How To Be A Good Daddy
(Ephesians6:1–4)
Introduction:In 1909, Mrs. James Bruce Dodd thought of her father as she listened to a Mother’s Day sermon in Spokane, Washington. She felt the need for a similar day to honor fathers, so she initiated the process. Sonora Smart Dodd organized the first Father’s Day celebration on June 19, her own father’s birthday. The mayor of Spokane and the governor of Washington State officially supported the event. Dodd’s father, a farmer and Civil War veteran, had been a single father to six young children after the death of his wife. In 1924 President Calvin Coolidge publicly supported plans for a national Father’s Day. The National Father’s Day Committee met for the first time in New York City in 1926. In 1956 a joint resolution of Congress recognized the observance of Father’s Day, and in 1966 President Lyndon Johnson proclaimed Father’s Day to be an official national holiday. In 1972, President Nixon made it permanent by signing a congressional resolution that called for the official recognition of Father’s Day.
About 3500 years before that, God laid down the law to Moses and said in Exodus 20:12, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.” And that is the source of Paul’s quote from our text this morning in Ephesians 6:2-3.
Now men and fathers are often depicted as being simple-minded and clueless. For example…
Somebody said that a woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. But a man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
I read about a woman who was walking with her young daughter. The little girl picked up something from the ground and started to put it in her mouth, but the mother told her to throw it away because it was dirty with germs. “Mommy, how do you know so much?” the girl asked. “Well, it’s on the mommy test,” her mother replied. “You have to know all about such things or you don’t get to be a mommy.” The daughter thought about it a moment, then replied, “OK, I get it. So if you flunk the test you have to be a daddy.”
A father, a mother and their 3 sons, John (the oldest), Mike (middle) and Steve (youngest) were conversing around the table after dinner. The subject of traits of parents being passed on to children came up. The father said, “John has my eyes, Mike has my creativity, and Steve has my intelligence.” And young Steve said, “Daddy, what’s intelligence?”
Maybe it’s with good reason that we are depicted as simple-minded and clueless. It’s certain that all of us fathers today need the instruction that we find in God’s Word pertaining to the relationship of a father with his children. And the Bible teaches us how to be a good daddy.
As Paul is writing to the church at Ephesus in the latter part of chapter 5 and the first part of chapter 6, he is giving instructions about relationships, primarily family relationships. I think that the family has faced challenges in every age and in every area. But because Ephesus was a very large, affluent place full of cultural amenities, the nuclear family must have faced some of the same types of challenges in Paul’s day as families in our country do today.
John MacArthur in writing about the culture of Paul’s day, particularly in Ephesus, said…
Most families were in shambles, and mutual love among family members was almost unheard of. A father’s love for his children would have been hard even to imagine. By the Roman law of patria potestas a father had virtual life and death power not only over his slaves but over his entire household. He could cast any of them out of the house, sell them as slaves, or even kill them—and be accountable to no one. A newborn child was placed at its father’s feet to determine its fate. If the father picked it up, the child was allowed to stay in the home; if the father walked away, it was simply disposed of—much as aborted babies are in our own day. Discarded infants who were healthy and vigorous were collected and taken each night to the town forum, where they would be picked up and raised to be slaves or prostitutes.
I would say that Paul’s instruction about the relationship between parents and children was very much needed in that time and that culture. And I am certain that it is needed just as much if not more in our day and our culture.
As we consider the Biblical instruction about “How To Be A Good Daddy,” we find that there is first an expectation and a responsibility place upon the child. Observe here that…
I. There Is A Duty For Children Involved In This Relationship
(Ephesians6:1–3)
(Ephesians 6:1) Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
John MacArthur wrote…
Tekna (children) does not refer particularly to young children but to all offspring. Sons and daughters still under their parents’ roof are to obey and honor them. Obey has to do with action, and honor has to do with attitude.
A. Notice That The Child’s Duty Includes An Appropriate Action Toward Their Parents
(Ephesians 6:1) Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
1. Let’s Consider The Meaning Of This Action
obey – Greek 5219. hupakouo, hoop-ak-oo'-o; from G5259 and G191; to hear under (as a subordinate), i.e. to listen attentively; by implication to heed or conform to a command or authority:--hearken, be obedient to, obey.
The Thayer’s Greek Lexicon says that this word “obey” (NT:5219 –hupakoúete) means…
to listen, hearken; answer; properly, of one who on a knock at the door comes to listen who it is. It means to hearken to a command, i.e. to obey, be obedient unto, submit to. It has the idea of allowing oneself to be captivated by, governed by, etc.
Kenneth Wuest’s Word Studies from the Greek New Testament says…
“Obey” is hupakouo, the simple verb meaning “to hear,” the prefixed preposition, “under,” the compound verb meaning, “to hear under,” that is, “to hear under” authority. It speaks of the one hearing as being under the authority of someone else. Thus, the verb comes to mean, “to hearken to a command, to obey, to be obedient to, submit to.” The verb is in the present imperative, which construction commands habitual, constant obedience here.
2. Let’s Consider The Motive Of This Action
in the Lord
The Bible Knowledge Commentary says…
The phrase in the Lord does not mean that children are to obey parents only if their parents are believers.
John MacArthur wrote…
In the Lord refers to the sphere of pleasing the Lord, to obeying parents for the Lord’s sake. Children obey their parents as reflective of their obedience to the Lord.
James Cohen said of the phrase “in the Lord”…
The parent’s stronghold is here, when he says, “I must have you obedient, because I am responsible to God for your being so.” And the child’s strong encouragement is in the same thought: “In obeying my parents, I am doing that which is pleasing to God, and I do it because the Lord so bids me.” (From The Biblical Illustrator)
for this is right
Matthew Henry said…
There is a general reason given: For this is right, there is a natural equity in it, God has enjoined it, and it highly becomes Christians. It is the order of nature that parents command and children obey. Though this may seem a hard saying, yet it is duty, and it must be done by such as would please God and approve themselves to him.
MacArthur says…
The basic reason for children to obey and honor their parents is simply that it is right. The rightness is not based on psychological case studies or other human evidence or theory, but on God’s standard of right. God’s declaration makes it right. Dikaios (right) refers to that which is correct, just, righteous—to that which is exactly as it should be.
There is an even greater emphasis given in Colossians 3:20 where Paul said…
(Colossians 3:20) Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
B. Notice That The Child’s Duty Includes An Appropriate Attitude Toward Their Parents
(Ephesians 6:2-3) Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; {3} That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
Marvin Vincent in his Word Studies in the New Testament said…
“Honour” expresses the frame of mind from which obedience proceeds.
1. Consider The Principle Of The Honor Mentioned Here
Again, the commandment is a quote from Exodus 20:12. The word “honour” has the following idea…
honour – Greek 5091. timao, tim-ah'-o; from G5093; to prize, i.e. fix a valuation upon; by impl. to revere:-- value.
5093. timios, tim'-ee-os; includ. the comp. timioteros, tim-ee-o'-ter-os; and the superl. timiotatos, tim-ee-o'-tat-os; from G5092; valuable, i.e. (obj.) costly, or (subj.) honored, esteemed, or (fig.) beloved:--dear, honourable, (more, most) precious, had in reputation.
The Theological Dictionary of the New Testament says that this word “honour” (NT:5092 – tima) has to do with…
The “worth” one ascribes to a person, i.e., “satisfaction,”“compensation,”“evaluation,”“honour.”
It is very common for a child to get an attitude toward their parents. But God’s Word teaches that the right attitude for a child to have toward their mom and dad is that they see them as dear, and beloved, and valuable, and precious; the parent is someone who has great worth in the mind and heart of the child.
2. Consider The Promise Of The Honor Mentioned Here
Here is how the principle and the promise are expressed in Exodus and Ephesians…
(Exodus 20:12) Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
(Ephesians 6:2-3) Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; {3} That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
H. Crosby said…
The promise is of a long and prosperous life. It is so plain that it can admit of no other interpretation.
(From The Biblical Illustrator)
Albert Barnes wrote…
[That it may be well with thee] This is found in the fifth commandment as recorded in Deuteronomy 5:16. The whole commandment as there recorded is, “Honour thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” The meaning here is, that they would be more happy, useful, and virtuous if they obeyed their parents than if they disobeyed them.
[And thou mayest live long on the earth] In the commandment as recorded in Exodus 20:12, the promise is, “that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” This referred to the Promised Land – the land of Canaan. The meaning doubtless, is, that there would be a special providence, securing to those who were obedient to parents length of days.
Chuck Swindoll has said
Dad is not perfect; he would be the first to admit it. Nor is he infallible, much to his own disappointment. Nor altogether fair … nor always right. But there’s one thing he is – always – he is your dad … the only one you’ll ever have. Take it from me, there’s only one thing he needs on Father’s Day. Plain and simple, he needs to hear you say, “Dad, I love you.” That’s the best gift you can give. Nothing you can buy will bring him anywhere near the satisfaction that four-word gift will provide. ‘Dad, I love you.’
(From the Dallas Seminary Daily Devotional, June 3, 2003)
II. There Is A Dad’s Commission Involved In This Relationship
(Ephesians6:4)
(Ephesians 6:4) And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
MacArthur said…
Though patēres (fathers) usually referred to male parents, it was sometimes used of parents in general. Paul has been speaking about both parents in the preceding three verses, and it seems likely that he still has both in mind in this term in verse 4.
A. Paul Mentions The Prohibited Point In Parenting
(Ephesians 6:4) And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
1. Do Not Provoke Them – This May Lead To A Bitterness Of Spirit
provoke … to wrath – Greek 3949. parorgizo, par-org-id'-zo; from G3844 and G3710; to anger alongside, i.e. enrage:--anger, provoke to wrath.
The Theological Dictionary of the New Testament says that “to provoke others to anger” is “to seduce into sin.”
The Jamieson, Fausset, and Brown Commentary says…
Provoke not – by vexatious commands, unreasonable blame, and uncertain temper (Alford) as Colossians 3:21 says, “lest they be discouraged.”
John MacArthur said…
To provoke … to anger suggests a repeated, ongoing pattern of treatment that gradually builds up a deep-seated anger and resentment that boils over in outward hostility.
Albert Barnes said…
[Provoke not your children to wrath] That is, by unreasonable commands; by needless severity; by the manifestation of anger. So govern them, and so punish them-if punishment is necessary-that they shall not lose their confidence in you, but shall love you. The apostle here has hit on the very danger to which parents are most exposed in the government of their children. It is that of souring their temper; of making them feel that the parent is under the influence of anger, and that it is right for them to be so too.
2. Do Not Provoke Them – This May Lead To A Brokenness Of Spirit
Warren Wiersbe wrote…
Paul told the parents, “Don’t use your authority to abuse the child, but to encourage and build the child.” To the Colossians he wrote, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged” (Colossians 3:21). So, the opposite of “provoke” is “encourage.” (From The Bible Exposition Commentary)
(Colossians 3:21) Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
discouraged – Greek 120. athumeo, ath-oo-meh'-o; from a comp. of G1 (as a neg. particle) and G2372 (passion); to be spiritless, i.e. disheartened (without passion – the word suggests a brokenness of spirit):--be dismayed.
B. Paul Mentions The Prescribed Path In Parenting
(Ephesians 6:4) And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
1. This Is Parenting With A Life Goal In Mind
bring them up – Greek 1625. ektrepho, ek-tref'-o; from G1537 and G5142; to rear up to maturity, i.e. (gen.) to cherish or train:--bring up, nourish.
Based on the root words, this word seems to have the idea of bringing the child beyond (our “out of” – ek) the stage of nourishing and parental support and pampering so that they are not dependent upon your level of maturity, but they enter into their own level of maturity, not just physically or emotionally, but as Paul indicates here, spiritually.
Cf. (3 John 1:4) I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.
2. This Is Parenting With The Lord God In Mind
in the nurture and admonition of the Lord(discipline and direction that points them to God)
J. B. Brown said…
The word nurture in the Authorised Version in the original bears the sterner meaning; and refers to the discipline which comes through correction; while admonition suggests counsel, advice, reproof, exhortation, and all the intellectual and moral influences whereby a young soul may be trained for its work.
(From The Biblical Illustrator)
Kenneth Wuest said…
“Nurture” is paideia, “the whole training and education of children which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose, now commands and admonitions, now reproof and punishment” (Thayer). “Admonition” is nouthesia, “exhortation, admonition.” Trench says of this word, “it is a training by word — by the word of encouragement, when that is sufficient, but also by that of remonstrance, of reproof, of blame, where these may be required, as set over against the training by act and discipline which is paideia.”
John MacArthur said…
Nouthesia (instruction or “admonition”) is literally a “putting in mind” and also includes the connotation of correction. It refers to the type of instruction found in the book of Proverbs, where the primary focus is on the training and teaching of children. It does not have as much to do with factual information as with right attitudes and principles of behavior.
The Jamieson, Fausset, and Brown Commentary says…
Of the Lord - such as the Lord approves, and by His Spirit dictates.
Warren Mueller wrote…
A study once disclosed that if both Mom and Dad attend church regularly, 72% of their children remain faithful. If only Dad, 55% remain faithful. If only Mom, 15%. If neither attended regularly, only 6% remain faithful. The statistics speak for themselves – the example of parents and adults is more important than all the efforts of the church and Sunday school. (From the May 1990 issue of Homemade)