An Orange Socks Snapshot Story- Jessica Down syndrome
April 2, 2015. was
The the day we started our beautiful journey to 'Holland'.Holland.
We were about 10 minutes into our 20 20-week ultrasound appointment when I could tell something was off, as the ultrasound tech kept circling the same area of belly over and over until she finally excused herself to go get the doctor. They came back in and uttered the words that shattered my world (at the time), ): "Your son’s heart didn't develop properly. He has two large holes in the middle of his heart and will need open open-heart surgery shortly after birth in order to survive." She then proceeded to tell us that his heart defect was closely associated with Down syndromeSyndrome.I agreed to do an amniocentesis to find out if he, in fact, did have Down syndromesyndrome. I knew the results wouldn't change my love or desire to keep him, but I just needed to know.
The doctor called with the positive results and said he had Down syndrome Syndrome, and I immediately felt a sense of fear and anger I've never experienced before.The negative thoughts flooded my brain for days and weeks. I only felt resentment and anger towards my pregnancy, and I felt like I had lost the baby I had been dreaming of.I told my closest friends and family the news; and their reactions were so overwhelmingly positive and supportive. They showered me with love and told me how amazing he was going to be.They were so so right.
I want any new mother (or father) with a Down syndrome Syndrome diagnosis to know that what you are feeling at first is completely normal. It's okay to feel angry and scared; we fear what we do not know. It's okay to feel alone and like no one else understands what you're feeling. But let me reassure you, those feelingswillchange. Leighton fills me with nothing but love and joy and brings so much happinesseverywherehe goes. Always remember that they are stillyour baby,and they need your love and warmth just like another any other child.
Looking back now at the emotions I felt during the diagnosis time, I feel sad for myself. Sad that I failed to see that he was still my sweet angel, sad that I failed to look for the positives and only saw the negatives, and sad that I was so worried about my own anger and worry that I wasted part of my pregnancy on any emotion other than love towards Leighton. I couldn't imagine my life without Leighton and all the positive impacts he has created for me and for his family. He has taught me so much about unconditional love, to slow down and savor the little accomplishments in life, and most importantly, to stop judging others so much. He is my sunshine, and I can't wait to watch him change this world