Source: www.pref.chiba.jp/syozoku/b_dankyou/main/dv/lecture/seminar03/repo2-2.pdf
Men’s resource center
S U P P O R T I N G M E N ◆ C H A L L E N G I N G V I O L E N C E
Men’s resource center of western massachusetts
236 No. Pleasant Street ◆ Amherst, mass. 01002 ◆ (413) 253-9887
Fax: (413) 253-4801 ◆ E-mail:
Seminar on the Men’s Resource Center
Presented by Steven Botkin
Japan, October 2003
A. Introduction to the Men’s Resource Center
1. Slide show
2. History of the Men’s Resource Center
3. Strategies for ending domestic violence
a) work directly with men who have been violent or abusive in their families
b) support men to work to change the bigger problem of sexism that is at the root of domestic
violence
B. Social conditions that cause domestic violence
1. Social expectation for women and men
a) Men – invulnerable, tough, dominant, in control
b) Women – vulnerable, weak, subservient, deferential
2. Problems with these social expectations
a) Forces men and women to deny and repress essential parts of our humanity
b) Trains men to dominate women and expect women to serve them
C. Men’s Resource Center programs
1. Goals
a) to help men and boys question rigid social expectations and learn more healthy ways
to be a man
b) to expose the costs and damages to men of using domination and violence to achieve
power and success
c) to support women speaking out and organizing for women’s safety
d) to practice respect, compassion and equality in relationships
2. Different kinds of programs
a) Men’s groups
1) Offender education groups
2) Fathering groups
3) Young men’s groups
4) Groups for men who were abused as children
5) Gay men’s groups
6) Groups for men in prison
b) Community education and cultural change
1) Workshops to schools, universities and community organizations
2) Training men to organize men’s programs
3) Voice Male magazine
4) Website (www.mensresourcecenter.org) and email newsletter
D. Men’s Resource Center approach to offender education
1. Coordinated system of community agencies
a) Services for victim safety
b) Legal sanctions
c) Police enforcement
d) Court involvement
e) Offender education
f) Community education and cultural change
2. Goals of our offender education program
a) to help men to recognize violence in ourselves, our families and our communities
b) to take responsibility for any of the ways we have committed violence, abuse or
domination of others, without using blame to excuse our behavior
c) to understand all of the negative consequences for violent, dominating and abusive
behavior, legal consequences, relationship consequences, and consequences to selfrespect
d) to learn and practice new strategies for feeling safe and powerful that substitute
respect and equality for violence and domination
E. Messages from the Men’s Resource Center
1. Message to men
a) Listen to women, support women speaking out and organizing for safety and
empowerment
b) Find opportunities to talk with other men. Bring up the issues. Look for other men
who care. Support each other. Invite other men to join you in a meeting. Build a
network of men committed to personal and social change.
c) Speak out publicly. Write letters to newspapers. Distribute information about
domestic violence. Talk in schools and community groups. Sign the ending men’s
violence pledge.
d) Learn to understand and express your feelings, especially tenderness, sadness and
fear. Allow yourself to feel vulnerable. Ask for help.
e) You have an important role to play in a process of social change that is in the best
interests of both women and men.
f) We want to be your allies and your colleagues in this process.
2. Messages to women
a) You deserve safety, equality and respect.
b) Your voices are leading the way.
c) Men can and will learn to support your independence and your leadership
d) These changes are in the best interests of men
e) We want to be your allies and your colleagues in this process.
3. Messages to everyone
a) Learn to recognize domination, abuse and violence in all of its forms. Remember
that the little disrespects build up. It is woven deeply into the fabric of our societies.
b) Build alliances and collaborations with each other. Find ways to listen to each
others’ hurts and fears without blame or shame.
c) Use the deep cultural and spiritual values of equality and respect to remind the
society about true power and success.
d) Listen to the children. Don’t make them give up their wholeness in order to fit into
narrow expectations of women and men. Encourage them to be strong and tender,
independent and vulnerable. Help them to see that domination, abuse and violence is
not necessary to be powerful and successful.
Why a Men’s Center
By Steven Botkin, Executive Director
Men’s Resource Center of Western Massachusetts
Twenty-one years ago a small group of men decided to create a local organization to promote
community and anti-sexist activism among men. We were inspired by feminism, the early literature
of the “men’s movement” and our own personal experiences with challenging the dominating forms
of masculinity. We wanted to create male identities and masculine culture that more authentically
reflected the diverse realities of men’s lives. We knew that the oppression of women and the
dehumanization of men were two sides of the same coin. We knew that homophobia was directly
linked to men’s fear about expressing who we really are, and that racism, classism and ableism were
demanding that we fight for one “right” way to be a man. And we knew that many truths about men,
truths that we all needed to hear, were buried under the weight of the power and privilege we were
offered if only we would keep silent.
We called ourselves the Men’s Resource Connection, because we believed that by connecting with
each other we would find the support to overcome our fears, break the silence, challenge the
violence of sexism and gender rigidity, and give expression to our wonderful diversity. By 1990 we
had developed the Men Overcoming Violence batterer program, Youth Programs, weekend retreats,
and workshops for colleges and human service organizations. Since we were then operating out of
our first offices, we decided to change our name to the Men’s Resource Center of Western
Massachusetts.
Now, 21 years after our founding, there are still very few men’s center in the United States, in the
world for that matter. Step by step we have created the MRC as a model of what is possible – a
vibrant, grassroots, community-based men’s center that is more than a passing fad catching the eye
of the media.
If men's centers are truly going to become an ongoing part of the fabric of our society we all need to
understand and support the reasons for having a men's center in our communities. Because few of us
have any of experience of a men's center, and because there are many voices of suspicion and fear,
we need careful, and repeated explanations of why a men's center is so valuable. Here are some of
our answers to the question, “Why a men’s center?”
Because men are hurting. Many men are in pain. This pain can be physical, mental or emotional,
usually all three. Some men recognize it, many men do not. Often men try not to pay attention to
their pain. We have learned to "suck it up", "hold it in", "walk it off". We believe that admitting our
pain to others is an admission of weakness, proof of not being a "real man", letting others down. And
we know it is frequently an invitation to be shamed and abused. We often end up isolated and afraid
in our pain. Addictive and abusive behaviors are one way we attempt to cope with this hidden pain.
At a men's center a safe place is created where men are encouraged to respect the full range of our
feelings, where we do not have to deny our pain, our fear, our anger or our joy, where men come
together to witness and support each other in expressing ourselves clearly and honestly. We break
through our fears and learn that our greatest strength is in our vulnerability with ourselves and
others.
Because men are hurting others. Violence in our relationships, in our families, on our streets, and
in our schools continues to be one of the most significant social issues of our time. Much (although
not all) of this violence seems to be done by men and teen-age boys. Although we have a growing
number of legal and social services for victims of violence, our society has not yet developed an
array of effective resources for addressing the perpetrators.
At a men's center men join together in learning how to recognize and take responsibility for our
patterns of hurtful behavior. We examine how the social and psychological dimensions of
masculinity have affected us personally and created the conditions for violence and abuse. We share
and support each other's efforts to change these patterns, individually and culturally. We join as
allies with women in challenging cultural and institutional systems of domination and control. We
offer each other and our society models of recovery, safety, empowerment and hope.
Because men are divided against each other. From an early age males learn to compete against
each other. We are taught to think about ourselves literally as potential soldiers fighting other men to
the death in combat. Other men are seen as enemies, dangerous, someone from whom I have to
defend myself and my family, someone competing for limited resources. We have used differences
of race, nationality, class, and sexual orientation as battlegrounds for our fear of other men.
At a men's center men come together with an agreement of honesty and respect for each other. We
learn to put aside our fears and create a culture where we can practice understanding rather than
winning, communication rather than fighting, sharing rather than defending. We become a place
where men from different backgrounds, lifestyles and communities can learn to feel safe with, listen
to and care for each other.
Because masculinity is in transition. Our understanding of what it takes to be a successful man is
going through big changes. We are being called upon to develop new ways of relating to our
emotions, our partners/wives, our children, and our work. This can easily leave us feeling confused,
disoriented and overwhelmed.
At a men's center men find others who are facing these changes. Together we resist the pressures to
adapt to a rigid, dominating masculinity, and support each other in developing diverse ways of
being a man that express our highest values and visions. We are creating a new, more healthy
culture of masculinity.
Because men want to help. Many men care about violence, oppression, inequality, liberation and
healing. Although we may want to take a stand, speak out, make a difference, we often feel uncertain,
scared, isolated, silenced and powerless.
At a men's center men join together with other men who want to make a contribution to the lives of
the men, women and children in our communities. Together we find ways to take actions that give
voice to our caring and our commitment. We learn how to work collaboratively with each other and
with women, developing shared power and leadership. A men's center offers training and
opportunities for men's leadership and community activism.
The best answer to why a men's center, of course, may be simply to look at the Men's Resource
Center. Each week we are serving over 200 men and women through our Support Groups, Youth
Groups and Men Overcoming Violence groups alone. Each year through our workshops and training
programs we reach hundreds of secondary and college students. Each season we distribute 10,000
copies of our quarterly magazine, Voice Male, locally and to people in 39 states and 10 countries.
And we have served as a model with resources and training for men and men’s groups in New
Hampshire, Vermont, Maine, New York, New Mexico, North Carolina, Nova Scotia, Russia, South
Africa, Sweden and Japan.
Why a men's center? Because it makes a unique and significant difference in the life of individual
men, women and children, and the health of our communities and our society. For information about
the Men’s Resource Center of Western Massachusetts you can contact us at:
236 N. Pleasant St., Amherst, MA 01002
(413) 253-9887
email:
web site: www.mensresourcecenter.org
You can subscribe to our quarterly magazine Voice Male by sending a $25 membership/subscription
fee to the above address.
Russell Bradbury-Carlin’s Outline
Men Overcoming Violence Training
Introduction
• How MOVE began
• How MOVE is funded
Entering the MOVE Program:
• How clients come to MOVE: voluntary and court-mandated
• MOVE staff in courts
• First step: intake with a counselor
• Partner contact
MOVE groups:
• Structure of groups
• Why a female co-leader is important
• Goals for clients in MOVE
• How to work with difficult clients
• Supervision of MOVE staff
End of program:
• Terminating clients from MOVE program
• Clients successfully completing MOVE program
• Measuring success
Move
MEN OVERCOMING VIOLENCE
A PROGRAM OF THE MEN’S RESOURCE CENTER OF WESTERN MASSACHUSETTS
______
236 no. pleasant st. • amherst, ma 01002
(413) 253-9588 • fax (413) 253-4801
Email:
OUTLINE OF MOVE CURRICULUM
THE BASICS - GROUP NORMS/CONTRACT
♦ Group contract
♦ Time-outs/Practice time-outs
♦ Safety checks
♦ Warning signs
♦ New man check-in/most abusive incident
WHAT IS VIOLENCE/ABUSE
♦ Types of violence
♦ Cycle of violence
♦ Connection between violence and substances
♦ Sexual Violence
MINIMIZATION, DENIAL AND BLAME VS. SELF-RESPONSIBILITY
♦ Beliefs systems – beliefs which perpetrate violence
♦ Self-responsibility
EFFECTS ON WOMEN PARTNERS
♦ Partner’s healing process
♦ How focusing on your partners violence….
♦ Telling violent incident from partner’s point of view