How to help your child cope with nightmares
There are a few simple approaches to help your child, whatever age, start to cope with bad dreams. These two strategies will also ultimately teach your child how to handle middle of the night distress on his own.
Comfort and Reassurance
The first thing you want to do when your child awakens frightened is to offer immediate soothing. Depending on the level of distress, make sure he knows he is awake and not dreaming anymore. For young children, differentiating between being asleep and awake can help enormously, since they are just learning that dreams aren’t reality. After reassuring him he is awake, offer comforting words, such as, “The dream is over and I am right here to help you feel better.” Do this while hugging your child, or having some soothing physical contact. Turn on a dim light or nightlight to help rouse him a bit. This will also help make a clearer distinction between him and the dreamstate. Repeat your gentle words until he is calm enough to talk with. Ask him to share the dream, if he remembers it. If he can tell you the details, normalize his fear. “That sounds very scary. If I had that dream, I’d be scared too.” This will also communicate understanding and ease any embarrassment about being afraid.
Change the outcome
As you’re talking with your child about the dream, initiate his getting command over the images and feelings. Ask him to change the end of the dream. This communicates that ultimately, he is in control, and the exercise can also further distance himself from the fear. Suggest something like, “If you were making a scary movie out of your dream, how would YOU change the ending?” Let him re-tell it.
Make sure to keep your “up” time to a minimum. Be with your child long enough to sense when he is relaxing, but not too long to be stimulating. He may balk when you start to go back to bed, but lovingly let him know you trust that he’ll be okay, and that you are nearby. You may want to read a short, comforting story, or tuck him in with a special “nightmare fighting” doll. Unless there is a compelling reason, it is important to not let your child sleep with you, since it can start a pattern that is hard to break. Young children may also find the need to rework the nightmare during the day, so anticipate some repetition through storytelling, art or doll playing.
Good luck and good sleep!