THE COMMUNICATION SKILLS
The person -centered approach
Carl Rogers the founder of the Person- Centred Approach to counselling believed that every human has within themselves the ability to grow and sort out their own problems if they have the right conditions and environment to do so. He identified three core conditions that need to be present in the relationship. These are empathy, unconditional positive regard and congruence. He believed that these were both necessary and sufficient for growth to take place. Rogers introduced the idea of the client is the expert and not the counsellor and he pioneered an approach which viewed the client-counsellor relationship as equal.
The Three Core Conditions:
These are a set of attitudes that we hold towards the client that are demonstrated through the skills that we use. Revealing our inner world of private thoughts to someone else can be very scary and make us feel very vulnerable. We may expect to be judged, misunderstood or criticized. In order to help reduce this anxiety we have to build a relationship with the client that is built on trust. Carl Roger the founder of the Person -Centered Approach believed that for this to happen the following three core conditions have to present in the relationship.
- Respect or Unconditional Positive Regard.
This is about valuing the client. Rogers believed that the needfor this is ‘universal for all humans’. His concept of unconditional positive regard means a caring by the helper, ‘a non- judgemental acceptance’ of the client no matter what. If a person is in an environment where there is respect and positive regard then he is more likely to ‘prize himself’ and take a more caring attitude towards himself. It is important that this is offered consistently and not determined by the client’s behaviour. It requires that we suspend our criticisms and judgments, but does nor always mean we have to approve of the other person’s attitudes or behaviours. This can be difficult and in order to do this we have to focus on the person and not the behaviour.
- Genuineness or Congruence.
This is allowing the client to know who you are. It is being real, open ( transparent) without hidden agendas. This demonstrates to the client the helper’s willingness to relate to the client as one human being to another and not to hide behind a professional facade.
- Empathy.
This involves seeing the situation as the client does. This is sometimes referred to as the clients frame of reference “Seeing the world through their eyes” It is not sympathy, which understands a clients feelings because that is how you would feel in the same situation. Empathy is the ability to enter the world of another and to feel what it is like to be that person.
In order to offer empathic understanding to a client the helper needs to have the ability to put his/her experiences on to one side and project themselves into the experience of the client, "as if "the helper were the client. At the same time holding on to their own world to prevent them from getting sucked in to the client's emotions. We need to be uncluttered by our feelings of similar events. Therefore, this skill demands of us to become more aware of our own feelings and to be able to identify them.
It is through the counselling skills that we can demonstrate the core conditions to the client
Listening
Good listening is an active process and involves seeing and reading a person’s body language as well as hearing the words and how they are spoken. Often how a person is really feeling is conveyed through their body language. Observe how things are said, what are the emotions and attitudes behind the words. These can also be displayed in voice intonation. Say little yourself, you can’t listen if you are talking. Engage the speaker by mirroring his/her cues. This doesn’t mean mimic, look for ways to be congruent. For example if the person speaks slowly try to match this.
- You need to show the speaker that you are interested and want to understand them from their frame of reference ( try to see it from their perspective) A good way of doing this is to use paraphrasing and reflecting skills,
This is a skill of using your body language to show the other person that you are listening and interested in what they are saying. It involves:
Sitting squarely
Open posture
Leaning slightly forward
Eye Contact
Relaxed.
Look at the speaker maintaining eye contact; show the person you are interested in what they are saying. Use encouraging words such as “Yes” “I see” “um hum” Using your body language to demonstrate respect and openness—nods smiles etc.
Paraphrasing and Reflecting
These skills are to demonstrate to the other person that you are listening by putting what the person has said into your own words and reflecting it back to them. It is a form of feeding back to check out your understanding.
The skill of paraphrasing reflects back the content of what the client has said. The skill of reflecting reflects back the feelings.
When the speaker pauses, there is an opportunity to confirm that you have been listening and that you are trying to understand what the person is saying by paraphrasing/reflecting what you’ve heard /observed. This can also help to validate the person’s feelings. Try not to interrupt the speaker’s flow but wait until there is a natural pause.
Examples;
- It sounds like it was very upsetting for you…..
- So when he got angry you….
- I can see that you are very angry right now ……
- So what you’re saying is ……..
Pause after you have used the skill to give the other person time to respond. Common signs that the client may give you that you have understood would be nodding or saying yes….and…..the client will usually correct you if you have got it wrong.
SILENCE
It is easy to want to come into the conversation with your thoughts when you are listening to a client. We may want to interrupt, start talking as soon as the client becomes silent and sometimes finish the sentence for the other person.
The use of silence as a skill is crucial in the listening process.
Clients may be:
- Working through their thoughts and feelings and just need space in which to do this.
- Coming to a difficult /embarrassing part in the story and need to think about what they want to say and the words they want to use.
- Winding down and getting ready to go
It is sometimes uncomfortable to allow a longer time for silence than in normal conversation, but it is a very effective skill to learn as it allows the client time and space to reflect.
As any other skills it needs to be practised.
Summarising.
It is a bridging skill a kind of stepping stone in the session. It is when the helper responds either to a series of statements or to the whole session. Clients often tell their stories in a random way and the skill of summarising provides an opportunity to pull the various elements together, into a more coherent statement. It can be used to clarify the client’s main feelings, thoughts and theme of their story. It can help to clarify and focus. It combines the attitudes of empathy and acceptance with the skills of paraphrasing and reflection. The helper or the client can do a summary in a session.
Purpose:
An opportunity for the helper:
- To provide an introduction to a new session and a bridge between the previous session.
- To check out the accuracy of the understanding.
- To provide closure to the session.
- To help focus in the middle of a session by gathering up the main points, and checking this out with the client.
An opportunity for the client:
- To have their feelings, thoughts and experiences validated and clarified.
- To check out whether they have left out anything important.
- To identify themes and contradictions.
- To act as a bridge between exploration and new understanding.
When using the skill of summarising.
- Do not judge or criticise.
- Always work from the client’s ‘frame of reference’
- Be sensitive to the timing, use a natural break in the session and do not interrupt.
- Do not assume you know the most important themes and feelings in the session. Check this out with the client and give them the opportunity to add to, or alter your summary.
- Do not discriminate between issues try and include everything.
- You can get the client to summarise the main points that he/she feels are important.
It is like trying to recapture a journey and pointing out landmarks on the way.
QUESTIONS
Helpers often ask too many questions and when this happens clients can often feel interrogated. Therefore, it is really important that helpers ask questions that serve a purpose that can help the client explore his or her thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
Questions do not have to be dominating to allow exploration and communication to happen, they have a valuable role in encouraging the client to be more specific and focused. The challenge is how to use questions so that communication is open rather than closed.
They need to be used with thought and care so that the person knows that you are interested and present, yet not intrusive.
When you ask questions it is useful to:
Ask one question at a time.
Try not to answer your own questions.
Make your questions concise and clear.
Use closed questions infrequently.
As helpers we need to ask ourselves “Why and for whom am I asking this question? The questions we ask can make a difference in whether a person will open up or close down. It is important therefore to stay close to the client’s ‘frame of reference’.
A good technique is to use questions hand in hand with paraphrasing and reflecting as this will clarify your understanding and keep you in the client’s ‘frame of reference’.
Types of questions.
A closed question.
Usually invites a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer or involves the use of a brief reply.
For example: Did you go to the funeral?
An open question.
These questions open up a conversation and encourage the client to explore the situation. Open questions usually start with words such as - what? how? when? where? who, in what way? can you say?. Tell me how…..
An open ended question allows the person freedom as they do not elicit a particular response.
Elaboration questions- are open questions that help the client expand on what they have started to say. E.g Tell me more about ……..
Open questions encourage the expression of feelings and thoughts. For example; ‘What does this mean to you?
They can encourage more detail - These are aimed to help the client to clarify and focus on key issues: ‘Can you say what it is about your boss that drives you mad?’
Some examples of open-ended questions are.
- What are you feeling?
How are you feeling?
What thoughts do you have about that?
What sensations are you experiencing?
How did it happen?
What do you think will happen next?
What will you do now?
What would you like to happen?
How may I help you?
Unhelpful Questions.
‘Why?’ The effects of why questions can make the clients feel:
attacked, interrogated, criticised. . They can invite
defensiveness.
E.G. Why did you shout at him? Why did you
feel angry?
It can create defensiveness, or dependence on the helper to do the exploration. People often do not know the answer to this question. ‘Why’ questions will move people from their feelings to their thoughts.
Therefore, the ‘why question’ is best avoided altogether.
‘Multiple’ questions ask several different questions at the same
time. These can be very confusing for the client. For
example, When your husband called did you tell him
what happened , does he know how you feel? How
many people were there?
Either/orquestions often come from the helpers frame of
reference and not the clients. They combine open and
closed questions and only present two options when
there may be more.
Eg. “Do you want to drive there or go by bus?” “Well I
thought I'd go by train actually”
Leading questions lead the person towards a particular answer
and are not helpful to the person. The questioner (the
helper) takes the lead and imposes his views on the
client and often there is a judgment inthem.
E.G I expect that you are sorry aren’t you?
FOCUSING
Clients can be very vague about what their problems are and in the beginning often present with issues that are not central to the issue that they want to address. Sometimes, they may speak of several problems at once.
For some clients it is enough to have someone listen to them and this will allow them to explore issues for themselves. Others may need help in changing general statements into more specific ones.
This is when it is effective to use the skill of focusing
It involvesusing questions to help the client be more specific about what they are saying.
Encourages them to take responsibility for what they are saying.
It is encouraging the client to change general comments into specific ones.
The skill can be used .
1. When you are trying to pinpoint a concern.
2. Focus on a particular aspect /topic/issue.
Example:
Client: ‘It is awful at work at the moment’
Helper: ‘What happening to make it awful’
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Introduction to basic counselling