The first step in using quiet-time or thinking-time is to identify those misbehavior for which you will use a quiet-time or thinking-time discipline. Remember, whenever you use a discipline program to change misbehavior it is important that you also give the child the appropriate behavior that you are looking for. Use phrases such as “I need you to…” “You can”, “Would you please”.
The second step in using quiet-time or thinking-time is to decide on a place to put the child when s/he misbehaves since quiet-time or thinking-time, by definition, requires a nonreinforcing environment. You should pick a place in the house where there are no toys, games, television, books or people. The child’s room is usually not a good place to use for quiet-time or thinking-time. Some parents prefer to use a chare or have the child sit in corner and face the wall. Some ideas would be the kitchen or dining room. It should be in an area of the house which has few if any distractions as not to unintentionally allow the child to receive any reinforcement while in quiet-time or thinking-time.
The third step in using quiet-time or thinking-time is to decide on the appropriate length of the discipline. A good rule of thumb is to use one minute of quiet-time or thinking-time for each year of age of the child. It is very helpful to use a portable timer with a bell or buzzer to signal the end of a quiet-time or thinking-time period.
The fourth step in using quiet-time or thinking-time involves instructing the child to go to quiet-time or thinking-time and enforcing the quiet-time or thinking-time discipline. Since the purpose of using quiet-time or thinking-time is to replace more aggressive, negative, and/or emotional forms of discipline such as yelling, scolding and spanking; it is important that instructions to go to quiet-time or thinking-time be given to the child in an unemotional way using firm and assertive communication. The parent should avoid lecturing, name calling, arguing or asking questions such as “How many times do I have to tell you not to do that?” or “When are you ever going to learn?” This only serves to provide more attention to the child for his/her misbehavior and may by chance reinforce the undesirable behavior.
Not all children respond to quiet-time or thinking-time cooperatively. Some children resist going from the start and will aggressively test the limits of the program. Many children do this by arguing with the parent to see if they can successfully persuade the parent not to enforce quiet-time or thinking-time. Children are quite skilled at doing this and employ all sorts of tactics, such as promising never to misbehave like that again for the rest of their lives, blaming their misbehavior on someone else, or just plain denying that they ever misbehaved in the first place. It is essential that the parent ignore these excuses and promises and follow through with the quiet-time or thinking-time regardless of the child’s pleadings. By giving in to the child’s manipulations the parent will make it that much more difficult to enforce quiet-time or thinking-time with the child in the future.
Some children use more aggressive tactics than just verbal persuasion to avoid going to quiet-time or thinking-time. In some cases a child will physically resist being placed in quiet-time or thinking-time. When this happens the parent may need to physically place the child in quiet-time or thinking-time. The parent may need to lead, or even carry the child to the quiet-time or thinking-time area. It is appropriate to hold a child in the quiet-time or thinking-time area. Do not spank or threaten the child. Just tell the child that you will help them stay in quiet-time or thinking-time. Stay behind the child to avoid being accidentally struck. Do not talk with the child while you are holding them. Rocking and softly humming may help quiet and relax child.
Quiet-time or thinking-time can be an effective method of discipline for managing misbehavior. However, for it to work it has to be used properly. Please remember, it take time for the child to realize that mom and dad mean it when they say to go to quiet-time or thinking-time.