Professionals Corner UpToParents.org
Sample Documents for Collaborative Professionals’
Use of UpToParents.org1
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September 3, 2012
The documents attached here can assist Collaborative Professionals in implementing use of the UpToParents.org family of free website resources. More information on those resources is available from these links:
· Professionals’ Introduction to UpToParents.org
· Expanding Collaborative Practice and Improving Outcomes with UpToParents.org
Attached are the following documents.
1. Sample letter from a CP attorney to a divorce client (page 2)
2. Sample joint memo from CP attorneys to both clients in divorce case (page 3)
3. Sample language for opening CP Agreement (page 4)
4. Sample letter from a CP divorce coach or child specialist (page 5)
5. Some Quick and Powerful Uses of Parents’ UpToParents Work in CP Cases (page 6)
1An electronic copy of this article is available in Part II of the “Professionals Corner” link of UpToParents.org. All underlined links can be opened from that electronic copy
Law Offices of Deborah Michelson
1100 Capital Building
200 East South Street
Indianapolis, Indiana 46201
[date]
Mr. Charles Jacobson
50555 Emory Drive
Carmel, Indiana 46202
RE: Collaboratively addressing child needs
Dear Charlie:
As we’ve discussed, one of the chief goals of a Collaborative process is the protection of children and their good relationships with both their parents and everyone important to them.
Because meeting children’s needs during family crisis can be so important, Jessica’s attorney (Andrew Gonzales) and I have spoken and prepared together the enclosed joint memo for you and Jessica. It concerns some specific steps you and Jessica can take to focus on the needs of Tiffany, Ryan, and Cody—and then to use that focus as part of a collaborative strategy to address the other tasks you face.
As Andrew and I have mentioned in our joint memo, UpToParents.org can be a great help to you, and it can assist our future meetings about helping you and everyone in your family. I hope you’ll do the work on the website right away—most parents like it a lot and find in it many important but easily overlooked ideas for helping their children and themselves. [Comments about the involvement of divorce coaches or child specialists may be added here.]
Once you have finished your work on UpToParents.org, would you please email me the username and password you used so I can look over what you’ve written?
Thanks, Charlie. Please feel free to be in touch about any concerns you have.
Cordially,
Deborah Michelson
Sample Joint Memo from Both CP Attorneys to Both Clients
To: Charlie Jacobson and Jessica Jacobson
From: Deborah Michelson and Andrew Gonzales
Re: UpToParents.org [substitute ProudToParent.org in paternity cases]
Date: [insert]
Jessica and Charlie—
As we have discussed with you individually, we consider that one of the most important responsibilities we all share in a Collaborative approach to your circumstances is protecting the best interests of Tiffany, Ryan, and Cody, including their good relationships with both of you. We are sending you this joint memorandum today to invite your early thoughts on their needs—and to let you know about a unique website resource that we find helpful in cases like yours.
The website is UpToParents.org [substitute ProudToParent.org in paternity cases]. It’s a free, simple-to-use, and uniquely engaging tool for considering children’s often overlooked needs and steps for meeting those needs. We invite each of you to do the work on the website (including a complete job on all the written Exercises).
As always, we look forward to being of any help you need at this important time. Feel free to be in touch with any questions or concerns.
Andrew Gonzales
Deborah Michelson
Deborah Michelson
Sample Collaborative Participation Agreements Language about UpToParents.org
While CP attorneys can and should consider agreeing on a case-by-case basis to refer parents to UpToParents.org in divorce cases and ProudToParent.org in paternity cases, CP practitioners and groups may decide to include language like the following in their Collaborative Participation Agreements.
If this matter concerns a divorce or other family matter involving children, the parties and attorneys agree to conscientiously consider all the best interests of those children, including their need for good relationships between their parents and other important adults during and following this case.
In any divorce with children, the parties agree to complete the work on UpToParents.org, merge their chosen Commitments into a set of Agreed Commitments, and consider ways to use those Agreed Commitments and the parents’ Exercise responses to help the family move forward. In any paternity case, the parties agree to do the same work on ProudToParent.org.
Robert W. Peterson, Ph.D.
Family Psychological and Therapeutic Services
1200 East Monroe Street
South Bend, Indiana 46601
date
Mr. Arnold Jacobson
50555 Emory Drive
Carmel, Indiana 46202
[Ms. Jessica Jacobson[1]
15303 Titan Run
Carmel, Indiana 46202—if both parents are being written by a child specialist]
RE: Collaboratively addressing child needs/My role as a divorce coach [or child specialist]
Dear Arnie [and Jessica]:
As we’ve discussed, one of the chief goals of a Collaborative divorce process is the protection of children and their relationships with both parents and everyone important to them. As a [divorce coach/child specialist], one of my wishes is that parents have the fullest opportunity to do well for their children and themselves at a uniquely difficult time.
In addition to completing the other intake work I’ve given you, UpToParents.org can be a great help to you, and it can assist our future meetings about helping you and everyone in your family. I ask that you do the work on that website and, when finished, email me the username and password you used so that I can look over your thoughts and responses.
Most parents like this website very much, and I think you may find several ideas in it that can help you and your children.
Thanks, Arnie [and Jessica]. Please feel free to be in touch about any concerns you have.
Cordially,
Robert W. Peterson, Ph.D.
Some Quick and Powerful Uses of Parents’ UpToParents Work in CP Cases
While merely referring parents to these resources yields many benefits, there are three specific steps Collaborative professionals can take to ensure that parents use the child focus from their website work to move forward.
1. Each attorney can ask his or her client to privately share the username and password chosen in doing the website and briefly look over—and compliment—the client’s work. Attorneys can use their clients’ usernames and passwords to log on from the “Returning Visitors/Log In” icon on the homepage. Parents deserve—and are helped by—acknowledgement for their commitment to their children’s best interests.
We strongly suggest that attorneys make a special point to see that their clients have completed Exercise C, the list of good memories and compliments about their children's other parent that they will be sharing with their children. In working with hundreds of sets of parents, we’ve discovered that parents’ completion of this particular Exercise almost predicts success in problem-solving.
2. One of the attorneys (or a staff member) should merge the parents’ chosen Commitments into a set of “Agreed Commitments,” the ones that both parents have chosen. (One of the later “frequently asked questions” on the “FAQs” link of UpToParents.org shows how easily this can be done.)
3. At an early four-way conference, the attorneys can then do three powerful things:
· Pass out and celebrate the parents’ Agreed Commitments,
· With the parents’ permission, read aloud their Exercise C compliments, the compliments and good memories about each other that they’ll be sharing with their children, and
· Invite any discussion the parents wish to have about their website work and the steps they want to take in implementing their Agreed Commitments.
Not all parents and professionals will be interested in the same length of discussion on these matters, and we encourage professionals to find their own voice and comfort level. But without question, this early engaging spotlight on children’s needs can both attract and animate parents.
Charlie and Barb Asher
Freedom 22 Foundation
6376 Dawson Lake Drive
Indianapolis, Indiana 46220
September 3, 2011
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[1] A letter of this sort may go to either one parent or both, depending on whether the CP therapist is acting as a divorce coach for one parent or a child specialist assisting both parents. The bracketed passages here reflect this option.