Husband Camps out on Roof to Get His Bed Back

Husband Camps Out on Roof to Get His Bed Back

James Wilson has been camping out on the roof of his home and calling himself "not only the CEO and director of the National Association of Desperate Husbands," but "also a card-carrying member."

So what will it take to get the 33-year-old independent marketing consultant from Redford, Mich., to come back down?

"Well, it is going to take for my wife to finally give in and remove the children from our bedroom, put them in their rightful places, in their own bedroom," he said.

James Wilson and his wife, Valentina, have a 3-month-old daughter, Jayla, and a 2-year-old son, James III. Valentina Wilson says the children will remain sleeping in the marital bed for now.

"Wait until my daughter gets older and he can get the bedroom back to just us," she said.

James Wilson, who has been chronicling his woes on his website www.husbandonstrike.com, says the children are causing an intimacy issue, but his wife says that's not the case.

"We get all the intimacy we need, you know," Valentina Wilson said. (story from http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=1780687)

This story illustrates how important sex is for people, but also how important it is to care about the concerns of your spouse. James didn’t seem to be very concerned about his wife’s worries about her children. But, his wife obviously didn’t care very much about his needs for intimacy (or hers). She thought that his needs were not any different from her needs. If you think that your wife or husbands needs are the same as yours, your relationship will be in BIG BIG trouble.

WHY IS SEX SO IMPORTANT?

Genuine love is one of the most powerful forces in the world. One of MANY examples is the case of Napolean and how he was inspired in his ambitions by his passion for Josephine. God invented sex with all it’s emotions and pleasures. In fact, the pleasure of sex is one of the biggest problems for evolution theory. It is NOT more efficient. There is no reason why 2 person sex should develop since it’s not more efficient than 1 body dividing into 2 (as cells do). Last, the woman’s clitoris has only one function, pleasure. It’s the only organ in the body that has ONLY pleasure as it’s purpose. NONE of these things fit evolution well. But, they fit creation well since God wanted us to enjoy sex. God also designed sex with genuine love to be very important for both men and women for several reasons.

1)  EMOTIONS/INTIMACY: Nat King Cole in the song “Nature Boy” sings, “The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" (you can see videos of this song at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHr8nQP0lkY&feature=related and original at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iq0XJCJ1Srw)
Since intimacy as many songs sing about is one of the most basic desires of both men and women, this is very important. Sex benefits us emotionally in many ways.
A) Sex is strongly connected to our sense of acceptance or rejection by our spouse. If someone is willing to be vulnerable and make love with you, it is a tremendous emotional boost to your self-esteem and sense of acceptance.
B) The pleasure of experiencing sex with your spouse creates incredibly good feelings, memories and something that only you two share. If both of you are actively enjoying sex, it greatly increases the connection and bonding between you. Oxytocin is a hormone that is released during sex. It helps to create emotional bonds (it is the same hormone that helps mothers and babies bond so strongly). The more sex, the greater the bond.
C) Sex (especially without a condom) can help reduce depression in women.
D) It calms people down and helps them be less irritable.
E) It lowers feelings of insecurity.
F) It gives people a positive attitude about life.
G) Sex inspires us, motivates us and helps us know we are really loved by someone else.

2)  HEALTH: A “roll in the hay” (sex) actually improves health significantly. How?
A) Couples who have sex once or twice a week have higher levels of immuno-gobulin A. This helps protect the body (esp. the mouth and respiratory sections) against viruses.
B) Men who had sex 3 times a week or more, reduced their chances of heart attack by 50%. This is probably because energetic sex burns about 200 calories--about the same as running 15 minutes on a treadmill or playing a spirited game of squash. The pulse rate during sex rises from ~70 beats per minute to 150, (similar to an athlete in an intense sports game)
C) Regular sex reduces the chance of prostate cancer for men.
D) Sex boosts levels of testosterone which makes muscles and bones stronger.
E) Just before orgasm, the levels of the hormone oxytocin jump 500%. This releases endorphins, which alleviate the pain of many types. In women, sex also prompts production of estrogen, which can reduce pain.
F) It enables people to sleep better.
G) It helps memory to improve and stimulates brain development.
H) Sex also reduces stress and improves your sense of smell.
(some data from: http://www.forbes.com/health/2005/10/05/cz_af_1005healthslide_2.html?thisSpeed=6000)

3)  SPIRITUALITY: The oneness between a man and a woman is a symbol of the unity that God wants us to have with Him. God invented sex as something immensely pleasurable as well as marriage and families. Being faithful to our marriage partner and experiencing the pleasures of physical and emotional intimacy is something that helps us praise God for His wonderful gifts and it brings us into closer oneness with Him. Spirituality actually increases sexual enjoyment. Redbook magazine in September of 1975 reported a study on the sexuality of 100,000 women. They found that:
"Sexual satisfaction is related significantly to religious belief. With notable consistency, the greater the intensity of a woman's religious convictions, the likelier she is to be highly satisfied with the sexual pleasures of marriage." http://www.probe.org/content/view/943/169/ , Robert J. Levin and Amy Levin, "Sexual Pleasure: The Surprising Preferences of 100,000 Women," Redbook. (September, 1975) p. 52.
This may be because many religious women wait for sex until marriage. This study suggests that sexual activity before marriage detracts from, not contributes to, sexual responsiveness and enjoyment in marriage. It would also suggest that one road to sexual pleasure is the development of one's personal, spiritual life.

WHY WAIT FOR SEX UNTIL MARRIAGE?

In some ways sex can be compared to a fire. It’s wonderful and creates all kinds of good feelings in the right places (in a fireplace in a home for example), but in the wrong places it can be very destructive. Many religions and cultures have said that sex should be saved for the marriage relationship. Scientists are now confirming that this is best. Here are just a few of the reasons:

Here are some research studies on why it’s better to wait for sex until marriage:

· PREMARITAL SEX INCREASES RISK OF DIVORCE: According to a study by the National Survey of Family Growth, Couples who engage in sex before marriage are far more likely to divorce. The study found that women who have sex before marriage are 60 percent more likely to divorce. This is one good scientific reason to follow the Bible’s warnings against sex before marriage.

· SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE INCREASES CHANCES OF ADULTERY AFTER MARRIAGE: The more promiscuous you are before marriage, the more likely you are to commit adultery AFTER marriage. (The sexually self-indulgent have had no practice in self-restraint.)

· PEOPLE WHO WAIT TILL MARRIAGE TO HAVE SEX, ENJOY IT MORE: A few years ago the Family Research Council surveyed 1,100 people about their sexual satisfaction. William Mattox, Jr. explained the results. The poll "found that 72 percent of all married ‘traditionalists' (those who ‘strongly' believe out of wedlock sex is wrong) report high sexual satisfaction. This is," Mattox said, "roughly 31 percentage points higher than the level registered by unmarried ‘non-traditionalists' (those who have no or only some objection to sex outside of marriage) and 13 percentage points higher than that registered by married non-traditionalists." (this means, those who are married who think it’s OK to have sex before marriage)

· PEOPLE WHO WAIT TO HAVE SEX, HAVE MANY MORE ORGASMS IN MARRIAGE: Mattox noted that the survey "found that strictly monogamous women experienced orgasm during sex more than twice as often as promiscuous women." He quoted National Institutes of Health researcher David Larson, who says that couples who don't sleep together before marriage and who are faithful during marriage "are more satisfied with their current sex life and also with their marriages compared to those who were involved sexually before marriage." 1 See "The Hottest Valentines: the Startling Secret of What Makes You a High-Voltage Lover," by William R. Mattox Jr., The Washington Post, Feb. 13, 1994, http://www.troubledwith.com/LoveandSex/A000000350.cfm?topic=love%20and%20sex%3A%20sex%20before%20marriage

Here are some other reasons why it’s best to keep sex until marriage:

1)  DISEASE: If you are sexually active with multiple partners, the risks of getting sexual diseases rises enormously. Aids is the one everyone hears about, but there are many others like syphilis, gonnorhea and more. The results of these diseases ranges from death to destroying the ability to have children to constant and serious discomfort and others. According to Forbes magazine, having sex with multiple partners can, all by itself, raise a man's risk of cancer by up to 40%. Condoms and things like that are not safe as they claim. Viruses are up to 500 times smaller than sperm and have gotten through condoms in some cases.

2)  PREGNANCY: Sex of course is the way that women get pregnant and if you don’t use protection, there’s a high risk of pregnancy. Once you’re pregnant, the choices all have heavy responsibilities. Taking care of children before you’re ready can drastically change your life plans. And abortion is emotionally traumatic to a woman, even long after it’s done. So, this is a major risk factor in having sex.

3)  PREMARITAL SEX CAN KILL RELATIONSHIPS: Sex is great in marriage, but since it’s such a powerful experience, it is easy for it to become the only focus of a dating relationship.One college student writes,
”I had a college sweetheart, the girl of my dreams. With her, there was never a dull moment. We totally "clicked." We waited for awhile, then, through my initiation, we started having sex.
Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. I stopped wanting to get to know her on any other level. And so, instead of growing closer together, we actually started drifting apart. That's what I mean by "sex killed my best relationships." Quoted from: http://www.iamnext.com/sexandlove/newsex.html
When a couple insists on a premature beginning for sexual intercourse, their interpersonal communications tends to slack off. Ironically, in their coming together sexually, the couple may lose the very thing they really wanted. . .intimacy and companionship. Studies show that men and women who experiment with sex outside of marriage are much more likely to break up. Current studies show that from one-third to one-half of all engagements are broken. (23) Robert O. Blood Jr., in his standard work, Marriage, says that:
"Intimacy produces more broken relationships than strengthened ones. More engagements were broken by Burgess and Wallin's couples who had intercourse than by those who did not. . .and the more frequent the intercourse, the larger the proportion of rings returned. Robert O. Blood, Jr., Marriage, 2nd edition (New York: Free Press). Quoted in Family Life Magazine, October, 1972, p. 2.

4)  BONDING PROBLEMS: Sex is one of the most powerful experiences we can have. All the energy of our bodies, both physical and emotion is in high gear during this experience. When you have this kind of deep connecting experience with someone, the pain of breaking up can be severe. It’s bad enough to break up at any time. But, if sex is involved, the pain is much more severe. And it’s often impossible to be friends again with that person who knows you so well and rejected you. If you are rejected after being vulnerable with someone like this…it’s much harder to recover. Research shows that if we have about 4-5 sexual partners, it becomes very difficult to really bond with anyone else at a deep level. One college guy said,
"I've been so many places and _____ (had intercourse with) so many that I've begun to look at girls as objects instead of people. I don't know if I can find my way back." http://www.probe.org/content/view/943/169/

5)  EXPECTATIONS/COMPARING TO OTHERS: Sex is one of the most powerful experiences a human being can have. So, if you do have sex with other partners before marriage, you will not forget it easily. If your partners has more sexual experiences, it’s likely that you will have more difficulty satisfying him/her. Do you really want to have those images in your mind when you are with your wife or husband the first time (or 2nd, 3rd, 1000th)? Do you want them comparing you to the lovers they had before? Do you want the expectations of sex to be decided by someone else outside your marriage?

6)  TRUST/ONE UNIQUE EXPERIENCE: Sex is one of the few unique things that marriage offers. It’s one of the special privileges of marriage. If you keep yourself pure, it’s something that you and your spouse can treasure and experiment with and grow and learn together. If your partner made love to other girls/guys before marriage, it’s more difficult to trust that he/she will stay faithful after marriage. So, sex before marriage undermines the trust that is critical for marriages to succeed.