THE FAT CAT HASH TRASH Volume 1794

NEXT RUN

RUN DATE HARE WHERE

1795 9-Feb-15 Suellen 26 Eildon Place, Duffy

PAST RUNS FOR CAPITAL

RUN DATE HARE WHERE

1794 2-Feb-15 Frizzy Lizzy Bizant St, Amaroo

Grand Mattress: Queen Latrine

Religious Adviser: Sex Change

Run Report

For some moments in life there are no words…Monday night wasn’t one of those moments…

Frizzy either had an extraordinarily fertile imagination, had taken a full-throttled flight from reality, or had become a rapidly deconstructing nutter… Why? Because before she sent hashers off into the wilderness of Amaroo, she assured us that her trail markings were “robust”. They weren’t…

For the hare’s benefit, below is a definition of “robust”…

Definition – “robust”: strong, sturdy, sound, hardy, healthy, able-bodied. Antonym – feeble, delicate, fragile, frail, puny, debilitated.

As we shuffled off to find trail we stupidly believed we’d encounter “robust” markings on trail… But after only a few hundred metres all we’d spotted were faint chalk scratchings on the pavement… “If that’s robust, then my arse is a biscuit” grumbled somebody… Further on, the trail disappeared completely, leaving muddle-headed hashers wandering off in random directions… Mixo, who as we all know, is congenitally angry, and has usually abused several people by breakfast time, didn’t hold back… “fuck me” he said in a moment of particular eloquence, “what a cluster fuck this is…For this, Frizzy deserves to be whipped naked through the streets”. So began suggestions of interesting and unusual ways of punishing the hare… “she should be publicly pissed on…publicly stoned…tarred and feathered…bludgeoned to death with a piece of cutlery…forced to do the walk of shame naked and barefoot through Amaroo with a piece of “robust” chalk clenched firmly between her buttocks”…and so on…

The run couldn’t end soon enough… By the time we trudged on home, there were strong feelings of nastiness and perniciousness…

Luckily, hashers are pathologically forgetful, so after Frizzy thrust a beer and some food down our throats, we’d all forgotten what we’d been so huffy about, and returned to carrying on like a pack of harmless village idiots…

The circle was the usual riot…

Run Report: Tree Rooter – had unprintable things to say about the hare’s idea of “robustness”, but said that the drink stop made up for the cluster fuck of a trail. Score: 2/10

Walk Report: Richard Gere – (she’s just too nice) thought the walk was beautiful and scenic… Walkers also lost trail… But the drink stop and nibblies were very nice. Score: 6/10

Other stuff worth mentioning:

Returnees – Richard Gere, Dickhead2, Baaaarbaraaa, Tree Rooter, Centrefold, Toy Boy, Gerbils, Poo Shooter

Charges

Frizzy Lizzy & Crying Dick – both collectively fucked up front marking and back marking on trail (and when 1 dick drinks, all dicks drink…)

Sex Change – exsanguination in the circle (and spreading Ebola)

Frizzy – parsimonious trail markings. Misled hashers by claiming they were “robust” markings on trail…pfftttt

Toy Boy – media slut

Frizzy – bragged about getting “creative” with trail markings, so Poo Shooter followed a snail trail he spotted, thinking this was Frizzy’s idea of creative marking

Toy Boy – secret hash training

Gerbils – competitive hash running

Frizzy – succeeded in getting the entire hash pack lost

Hidden Flagon – false charge

Mixo & Mighty – channelled Gerbils…both caught whinging on trail about how disgusting Tun was

Peeping Pervert, Tree Rooter, Weatherman, Drunken Tiger, Hot Link, Pop Tart, Gnash, Poo Shooter, Squatter – wrong hats in circle – non-conformist, subversive, mutinous behaviour

Frizzy – given right of reply: “like Duckhead, I have to do everything”

RA – had a wet dream, or dick dream, which he described using alliterative flourishes

Hot Link – suspicious wet spot on her pants

Baaaarbaraaa – false charge (but foolish enough to be wearing newish shoes)

Crying Dick – new shoes (and when 1 dick drinks, all dicks drink)

Duckhead and Peeping Pervert – looked so similar from behind that Hot Link mistakenly goosed Peeping Pervert instead of Duckhead (so she says)

Incider – slacker – sat and watched others work on weekend

Grease Nipple – interesting and titillating bulge in his pants

Weatherman – for noticing and envying Grease Nipple’s bulge

RA – for bringing winter to hash…it was colder than a witch’s titties!

Betty Boop, Centrefold, Gnash – obvious lack of faith in RA, dressed for rain

Awards

FRB – GM – for standing on the only bit of chalk marked on trail

Little Prick – Mc Taf – umm…dunno…just for being generally annoying I’m guessing

Spit the Dummy – Frizzy Lizzy – it was agreed she needed a butt plug

Big Prick – no show

Anniversaries

Frizzy Lizzy – 199 runs

Gnash – 855 runs

Weatherman – 234 runs

JR – 950 runs

Jokes – Dangles

Announcements:

Hares required Please contact Meat (Hash Trailmaster)

Update on D2HD: D2HD is back in Canberra! He’s in John James Hospital and would love visitors

Canberra Harriettes – this Thursday at Late for Brekky’s (see web site for details)

Rutherglen Bike Hash will be on March 21 2015 (keep date free)

June long weekend – Hash Caravan and Camping weekend planned – contact Babbling if you’re interested

Capital Hash Haberdashery for purchase – chat with Peeping Pervert or Party Pie

Kosciusko to Coast bike ride – cumming up on Easter long weekend – see Mixo or Incider

Check out the RA’s Hash song sheet and sing along to some ribald hash songs! Is there any other kind?

Mighty has been ‘voluntold’ to organise the 2015 Bike Wine tour (March 21 2015)…Anybody interested in being on a Hash sub-committee for this event, contact Mighty at