Super-Happy Fun Time: The ExperienceYou’ve Been Waiting For!

Otherwise known as: “I filled out a dating application and did some silly things, and all I got was a date with Commander Keen!”

Based upon a (hopefully) true story…?

Written by Commander Keen…and you! By hand, if at all possible! If not, explain why! I mean, at least print it out and do the interactive parts, even if you type up the other responses! Ladies only! Use the back if necessary! Please complete all questions, and be honest! Don’t feel that you’re restrained to answer ONLY these questions!Use extra paper if you need to, really!

“Page 1: The Basics!”

  1. Do you know who I am in real life? If so, please tear up this application and come talk to me in person!
  2. Favorite Transformer, Power Ranger, and Ninja Turtle (Splinter, as cool as he is, doesn’t count), and why:
  1. Do you snore? If so, how?
  2. Like a lumberjack
  3. Like a banshee
  4. “Like a muscled-up G.I. Joe after a tough day in the chopper!”
  5. Other (Please explain):
  6. What did the last text message you sent say? Don’t edit out any “lol”s or like phrases!
  1. What’s your favorite type of pie?

5. 1 - Can you personally bake aforementioned pie?

5.2 - Give me some…?

  1. If you had to choose between being blind or deaf for the rest of your life, which would you choose and why?(Only one! Don’t be greedy!)
  1. You’re forced to make a CD that you have to listen to for the rest of your life! What are the first track, the last track, and the title?
  1. You’re framed for murder and there isn’t any good way out of it! You:
  2. Try and explain your way out of it even though the question clearly states there isn’t any good way out. You’re innocent, after all!
  3. Run away to somewhere that doesn’t have extradition laws even though the government will hunt you down anyhow. TV dramas prove that we have all sorts of covert military forces!
  4. Actually kill someone to make this whole situation worthwhile!
  5. What are your thoughts on my extreme overuse of exclamation marks on this page? Did you even notice?!
  1. Go make a rubbing of something random (no graves allowed. Be original). Turn this over and use the back. Go crazy.
“Huzzah! Section Two: Arts and Crafts!”

A way to showcase your creativity

  1. Please re-draw the following picture:(Do it here. Err, below here.)

  1. Connect the dots

..

  1. Put some music on and do an interpretive dance on top of this application. I trust you to actually do this. Honor system, folks.
  2. What song did you choose? Why?
  1. If you play an instrument, attach a picture of yourself doing so (bonus points for an unlikely location, just because). If not, attach a picture of yourself playing air guitar. Or whatever.
  1. Draw what you imagine the Celestial Kingdom to be like (completely non-scriptural is okay):

Part three is devoid of a good title!

  1. Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat? Why? (Continue on back if necessary. Hint: it IS necessary).
  1. Do you know how to use the “Hadouken”?
  2. Of course, it’s ↓, ↘, →, and then "punch".
  3. Nope
  4. Is that one of those ninja stars?
  5. Other (explain):
  1. How do you play games?
  2. I like my buttons like I like my potatoes: mashed, with gravy!
  3. I’ve got more combos than a cheap movie theatre!
  4. What on earth are we talking about?
  5. With your heart.
  6. Other (explain):
  1. Explain the significance of this phrase: “GET OVER HERE!” Use illustrations.
  1. Do you even like video games?
  2. Hate ‘em. Waste of time and a tool of Satan.
  3. I enjoy a little Mario here and there. I’m a dabbler, you might say.
  4. I get way too into Golden Axe and try to steal ALL THE POTIONS before P2 gets to them. I also never let him ride the weird bird thing.
  5. Other (explain):
  1. Which alternative and entirely implausible reality seems more preferable? Explain why below.
  2. Everyone else in the world has a monocle except for you and they’re considered super-cool!
  3. You’re the only person in the world who wears a monocle and they’re considered super-lame.
  1. What would you title this section?

Section 4:

Extraneous Information

  1. Full name:
  2. Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?:
  3. Age:
  4. Astrological sign:
  5. Favorite color:
  6. Blood type:
  7. Favorite food:
  8. Major:
  9. Year in school:
  10. Favorite band(s):
  11. Favorite album(s):
  12. Favorite book, movie, whatever you can come up with:

  1. Why you bothered to fill this out:
  1. Do you believe in life after love?
  2. Yes
  3. No
  4. “I can feel something inside me saying, ‘I really don’t think you’re strong enough.’”
  5. Cher sounds like a man
  6. Two of the above
  7. Three of the above
  8. Other (please explain, but also pick one of the above):
  1. Least favorite dateyou’ve been on (and why):
  1. Two best dates you’ve been on (and why):
  1. As an obligatory cliché question, describe your “ideal date”:
  1. What comments do you have about this application? (Ex: “Needs more RAM,” or “I’m appalled by the lack of consistent formatting in your titles,”etc.)

When completed, e-mail Commander Keen (note: it doesn’t say e-mail the application) at for delivery instructions.