GB: May 2009

THE DIRTY THIRTY & THOUGHTFUL THIRTY

The letter G in the Got Grit? Program represents “getting along with others.” Quite often I use Theodore Roosevelt’s quote when discussing this vital skill. He noted, “The key ingredient in the formula for success is the ability to get along with others.” How do we get along with others? In his book, Positive Words, Powerful Results, Hal Urban offers readers two lists of ‘do’s and don’ts’ to assist people of all ages in forming better relationships with others.

He surveyed hundreds of people and asked them what they don’t like to hear from others. Their responses lead to his list, The Dirty Thirty. Next, he asked the same people what they liked to hear from others. Their responses formed the Thoughtful Thirty.

The Dirty Thirty The Thoughtful Thirty

1. Bragging 1. Give encouragement.

2. Swearing & gross-out language 2. Express thanks.

3. Gossip 3. Acknowledge others.

4. Angry words 4. Extended greetings.

5. Lies 5.Give a compliment.

6. Mean-spirited & hurtful words 6. Congratulate someone.

7. Judging others. 7. Teach, give instructions.

8. Playing “poor me”—the self-pity game 8. Offer words of comfort.

9. Making discouraging remarks 9. Inspire others.

10. Embarrassing & humiliating people 10. Celebrate and cheer.

11. Excessive faultfinding & criticism 11. Inquire, express interest.

12. Complaining, moaning, whining 12. Mend relationships.

13. Rude & inconsiderate language 13. Make others laugh.

14. Teasing 14. Show faith & trust.

15. Manipulation 15. Share good news.

16. Trying to impress others 16. Praise, honor, build up.

17. Ethnic & racial slurs 17. Express caring.

18. Sexist comments 18. Show understanding & empathy.

19. Age-related put-downs 19. Give approval.

20. Being negative, always pointing out what’s wrong 20. Extend an invitation.

21. Threats 21. Show courtesy & respect.

22. Arguing 22. Give advice & counsel.

23. Interrupting—not letting other people finish 23. Apologize.

24. Playing “trump”—always topping others’ stories 24. Forgive.

25. Being a ‘know-it-all’ 25. Offer to help.

26. False flattery 26. Tell the truth.

27. Yelling 27. Point out the good.

28. Talking down to people—being condescending 28. Use terms of affection.

29. Exaggerating 29. Provide valuable information.

30. Blaming & accusing others 30. Communicate love.