WAG -Wise Awareness of Grief
Steps for Validation of Heavy Emotions in the FC/TC class
Beth McCrave & Jackie Mashore
WAG is useful when an individual in the class is distressed, crying, or suffering. It is important that the class pause to care take the distressed member and there be time for validation of suffering. Do not be in a hurry to move through WAG.
WAG has three elements of validation:
1. Recognition of the individual & emotion by leader
2. Self-Disclosure by the leader
3. Normalization of the emotion & experience by the group
*Be prepared to use all levels of Validation
WAG in the FC Class
1. Recognition: Note that individual seems distressed. Ask individual to describe what they are feeling, or if leader knows acknowledge & validate.
Ex: Sally, you are crying. What has upset you?
2. Leader Self-Discloses: (validate, ‘me too’)
Ex: I’ve cried often about that, too.
3. Leader normalizes experience & emotion and brings in group .
Ex: Ask: “How many of us have felt this way?”
Leader raise own hand and others will follow. (validate/ normalize)
4. Finally, when the individual is more regulated or after class discussion, the leader may continue class. Keep the class as a whole, keep the balance with individual.
*NOTE: Leaders do not be the first to offer a tissue to a crying class member. This may be perceived as invalidating and may send the message the leader wants the individual to stop crying so class can move on. Always give class members the first opportunity to pass the Kleenex.
Role Play for FC Class:
(Leader sees Sally silently crying.)
Leader (gently): This is a difficult topic. Sally would you share with us what has touched you about this?
Sally: The thought that my real daughter is lost and never coming back.
Leader : Sally, I have had that same thought about my daughter. The loss of the ‘old’ her. It is horribly painful.
Leader : (normalizes: brings in rest of group, raising own hand: ) How many of us have grieved the loss of the person who existed before the illness? Can you raise you hands?
Leader: Most of us have felt this way at some point.
WAG in the TC Class
Classes are usually on mute: Leaders must be very perceptive without benefit of visual/auditory cues. Being familiar with individual situations/crises is helpful. Listen for silence at critical points.
WAG in TC follows the same basic format with the addition of guessing ,curiosity and inviting’ if necessary.
Role Play for the TC Class
Leader: ‘I’m guessing this topic may bring up feelings of loss/sadness/grief. It does for me (validation/ Guessing/ me too) Let’s pause for a moment. Would anyone like to comment on how they are feeling about this? We will wait while you un-mute….(pause)
Sally: (crying) I miss my ‘real’ daughter, the one that is not ill.
Leader: Sally, I can hear how upset you are. I’ve had the same thoughts about my daughter, lots of sadness and grief from losing the ‘old’ pre-illness her. (Validation/me too)
Sally: (crying) Right, it’s like she’s gone but she’s not.
Leader : Exactly. How many of us have felt the same way at some point? I bet most of us have. (Validation/normalizing)
(Leader may ask class members to raise their hand even though they cannot be seen as an act of self-validation.)