azalea - The New Classic -18,000
Drawings, poems and short stories from JOHN LENNON sold for major bucks at a Sotheby’s auction yesterday. The top seller was $209,000 for a nine-page parody of Sherlock Holmes called "The Singularge Experience of Miss Anne Duffield." Lennon created much of the material for his 1960’s books "In his Own Write" and "A Spaniard in the Works."
PHARRELL appears on a special collector's edition of Elle U.K.'s July 2014 issue wearing a Native American headdress.Yes, some people had a problem with that and expressed their displeasure under the hashtag NotHappy. Pharrell wasted no time in apologizing saying, "I respect and honor every kind of race, background and culture. I am genuinely sorry."
MUSIC NOTES 2…
KATY PERRY appears on the cover of Cosmopolitan's July issue. Inside the magazine Katie is interviewed by Chelsea Handler and says everything is cool between her and John Mayer, although she hinted that she’s writing songs about their time together. When asked about the longest she's gone without sex Katy said, “Maybe six months or a year. I don't stay single for long." She added, "I carry a lot of rose quartz, which attracts the male."
MARIAH CAREY'S new album, “Me. I Am Mariah… The Elusive Chanteuse,” sold only 58,000 copies, which was her lowest opening week total in the history of the computerized SoundScan sales system, which debuted in 1991. Her previous low seller was 1991's Emotions which sold 156,000 copies in its first week.
The print ad for RIHANNA’S new perfume, Rogue by Rihanna, has been banned in Britain. The ads show Rihanna curled up from the side and naked except for a pair of heels. The ads are being taken down in public areas of England where children could possibly see them.
50 CENT did one of those Reddit "Ask Me Anything" sessions this week and was asked about his horrific first pitch at a New York Mets game last week. Fiddy responded by saying, "I have a skeletal muscle injury on my left shoulder from excessive masturbation so take it easy lol" (See pitch here)
An airplane carrying MIRANDA LAMBERT had to make an emergency landing this week, but she turned the scary situation into a promotional opportunity for her new album, Platinum. Miranda posted a photo on Instagram of her and fellow passengers wearingshiny firefighting gear with the caption, "Our plane had an emergency landing in Clarksburg WV. But don't worry, we found platinum fire suits. Yes!#platinum."
MUSIC NOTES 3…
RANDY TRAVIS made a rare public appearance last weekend at DOLLY PARTON'S concert in Thackerville, Oklahoma. Travis hasn’t been seen much since his stroke last year, but Dolly gave him a shout-out saying, "There are some people you just love and admire for their talents. Tonight, one of those people are here. Randy Travis, wherever you are, I hope you are enjoying the show."
2014 CMT Music Awards Winners
Cassadee Pope: Breakthrough Video of the Year
The Band Perry: Group Video of the Year
Blake Shelton: Male Video of the Year
Alan Jackson: CMT Impact Award
Luke Bryan: Performance of the Year, Collaborative Video of the Year
Lionel Richie: Performance of the Year
Carrie Underwood: Video of the Year
Miranda Lambert: Female Video of the Year
Florida Georgia Line: Duo Video of the Year, Collaborative Video of the Year
TUBULAR…
Daytime:
GMA:Channing Tatum; Emily Blunt; backstage at Jennifer Lopez's concert
CBS This Morning:Musician Pitbull
Today: Robert De Niro; Roseanne Barr; Pharrell performs
Kelly & Michael: Channing Tatum (``22 Jump Street''); Daughtry performs
The View: Guest co-host Roseanne Barr; actor Robert De Niro
The Talk: Actress Felicity Huffman
Queen Latifah:Eva Mendes; Dominic Monaghan Karmin performs (R)
Ellen:Emily Blunt (``Edge of Tomorrow'') (R)
Primetime:
ABC: NBA Finals Game 1 Heat at Spurs
Fox: Hell’s Kitchenred team and blue teams create their own menus for diners
NBC: Orange Is the New Black co-stars Jason Biggs, Laura Prepon and Natasha Lyonne are among the players on Hollywood Game Night, plus Last Comic Standing’s final round of invitationals
ESPN:The latest round of X Games kick off from Austin, Texas
Late Night:
Jimmy Kimmel: 50 Cent; OneRepublic performs
David Letterman: Actor Hugh Jackman
Jimmy Fallon: Mike Myers; astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson; Damon Albarn
Craig Ferguson:Author John Waters; actress Yunjin Kim
Seth Meyers:Actor Jonah Hill; actress Laura Dern
Conan: MMA fighter Jon Jones; Echosmithperforms
THE WATERCOOLER…
Captured U.S. soldier Bowe Bergdahl may be coming home, but he won’t return to the hero’s welcome that had been planned. After it was learned that Bergdahl was actually a deserter, the town of Hailey, Idaho has canceled a celebration planned in his honor after receiving hate calls protesting the event. However, some are now questioning whether he actually deserted.
A video clip of President Obama exercising in the gym at the Marriott Hotel in Warsaw, Poland has gone viral. Obama is seen wearing a black gym suit and going through his routine. The Secret Serviceconfirmed the video was the real deal and said that no one was asked to refrain from taking pictures or video while the president was working out. (See here)
It’s now reported thatThe Colbert Report does a better job of keeping people informed then the cable news networks. A recent study concluded that The Colbert Report did a better job of teaching people about campaign finance in the last presidential election than MSNBC, CNN, Fox News or broadcast evening news. This wasn’t the first study that found viewers of fake news shows are more informed than those of other news sources. A study done in 2012 found that viewers of Jon Stewart’s Daily Show were more informed than Fox News viewers.
Comedienne Lauren Reeves is among the finalists to go on a one-way mission to Mars. The company planning the trip started with some 200,000 applicants and, despite Lauren’s application video being filled with jokes and character acting, the organizers are apparently taking her seriously as she’s one of just 705 people still in the running. In her application video, Lauren says such things as: "Probably the most difficult thing about living on Mars would be the internet connection. Like, what if it's slow?" and "I think the thing that separates me from the other people applying is that I already have a helmet. I wear my helmet everywhere I go and I expect to wear that helmet in space." (See here)
THE WATERCOOLER 2…
Amazon is having a big press conference in Seattle on June 18th that’s said to be a launch event. Amazon isn't saying anything about what's being launched, but Tech Crunch says it's a smartphone that changes orientation just by how it's looked at. They reported last year that Amazon was working on a phone with multiple cameras so the phone could track the user's eyes and head, making a three-dimensional interface possible.
Your morning wake-up call is about to get more expensive. Folgers coffee has announced they’re raising the price on most of its coffee by an average of 9%. That’s the biggest price hike since 2011. They’re blaming it on skyrocketing prices for coffee beans, mostly due to a drought in Brazil, where many of the beans Folgers uses come from.
A Japanese clothing company called Fatyo isn’t making too many friends among plus sized shoppers. They say their line of clothing called "Fat Stance" is "Realistic, high quality, character." Even some of their shirts include prints that say things like "What's Fat to You?" The company sizes their clothing items "titch," "skinny," "fat" and, finally,"Jumbo." While it may seem odd to us, they say it’s not uncommon for Japanese stores to use unconventional sizing labels.
Harvard's rare-book library has confirmed that a 19th-century tome about the soul and an afterlife is bound in human flesh. In the late 1880s, the French author had the book covered with skin from the back of an unclaimed female mental patient who had died of a stroke. By using a technique known as peptide mass fingerprinting, Harvard's expertssay they’re 99.9% certain the binding is human and not parchment made from animals.
SPORTS SHIRT…
The NFL has announced that they are ditching the Roman numerals for Super Bowl 50. Apparently there were concerns over using a sole “L” for the 50th Super Bowl logo, so the 2016 game will use standard numerals, but they’ll revert to Roman characters for Super Bowl LI.
The San Francisco 49ers have signed Colin Kaepernick to a six-year contract extension through the 2020 season. The deal is said to be worth up to $126 million with $61 million in guarantees, topping Drew Brees' $60.5 million as the most guaranteed money in NFL history.
Donald Sterling has dropped his $1 billion lawsuit against the NBA for forcing him to sell the L.A. Clippers. No word on what changed Sterling's mind or if there was any sort of financial settlement with the NBA, but Sterling will still walk away with a big chunk of change from the sale.