[H – get the coyote logo up here…?]
C4P – We Warned You…
Why do those JABOYs keep shoveling out this s…, er, stuff?!!?
OK, we’re done threatening to discontinue this madness, since apparently YOU keep wanting to come back. What’s wrong with you?!!? However, WE had such a great time at last year’s “Last Hurrahahahaha” that we’ll admit we’re glad you’re coming back to entertain us. Once again, the daily trails will delight and humble you; in the evening, you will delight and embarrass yourselves. And again, it’ll be up to the veterans among you to insure the rookies embarrass themselves more than you do unto yourselves, if for no other reason than why would you want to exit the weekend feeling as foolish as you did the last time you were here. So how is it that teasing invitations from veterans like “C4P is just too much fun, you HAVE to come back with us next year,” somehow during the weekend translates to something like “What sick bastard put THAT hill THERE?!!?” Oh, that’s just a bunch of poo-poo words – you’re gonna have FUN!!!, and we have the trails to prove it.
(One sidebar before I digress further: while the more incredulous idiot of this co-RD’ship “embellishes” (OK, more at “perverts”) H’ard’s first draft of this program, the real work to date has been the suffering pleasure of Howard Cohen. He’s had so much fun getting this event organized (while I dick around in the Netherlands, running the steepest canal bridges this side of the Bonneville Salt Flats), that he’s decided after the C4P weekend to pass a kidney stone, just to confirm how much fun he’s been having getting you to our trails. So, whilst you’re roaming our territory during C4P, take time out to give your sincerest condolences to H’ard…)
OK, here’s the Main Abuse Plan:
Monday, Feb 16th6:00 PMScrub Run Planning Dinner, H’ard’s House, Newbury Park
Tuesday, Feb 17th7:00 AM1st Half Scrub Run, Start: Will Rogers State Park
Wednesday, Feb 18th7:00 AM2nd Half Scrub Run, Start: Kanan Road
(Scrub Run details will be sent separately to those sorry souls who unconsciously signed up for it.)
Thursday, Feb 19th7:00 AMWe might mark some trails, maybe not, probably not. Nah…
7:02 AMLet’s drink beer. It’s noon somewhere…
NoonBody Painting Seminar, Thornhill Broome Beach
2:30 PM7 Mile Teaser at La Jolla Cyn (2:00 √ In/Brief)
6:00 PMDinner/Party/Briefing at BJ’s Restaurant/Brewery
Friday, Feb 20thst 5:00 AMCamel Caravan from Denny’s to Ojai
6:00 AMCheck-In, Cozy Dell Trailhead, Hwy 33
6:15 AM50 Mile Start
5:30 PM50 Mile Course Closes
6:45 PMDinner/Talent Show/Briefing at Sandy’s
Saturday, Feb 21stnd 6:15 AM40 Mile Check In, La Jolla Canyon
6:30 AM40 Mile Start
4:30 PM40 Mile Course Closes
6:00 PMBowling/Dinner/Party at Wagon Wheel Bowl
Sunday, Feb 22ndth6:30 AM50K Check In, La Jolla Canyon
7:00 AM50K Start
2-4:00 PMBBQ/Give stuff away that we couldn’t unload earlier
3:00 PM50K Course Closes
4:03 PMThe gods, if they haven’t caught on beforehand, unleash their
wrath from the skies above, scattering the multitudes to the
peace and serenity of their motel rooms, only to discover
the next morning that dead/splattered frogs litter the
parking lot and the windshields of their rental cars, later
causing insurance rates to soar and undermining the
White House’s intent on finally offering affordable health
insurance to all citizens because now those same under-
writing corporations have to divert their capital to paying
back those frivolous claims (come on!! Frogs on wind-
shields?!!?). So, I guess you’re going home now, huh?
Stuff Hereafter: General Blather, Players, Scrub Run, Courses, Maps, Each Day’s General Agenda, Hospitality/Lodging, Previous Stats, Still more mind-numbing Blather…
General Blather: Wouldn’t you know it: we threaten/promise to quit doing this, and more people want a piece (you friggin’ idiots!!). As this rag gets sent out, we have over 65 runners entered, our most populous (or is that bulbous?) year. Whoopee!! you say. The good news, even with this many runners, it’s still a manageable crowd, which also helps you enjoy the intimacy and personality of C4P without getting overly burdened with crowd control dynamics of larger ultras. Expect minimalist aid from us for the runs themselves, get as much work from the days’ courses as you can healthily manage, dive into the party atmosphere sandwiching the runs, and you should have a total blast this weekend (if you don’t, your brain & body must’ve been in a totally surreal place). Added to that, we have a wide array of invaluable awards to disperse among you, the better ones most beneficently offered by Patagonia (thru Craig Holloway) and Montrail (Krissy Sybrowski), the far from better ones culled together from yard sales, thrift stores and too many nights in motels. For the remainder of this program, with the exception of a couple informative tidbits scattered throughout the narrative (I’ll be generous and bold those pieces), most of what you’ll need/want to know (1) might have been crammed into an Excel spreadsheet like we sent out last year (but since we DID send one out last year, why repeat such folly? Hunt down a packrat veteran who still has that trash…); and (2) is spread out in the attached highly artistic map of the local area (the wiser among you will visit mapquest or its cousins to locate event landmarks). If you're seeking still more information about C4P, and you've already visited the VHTRC website, look further into Howard Cohen's site
(see below under Scrub Run, w/o the extended link to Santa Monica Mtns...).
Players: For you social scientists out there, 34 are from CA (down from last year, which suggests even Californians can learn over time, Ahnuld notwithstanding); about 10 have ties to the VHTRC (sorry, Rick and Frank, you’ve been included in that swagger); 8 from WA (slower to learn than CA’ers…?); 4 claiming questionable Canadian citizenship, and 4 more (including the CO-to-AZ expatriot Mr. Strong) from Colorado. Our perennial Ridge-f***ing-insane-crest Rowdies (5 this year) should look forward to strong competition next year from the GAC’ers out of Mass (whose dictator promised during a winter night beer run that they’d swarm on us like a so many flies on… on… let’s see, what do flies swarm on to…?). Solo states rep’d include GAMNNVALCTHINM (go ahead, try to sound that out…). Better yet, check out the web site for the current list of entries. And here’s a note you’ll wow your office mates / in-laws / local homeless with: we have about 15.6 domestic live-in partners (yeah, that includes married people, too) participating, which at least says for you running couples, you really should do better research on how to spend your get-away weekend vacations. How many other ultras do you go to with so much potential domestic squabbles to surreptitiously observe? As for how you’ve been assigned/distributed to a bowling team: they were conceived/organized sometime after my third double of drambuie on the rocks. Who knows, maybe we’ll shuffle ‘em again before you arrive in Feb’ry.
Scrub Run: As it looks now, we have some volunteer drivers who need a final confirmation to support those who said “yes” to doing the Scrub (your names are *’d on the Player Roster). Please confirm your participation via e-mail. Should other ‘maybe’s or ‘no’s opt to play (as with the other long runs, you can do shorter courses; in fact, only a couple people will do ALL those miles, the rest doing just portions of each day), you must e-mail H’ard not later than Feb 7th, so we can plan accordingly for your participation (enough of you, and we’ll need more drivers/cars). This year will be staged much as last year: the runner/volunteer drivers aid and schlep runners, staged over two days, from the eastern start to western terminus of the Santa Monica Mtns’ Backbone Trail. About 100K worth, but more than likely, some folks will do shorter sections each day (there are a couple ugly climbs out there!!). Unless specifically excused, you should attend the planning dinner/jacuzzi party at H’ard's house on Monday night, Feb 17th, at 6:00. Check H’ard’s website on the Backbone,
both to get a sense of the course and to prepare yourself for that dinner planning meeting. You may also elect to get your paws on the Tom Harrison maps (tomharrisonmaps.com) of the Santa Monica Mtns trails (two maps, East and West); these are about the best-detailed of print media. H’ard is the Scrub Run’s official RD, so if you have questions about the course or the logistics pre-Monday’s dinner, send him a note at gravityh@ adelphia.net. At the end of each day’s run, we’ll retire to a local eatery (probably same as last year: Spruzzo’s and Neptune’s Net) to relish in (read, drink, drink, drink…) the day’s achievement. Plan to chip in a bit to reimburse the volunteers for gas; bring ‘em donuts and coffee each morning…
Courses and Aid Stations: As noted above, we’ve previously put out a spreadsheet showing distances between aid stations, general terrain, very finite information that would keep any anal retentive runner at the planning table for hours into the night. Not this year. If you’re of the sort that needs that kind of crap, go pester one of our veteran analities for his/her sheet, and just hope there aren’t too many changes this year. Here’s the narrative scoop: Flats are relatively nonexistent, by course design, so get in the mood for hills. How much elevation? A lot. Those who have the altitude toys can debate those numbers during the weekend. (Distances, rest assured, are fascinatingly accurate. Truly. I’m not kidding. I’m a former federal employee, and I’ve been brainwashed over time not to BS anyone. Honestly.) Beyond the difficulty of each course, what’s crucial to your survival: for the 40M and 50k courses in Pt Mugu State Park (hereafter PMSP), and in Ojai if weather prevents our getting vehicles to the ridge top – aid may be very limited. We’ll have fluids and light weight solids (e.g., potato chips, cat food, deep-fried coyote scat, etc) at critical points. Additionally, at several places in PMSP, there are water spigots to refill bottles (tho we won’t know until just before the weekend which ones will be operative (we’ll tell you when we find out (if we find out (who knows? (how many parentheticals can you stand (more?)?)))))(did I get ‘em all?). You should carry enough of your own nutritive food, drugs and fluids and more drugs, so that, say, should you haplessly miss one aid station, you won’t disintegrate into a worthless cowflop somewhere in the bushes. Excepting one or two aid stations on the 50, the JABOY crew will be your survival net and scout/sweep crew on the courses, meaning there aren’t enough of us to cater to your every whim and whimper. If you plan to be fairly self-sufficient, you’ll still have fun without “will-I-find-the-finish?” anxieties. Some highlights of each course, some different from last year (veterans: explain the specifics to your recruits):
Ojai 50M: The longest climbs and drops among the 3 courses… We brought back the southern slope Sisar/White Ledge loop with options for short routes; and also give oppor’y to see each other on the out/back ridge. Major climbs: Gridley (hell, it ain’t a slouch along the ridgeline to Lion’s Cyn, either), that POS out of Rose Valley, White Ledge, the last pull out of Gridley Top to Nordhoff. Lovely downhills: Lion’s to Rose, Sisar Canyon. (Important sidebar on the 50: there WILL BE portapotties at the Start but not the finish. You see the potty will turn into a pumpkin at 5PM and we got to get it back otherwise it will stink up our neighborhood all weekend. This will give a chance to stop short of the Finish for some relief. The S/F is also very close to a major stream, so please be well “evacuated” before you find relief. By contrast, PMSP has bathrooms at La Jolla Canyon and a couple other places you’ll see on your travels.)
PMSP 40M: We will run the same course as last year. This includes the Coyote Trail, which isare a hump of hills that sit in the middle of the park, with vistas to all other major hills of the course from its promontory. Noteworthy climbs: to Mugu (but not top of) Peak, Fossil, Tri-Peaks/ Chamberlain (Butt Crack) Rock, Fireline, and Cardiac (Pat’s favorite!!). And wunnerful downs all over the place (note: each day in PMSP, you’ll finish on the incomparable Ray Miller…).
PMSP 50K: This course hasn’t changed. Noted ups: Ray Miller (from Start), Guadalasca, Mugu Peak, Hell Hill. Sweet downs: Fireline, Old Boney, Ray Miller to Finish.
Even for the Short Courses on each day, some prominent sections will be mandatory (e.g., on the 40, everyone does Coyote Trail, everyone does Butt Crack Rock, everyone does Cardiac). More on that at the dinner trail briefings…
Surveyor tape will mark the course, but usually ONLY at turns. The sanity checks on that anxiety-builder: (1) The Ojai course doesn’t have many turns on it, and since we’re pretty much the only traffic out there on Friday, marking for your confidence will be a relatively easy task. (2) In PMSP, there’ll probably be a good deal of other traffic, and history tells us that some folks can’t resist the temptation to pull down tapes. The good news, most intersections are marked with signs (e.g., Coyote Trail, Ray Miller, Serrano Cyn, etc), so that using your park map will reduce your chance of getting lost. Even if you do drift ditheringly, use your nose to follow the sea breeze to the Coast (or just get in Sycamore Canyon and follow the road to civilization). Since we’re marking mostly only turns, you can expect to run relatively long distances between markings (e.g., on the 40M, between Boney/Backbone and Sycamore, there will be one 2+ mile stretch without any tape; on the 50M, you’ll run the 6+ miles bottom to top of Gridley with only marginal marking just near the bottom). Repeat this mantra: “I won’t get lost, I won’t get lost, I won’t get lost…” (One or a few of you will, and you’ll suffer embarrassment sometime that evening. Hey, it’s your own damn fault!!)
Maps: Veterans should still have the PMSP trail maps. We’ve purchased a few principally for the fresh meat. If enough vets whine they don’t have a copy and need one, we’ll buy more. If you have one now, you may be able to figure out (or not) the major routes of the 40M and 50K courses. Friday and Saturday night’s trail briefings will derive from those maps (bring two different dark color highlighters (the map is brown’ish in background color) so you don’t confuse your own markings). Wild Bill will brief the 50M course using his map (that should be warning enough!!). If in combination, (1) you don’t trust our course marking, and (2) your directional skills match dark closet maneuvering, then (3) attach yourself to someone who is familiar with the terrain and/or doesn’t suffer your same eye-land coordination).
The attached road map is clearly self-explanatory. Its relationship to reality, however, may evoke a question or two. Some helpful (?) notes beyond what you may learn from Mapquest-like resources:
(1) Hwy 1 = Oxnard Blvd is between Hwy 101 and Pt Mugu State Park which is on Pacific Coast Hwy AKA Rte 1. See the map for details and follow signs to PCH and Santa Monica to find Hwy 1.ADD SOMETHING HERE. [Yes, do, as that configuration will probably have changed yet again since last I was there…]
(2) Oxnard Blvd west from the BW motel, just before Hwy 101, takes you to Thursday’s (visible from Oxnard Blvd, at fringe of Mall) and Saturday’s (Wagon Wheel Bowl is just next to that obvious and hideous turquoise motel of the same name) dinner locations; and will be your route to Hwy 101 West, to meet for Friday morning’s caravan to Ojai from Denny’s. Newbies should rely on Veterans, or the Trail Briefing/Q&A session on Thursday night, for directions to Friday morning’s rendezvous at Denny’s and/or more specific directions to the 50M start in Ojai.
(3) Directions to the restaurants/bowling alley are on the map – call them if you can’t follow H’ard’s directions. (Sandy’s is on Saviers, just shy of the intersection with Bard Rd). Regardless of where you stay, and anticipating our maps will most likely confuse some portion of your brain, you should ask your hotel management for supplemental directions (landmarks, off ramp configurations, time and distance, where to get great milkshakes/batteries/Tecnu, etc.). For those coming to the Scrub Run planning dinner on the 16th, Howard'smy address is 4573 Via Grande, Newbury Park, CA: See the web site for a link to the Map for you to print.