ELC3401 English in the Workplace for FCLU Students 06/07
Unit 2 Writing Workplace Correspondence
Key to Resources
Section 2 Pronunciation practice
Words with /s/personnel / install
decision
sold
interpersonal / also
special / comparison
surveyor
suggestion / concern
self-service
Words with /ʃ/
demolish
pressure
co-ordination
professional / initiative
decision / financial
direction
special / potential
[suggestion]
(one variant)
should / promotion
proficient
‘measure’ – has a /ʒ/
‘proposal’ – has a /z/
‘decision’ – has a /s/ and a /ʒ/
Section 3 Useful language/expressions for telephone conversations
Expressions used in the conversations
Functions / ExpressionsGreetings
Identifying oneself / · Good morning, Far East Construction.
· Good morning. My name’s Cass Li.
· Good morning. My name is Nick Foster from Hong Kong Software.
· Hello, Stephen Edwards here.
· Hello, Stephen Edwards.
· Hello, Nick. This is Stephen Edwards from Far East Construction.
· Hello, this is Nancy Chan from Far East Construction.
· It’s Nancy here.
· Nick Foster speaking.
· Nick Foster here.
Providing background information / · I’m calling about the Assistant Surveyor post that you advertised in the South China Morning Post on Saturday.
· I’m calling to ask if you could come in sometime next week. I’d like to go over a few things with you before you start work.
· I’m calling about the presentation we’re going to do for you.
Asking for information / · I would like to clarify two points.
· The first thing I’d like to know is …
· What was the problem?
· How long would the demonstration take?
Asking for assistance / · I was wondering if it would be possible to rearrange the interview.
· I’m calling to ask if it would be possible to change the date of my interview.
Confirming appointments/arrangements / · How about you? Would you be reasonably free after Thursday?
· Is Wednesday OK?
· Are you doing anything at lunch time?
· Can we say, provisionally, Thursday next week?
· Would one day next week be convenient to demonstrate the software to you?
· What about delivering and installing the software? When would you like that? We could do that possibly on Monday. How would that suit you?
· Which day would be the best for your staff?
· Could you come in Thursday morning, say, ten o’clock?
· Are you free that afternoon?
· I was hoping that one of those days would be suitable for you.
· So you said 10:30. Will that be the best time?
· Yes, 10:30 will be the best.
· Thank you. That’s all arranged then.
· I think that would be OK.
Checking back / It is Mr. Foster from Hong Kong Software, is that right?
Asking for repetition / –
Suggesting alternatives / · How about Thursday?
· I think the best we can do is to do another demonstration for you, starting at the beginning.
Closing the conversation / · Thank you for clarifying this point. That’s very helpful.
· Thank you for your interest in our company, and we look forward to receiving your application. Good bye.
· Thank you very much for rearranging the interview. I do appreciate it.
· Thank you. I will talk to you later then. Good bye.
· Fine, talk to you later. Bye.
· I’ll hear from you later. Good bye for now.
· I’ll speak to you later then. Good bye.
· I’ll see you on Thursday. Good bye.
· Thank you. Good bye.
Section 5 Part 1
Section 5 Part 2
Comments on the content of Letters 1A and 1B (pages 54 and 55)
Selecting and organising information / Letter 1A / Letter 1BIs the purpose clearly stated?
Where in the letter is it stated? / Not clear enough;
‘these matters’ – vague and unclear;
lacks reference information;
should specify problems with management services / Yes, in the first paragraph
Has the sender attempted to maintain goodwill?
Give examples. / Yes, in closing paragraph, but maybe not so explicitly; should not write ‘as a gesture of goodwill’ – the phrase does not cohere with ‘please accept our apologies’ / Yes, in general tone, but not explicitly offering to be of further service;
final sentence rather vague
Is all the necessary information included? Explain. / No (see point 1 above);
also not clear what ‘suggest residents to find spare keys by themselves’ means – how?
/ Yes, detailed logical account of strategies for problem-solving
Is there any unnecessary information?
Give examples. / Yes. Too much detailed explanation perhaps in para.2 on change of staff;
needs conciseness. / No.
Is the action clearly stated? Explain. / Yes.
– revised existing policy (para.2);
– offers to consult residents (para.3);
– considering the use of a password lock (para.4);
– dismissed staff member,
and introduced training course (para.5) / Yes.
– prepared extra set of spare keys (para.3);
– will increase the frequency of on-the-floor checks (para.4);
– will ensure closer links with Residents’ Committee
(para.5)
Is the information logically sequenced? Explain. / Yes, addresses each set of problems in turn / Yes, each point answered in turn;
greeting → purpose → details/action → close
Proofreading Letters 1A and 1B (pages 54 and 55)
Letter 1A (Suggested answers are shown in the third column.)
1. incorrect preposition / line 1, para.1 / ‘apologies for’2. missing article / line 2, para.3 / ‘the back stairs’
3. ‘It is sorry to hear that any losting keys of garbage room.’ / line 1, para. 4 / Perhaps: ‘I was sorry to hear that some keys to the garbage room were lost.’
4. a word order problem / line 2, para.5 / ‘we have also introduced…
5. ‘Finally, after our investigation, we find that one of our staff in the management office is really at fault.’ / line 1–2, para. 5 / two tense errors: ‘found’ and ‘was’
also: ‘staff members’ would arguably be better here, ‘staff’ being uncountable.
6. ‘Moreover, we also have introduced a training course …’ / line 2, para. 5 / (delete ‘Moreover’)
‘We have also introduced a training course …’
Format
1. lacking line space between date and address
2. Receiver’s name should be written in full
3. Open punctuation format not used consistently / 25 March 2006
Mr Tony Chow
no commas in the address, so no commas needed with the greeting ‘Dear Mr Chow’ and the closing ‘Yours sincerely’
Letter 1B (Suggested answers are shown in the third column.)
1. tense error: ‘look into’ / line 2, para.1 / ‘looked into’2. tense error: ‘is entirely’ / line 1, para.3 / ‘was entirely’
3. an incorrect preposition / line 2, para.5 / ‘participate more in our state management’
4. ‘On our management staff services, it caused us a good deal of concern and we have brought this event into investigation.’ / line 1-2, para.6 / Suggestion for rewriting:
‘We were very concerned to maintain the quality of our management services and have investigated these matters closely.’
5. ‘We believe that such event is only one or two who are never in majorities.’ / line 2–3, para. 6 / Maybe: ‘We believe that such an event is exceptional.’
Format
1. Receiver’s name missing above the address
2. Open punctuation format not used consistently / Mr Tony Chow
4/F Richland Court
Ma On Shan
Yours sincerely (no comma)
Section 6
Degrees of distance
Additional notes on degrees of distance shown in the two documents by Jim Lee:
Email / Memo1. Purpose / to congratulate
/ to admonish
2. Sender / the same writer: Jim Lee, Operations Manager
3. Receivers / the same: all staff
4. Context / The service/technical support staff have done well by meeting their targets. / The service/technical support staff have not met their targets.
Good news. Jim Lee wants
to boost morale by congratulating the service/technical support staff in front of all staff. / Bad news. Jim Lee has to admonish the service/technical support staff but has to avoid doing so in front of the whole staff.
Tone in business correspondence (page 59)
Email 1 lateral
Email 2 down
Email 3 down
Email 4 lateral/down (for contrast with Email 3; Email 3 is more direct)
Using the ‘YOU’ approach (reader benefits) approach in business writing (page 61)
There are many ways to rewrite the sentences with a better tone. Here are some suggestions:
1. Your watch is backed by a one-year warranty.
2. You will receive your goods by next Friday.
3. By paying the full amount of HK$175,000 by next Monday, you will maintain your good trading credibility.
4. We will deliver the books to you early next month.
5. Please refer to page 1 for the instructions to operate the machine.
6. We will be happy to refund your deposit as soon as you can provide us with some form of identification.
7. We are happy to refund if the returned goods are in good condition.
8. We are happy to send you samples as soon as we receive your payment.
Exercise on the use of ‘would’ in workplace correspondence (page 61)
Part A
1. B. Perhaps you would like to try our new products?
(Answer: B is more polite. “Would like” is used to politely offer someone something or invite someone to do something.)
2. A. Would you please send me the order by 12 January, 2005?
B. Could you please send me the order by 12 January, 2005?
(Answer: A and B are very polite phrases. “Would” = “Could” in this case)
3. B. The sales target has not been achieved.
– The given sentence indicates a possible past event: that the other departments might not have shown equal commitment; thus the sentence is about the possible result of a past event and not about the future.
(Answer: B. This sentence indicates the result or effect of a possible event in the past.)
4. A. I would be grateful if you could send me the cheque by 12 January, 2005.
C. I should be grateful if you would send me the cheque by 12 January, 2005.
(Answer: A and C are more appropriate. Note the parallel structure of would/could and should/would. B has a stylistic problem because there are two “would” in the sentence and they are used too closely.)
5. B. I will give you a better deal if I can.
(Answer: B. “Would” is used together with the “if” clause to indicate something which is unlikely to happen. Therefore, sentence A means the speaker cannot or is not able to give a better deal.)
6. A. “I would like you to send me the relevant documents this afternoon,”
(Answer: A. This is a polite order from a boss to a junior staff member.)
Exercise on the use of “should” in workplace correspondence
Part A
1. “You should have posted the letters this morning!” the manager said angrily to an office assistant pointing at the urgent letters.
A. The manager wants the office assistant to post all the letters immediately.
B. The manager wanted the office assistant to send the letters that morning, but he did not send them.
2. Should there be a problem, I hope you will call me immediately.
(in a workplace letter.)
A. The sentence suggests “There might be a problem”
B. The sentence implies “There is a problem.”
3. I should be grateful if you could send me a catalogue before the end of January.
(in a workplace letter asking for product information)
A. The writer gives advice in the sentence.
B. The writer wants to show politeness as he is requesting something from the recipient.
4. Staff members should turn off their mobile phones during meetings.
(on a notice outside a meeting room)
A. The sentence indicates that it is an obligation for staff members to turn off mobile phones.
B. This sentence suggests that staff members may turn off their mobile phones if they want.
Section 10 Exercise on prepositional errors in workplace correspondence (page 65)
Dear Mr. Chui
Re: Reservation of conference rooms
This is to confirm our conversation in the telephone this / onmorning concerning about our plan to book two conference / about
rooms at your hotel for our annual kick-off meeting.
Our company would like to reserve two rooms between 2nd January, / from
2002 to 3rd January, 2002. Approximately 60 people will attend the
meeting. We will need thirty long tables, fifteen in each room,
two over-head projectors and two laptop computers. Lunch should
be served on both days at 1:00 p.m. sharp.
A number of colleagues mentioned about the food quality of the buffet / about
lunch in last year. They complained that the coffee was sour / in
and some of the fruit was not fresh. I would be grateful if you could
tell your restaurant manager our concerns.
Since I am going to a conference in England in next week, / in
please contact with me before 25 May, 2006. Please e-mail / with
me at or phone to me at 9337 2870. / to
Yours sincerely