Encouragement: Using More Carrots Than Sticks

Encouragement: Using More Carrots than Sticks

All of us need a pat on the back now and then to help us get through difficult times or situations but children thrive and learn from it. Encouragement can get them through difficult periods and help them rise to their potential. It can also be an important stepping stone to help them learn and grow.

There is no doubt that children need a regular schedule and consistent rules and discipline in order to be successful in life and school, but many parents and educators have discovered that they also do better when they have a supportive and encouraging environment. There may be times to use the proverbial stick with our children but as scientists have found the carrots of encouragement also play an important role in the learning process.

There is a wealth of research information available now as a result of lab experiments involving non-human subjects that clearly make the link with improved performance to a series of scheduled rewards. Dogs have been motivated through small treats to salivate at the sound of a dinner bell and rats and mice can successfully navigate their way through elaborate mazes to reach a pellet of food at the end. The same basic principles apply to humans of all ages but especially to children since they can be excited at a small reward much more readily than older people.

But even if the same principles apply children today are much more complex creatures than laboratory animals. Not only do we want them to succeed at the simple tasks of life and learning, we also want them to develop such intangibles as initiative and creativity as well as to have positive self-esteem about themselves. That might mean that we have to be careful in how we dole out rewards. Too many rewards too early may even have the reverse effect of limiting our children's growth as they settle for the small pellet of food like the animal in the maze.

But one thing we cannot give too much of to our children is acknowledgement when they do a good job or encouragement to keep going when things get tough. Acknowledgement is more than just words of praise for each minor success; it is helping them to self-appreciate the value of making progress and can certainly contribute to their sense of self esteem. Encouragement is even more important to a child's psychological well-being. It lets them know that they are not alone as they are struggling to find a way forward and that have support they can call on when a problem or situation seems unsolvable.

There are a number of ways that we can actively acknowledge and encourage our children that can build a supportive environment. They include helping a child to experience successes on their own so that they can internalize the pleasure of making progress or mastering a new skill. We can help a child to learn to ride a bicycle but sooner or later we have to let go of the bike so that they can experience the feeling themselves.

We can also assist them to understand the value of success by probing a little deeper into their feelings after they have achieved a milestone. Everybody appreciates praise when they've done a good thing but asking a child how it felt to score a goal on the football field or winning an essay contest in school gives them an opportunity to talk about it and to appreciate their success even more.

Finally we can really use acknowledgment and encouragement with our children when we use "I" statements to validate their achievements. Sharing your own feelings in this way allows you to connect to them in a positive and supportive manner while still allowing them to enjoy their own feelings of success.